Help me get through the next few weeks - no contact

[Tanaria]

There is a man at work I have had a huge crush on for almost a year now. He is in a long, committed relationship and has never given me any indication that he reciprocates my affection and I did not tell him how I felt, but we got on very well (also outside of work) and worked very closely together.

I now have a new job in a different location. I lost my cool a few days ago and sent him a very old school letter telling him how I felt and that I needed to stop contact. He was incredibly kind about it (and me) and ended his response by wishing me good luck for the future.

I don't regret sending him the letter; it was the right thing to do.

But I need help in getting through the next few weeks. It feels like drug withdrawal right now; every fibre in my body just wants another hit. I do what I can to distract myself, but it's difficult because I'm on leave until my new job starts in a week, so every waking moment and quite a few dreams are taken up by what I can only call obsessive thoughts about him.

I know it will get easier over time and once my new job starts I will hopefully be way too busy to think too much. In the meantime, though, please help me get through this phase.

Oh my. In sending those messages you have done more harassment than I've ever done of him? I have NOT sent any repeated, unwanted messages to him, or followed him in any way, shape or form. I am expressing what is going on in my head on here, but not for or with him. So check your definitions.

Yeah, his relationship is doomed. That's different to me wanting to enter a relationship with him; I do not. I know this crush is wrong on a logical level because he and I wouldn't make sense. We have different needs and he wouldn't meet mine.

Yes, I love him dearly. As a friend who has left a gaping hole when we parted ways. Yes, I have a romantic crush, but I logically separate that from who he really was with me.

Stop accusing me of shit that isn't there, stop projecting whatever issues you have onto me. Now, the ironic thing is you still commenting here when I have sked you to stop accusing me of shit, still going on, and then calline ME a harasser. No, sweetcheecks, that's you.

My thoughts might be obsessive but he'll not know about a thing. Some might argue that's the healthiest way of dealing with that.

No, I am thinking, just a few more days to go and it'll have been a month. Then, 12 of that, and it'll have been a year. Lady knows I'm no stranger to what can happen in a year. And, working, it has got better. I cling to that.

Finally, a month is gone since the letter and I'm actually getting better, as if on cue. The profound grief has gone almost overnight, leaving behind just a small, occasional twinge of sadness, but it doesn't last. He is still on my mind a lot, but more in the fondness of a memory and in thoughts of what I was able to learn from and through him.

And I have learned a lot, adopted a few of the habits I adored so much, and in a way, that is working to make me a better person. And perhaps, that was the purpose of all of this; I like to believe that everything has a purpose in life.

Only a few days on from my last post, but these last 3 days I've been in a much better place. There is hope 🙂

That's really positive for you. I'm so pleased to read your update.

Good
time (and we never can imagine it ) is a healer x

So the last few weeks have been interesting. I nearly ended up working for my old company again, because they're desperately understaffed, given how shite the employer is.

I rang up the man mentioned in the OP beforehand and asked him straight out what he thought of potentially working with me again, because there'd be no way I'd allow myself to be be transferred back if he wasn't happy. His exact words, with no hesitation, were that he'd love to have me back.

In the end it didn't happen for other reasons, but I'm glad we talked again on the phone. Not for the sake of contact itself, but because it really put my mind at rest. We're both clearly still fond of each other, but fondness is all there is. We both reciprocate a huge amount of professional respect, too.

There is a mutual understanding that we won't have any private contact, but my professional world is a small one and I hope that, one day, we will meet each other again. All this seems to have had a very happy ending.

Where's the happy ending?

You're asking permission from a man you haven't spoken to in months about where you should work and you think that means you're in a good place.

Can you explain why?

It means there is no awkwardness. We spoke on the phone and it was the same, warm type of conversation we had before my letter.

We parted well. It's the best outcome anyone could hope for.