porn and internet dating

[scaredwife]

Have just found out that dh has been looking at porn for god knows how long. Ok that is one thing. What is worse is that there are internet dating sites on the files in his browsing history and some of them are recent. He denies this vehemently, saying that these porn sites cause these other sites to appear on the history. Obviously I am dubious - particularly as payment for one of them is on his credit card statement. He looked completely stunned when I asked him about it. I have to say, I would give him an oscar if he is lying. I don't know what to think tbh.

Thank you for all your support. I am in bits. I know this sounds weird cos I know what a twunt he is but it is hard seeing you slate him I still love him but I don't like him. I feel so very sad for me and ds.

i think you do need support it is not really helpful for us to name call him

you mjust be completely gutted and betrayed

Thanks. The thing is I have come on here before to support some other poor cow, thinking how lucky I am. What a stupid bitch.

THis is NOT your fault - don't even start down that route. It is a big, big shock and you need time to gather your thoughts and emotions. Where is he now and where are you & your son. Does he know you know?? Do NOT let him put the blame back on to you , wahtever you do!

you are not stupid gullible or any of those things

things go wrong in relationships and often they can be put right again in any way you grow stronger after...you are shocked and hurt

it is the worst time ...

Don't feel stupid, if someone has half a brain and wish to decieve they will, more often than not the reason we don't suspect people is because it wouldnt enter our minds to do the same, so it's a good thing in a weird way.

Is the dating agency one of the 'girls in Bracknell' porn sites? If so, it's more porn than dating. The Bracknell girls thing is extremely widespread in terms of advertising atm - they appear on almost every porn site. Basically it looks like a dating agency site but the girls are naked and er, provocative, to say the least. It would be following a porn-related link rather than actively searching for a dating agency. I'm posting this because you may be able to deal with the viewing of porn better than the dating, which really does feel like cheating. However, it's not a defence for your DH.

BTW! I'm involved with the running of an online speed-dating site which is why I'm so knowledgeable on the subject! Our users are supposed to keep their kit on. (We get the odd willy waver but we soon castrate them .

Yep he knows I know. I called him at work today and confronted him with the evidence (a string of dirty emails between them and a folder with details of the hotel booking). I have been trusting - don't make a fuss if he wants to go out on a friday night etc. What an idiot. He even lied to me today, saying he only slept with her twice. What a load of bullshit. He admitted tonight it went on practically all year. He is begging me to stay with him. I look at him and see a stranger. We've been together 18 years I got home, he was here (had left work early). Ds watched tv downstairs. I questioned him (interrogated him). I didn't much like the lies but the truth wasn't any better. I threw a glass of water over him. I wanted to punch him in the face but I find it hard to be violent. Oh.......and he admitted to flirting with a former work colleague (but says they didn't have sex).I have been vile to him. I don't care about his feelings but I do care that I am being nasty. I don't like it I emailed her with the evidence. No reply - what a shame.

duchesse - the porn/dating thing has somewhat faded in importance since finding out he was actually fucking a female work colleague.

I apologise for my language. I am so angry

We have to go out tonight and be civil. It's a mutual friend's birthday meal. Hmm, that will be interesting. I will not ruin the friend's night so I have to be civil.

God my heart goes out to you. Only you know if you can forgive him or not. But what ever you decide all mumnetters will support you as much as we can.

I only have one dc. We were trying for another. Oh god

Thank you ladies. You are just what I need right now. How do I tell my friends something like this? I feel so humiliated.

oh do you really have to go this evening?

i don't know what to say except it is good to be angry

be strong if you can..and make sure he does everything you say now

Your friends will only want to support you. You should call them and let them be there. Maybe go see one tonight and get out of the house for a couple of hours.

Don't go out and be happy families. Just read that thread (sorry)

I'd go out tonight, make him have the migraine.

Oh I'm so very sorry, I missed that turn in the thread. I hope tonight goes OK for you. I don't think I could go out after a day like yours so you must be pretty marvellous if you can manage it!

You must feel bitterly disappointed in him. Do you know what you want to do next?

Really sorry to hear this. It is utterly astonishing how trust can be undermined and deception come so easily and thoughtlessly to some. I am truly sorry this has happened to you, but I doubt very much that I could go out and pretend life is just fine & dandy in the same circumstances. You must be able to call it off, if for no other reason than to have time to yourself to grieve for your marriage. I don't think that you can make any long term decisions now, but breathing space might be a good idea for you both to re-assess.

This will take time to work out what you want and I don't think you need to worry about keeping up a front for friends. If they are good friends, then they will understand...

So sorry to hear this. I hope you're ok tonight? Thinking of you.