Thank you for taking time to respond, it really is appreciated.
Do you mean people who are already in other committed relationships and who are not available to you? And/or the player/non committal types? Abusive types?
Unavailable (though usually single, but gay or married to their work), commitment phobes, abusive types - I've had more than my fair share of all of those.
It would good to try therapy and work on yourself to identify your tendency to fall for the wrong types. You’ll then hopefully meet the right person for you one day.
I have had more therapy in my life than I care to admit, CBT, too. I am fully aware of the reasons behind why I pick the wrong people, can't seem to get out of the habit, though, no matter how much I think I have learned to respect myself more. Although this time was probably the healthiest I've ever handled it, so I guess there is progress in that?
I still don’t think I would’ve written and sent him a letter though.
I would have maybe penned a letter for cathartic reasons/closure and to figure out my thoughts (like writing a diary/journal), but I would not have sent it to him.
I have kept a diary, I have written many a letter to him on my computer and saved them, I have penned a few and burned them. Sending the letter forced an end that was needed, but also an explanation that he deserved. Like I said, ghosting him would have felt far worse; this felt like an (unspoken on his side) mutual agreement that it was best to end it all here.
What would him reacting badly look like to you? Have an honest think about why you think that would have been the best outcome for you?
It wouldn't have been the best outcome; I think the way he handled it was perfect. He reassured me that my confession did not result in my losing face or lowering the high esteem he held me in, that he admired my honesty, and he said he wished me the best for my future, which, he knew, I would succeed in. I cannot replicate the kindness he showed without quoting him (and I don't want to do that). I just thought, wow. Again, he raised me up, gently, like the wonderfully kind person he is.
If he had told me that he now wants nothing to do with me, blocked me without a word, told me who do I think I am to send that to him or whatever else could have happened it would have made things easier, I think, because he would have shown a negative side I could have clung on to to get angry at and push him away in my head. But it wouldn't have been the best outcome for us; I would have been ashamed and just hated myself even more.
There is a good chance we will see each other again sometime; our work is a small world and people do tend to randomly bump into each other at conferences and training sessions, let alone frequent movement between work places which means you may well end up working with old colleagues again. We also live within a short driving distance of each other and are both out and about quite a bit. It's no guarantee but it's not a bridge I want to burn completely, just in case.