😔😢
I think you can only change yourself through counselling. You can learn how to change the way you perceive, respond to, communicate and process thoughts and feelings.
What it can't do is immediately change someone else. So it 'works' in that it improves your outlook on life and gives you more control over your life and emotions. You changing might then indirectly alter how people respond to you.
If your partner is open to the process it can do the same for them but you can't force them to change.
DH and I feel we've each benefitted from individual counselling. We've addressed childhood issues and I think we're both happier in ourselves.
In couple counselling I've learnt to pause, give him more space and to clarify what we each really mean. We seem to argue less often, listen better and we both apologise sooner. He seems more aware of when he's crossed a boundary. Our expectations have shifted slightly.
Neither of us is likely to change character or brain wiring though. He is more confrontational than me. He still thinks happiness only comes from academic/career achievement 😕. He has a very 'all or nothing' approach to education. Either full on intensity or washing his hands of the kids entirely. He likes a lot of isolation and doesn't want to be bothered by what seems to him like trivia. He can't instinctively understand things from someone else's perspective. So our parenting is still frustratingly different. Which makes it harder for all 4 of us.
I guess it depends how much time and money you want to put into slight improvements and whether you think you have fundamentally similar/different outlooks and values.