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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't want to eat after comments

327 replies

Feelingworthless1 · 31/03/2023 12:06

2 days ago my partner playfully slapped my bum and said "somebody's bum has got bigger"... I asked if he could please not comment on my weight because it upsets me and he said "well your bum is the size of Beyonces".
I'm a size 8 for context and he's about 3 stone over weight but thinks he's god.
I later said that I was going on a diet and he said "you don't need to diet, you just need to exercise and tone up"...he does no exercise and barely moves from the chair. He's on cholesterol and blood pressure tablets.
I didn't eat apart from dinner and had a chicken breast, brocoli and rice and he commented on my plate "wow that's a lot of food".

I'm feeling so insecure. He doesn't know but I was bulimic for a long time and so I don't like comments about my weight. I now feel that I can't eat.

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 31/03/2023 15:28

LTB.

As soon as you can.

yogaretreat · 31/03/2023 15:30

I never write this but why on earth would you want to be with this person? Imagine if you have a child together.....

tiktokontheclock · 31/03/2023 15:30

That's honestly awful. Is he projecting? As in, he's in a terrible state so wants you to feel like you are too?

takealettermsjones · 31/03/2023 15:33

Please, please get rid. Today. Right now.

He is adding literally nothing to your life and actively making it worse.

SiobhanSharpe · 31/03/2023 15:34

The next time he says X is obese and will never find a partner, just reply
"Why ever not? YOU did."
Then leave. (And say it's because he a complete and utter arsehole, not because he's fat. )

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 31/03/2023 15:47

This makes me so cross on your behalf.

There are so many things I want you to say to him but I get that in the moment when you feel crushed it’s hard.

Back2front · 31/03/2023 15:51

You really need to come on here to ask for advice? You know what to do.

Namechangenoidea · 31/03/2023 16:02

Gymnopedie · 31/03/2023 15:16

Oh look, the mysogynist has arrived.

Show quote history

Please tell me what her husband in the first message said that was wrong?

I would say all those comments to my husband if they were true.
So ‘that’s a lot of food’ I would say that if he filled his plate.

If he said he wanted to go on a diet, I would say no you don’t you just need to tone up. (If he needed to he doesn’t)

please what is wrong with what he said???

my husband told me my bum and boobs are getting bigger last night (I’m pregnant) They are!!

can you tell me what is a husband supposed to say when his wife says she needs to diet and he thinks she doesn’t but if she wants she could tone up. Please tell me what the appropriate response is?

Mirabai · 31/03/2023 16:10

Do you have the strength to leave OP?

Mirabai · 31/03/2023 16:11

Where are you parents? Can you go home for a while?

Turnipworkharder · 31/03/2023 16:12

OP stop with the "want to keep the moral high ground"

Start the process of fightback while you plan to leave.

He's a nasty bully and you need to stand up for yourself.

Pinkbonbon · 31/03/2023 16:15

Namechangenoidea · 31/03/2023 16:02

Please tell me what her husband in the first message said that was wrong?

I would say all those comments to my husband if they were true.
So ‘that’s a lot of food’ I would say that if he filled his plate.

If he said he wanted to go on a diet, I would say no you don’t you just need to tone up. (If he needed to he doesn’t)

please what is wrong with what he said???

my husband told me my bum and boobs are getting bigger last night (I’m pregnant) They are!!

can you tell me what is a husband supposed to say when his wife says she needs to diet and he thinks she doesn’t but if she wants she could tone up. Please tell me what the appropriate response is?

Show quote history

She asked him not to talk about her weight as it upsets her. He continued to do it right after she said it. Do you think that is normal? Because it's really not.

You'll also see her second comment further clarifies what a nasty piece of work he is, if in any doubt.

Ichosetheredpill · 31/03/2023 16:16

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/03/2023 12:10

Lose 15 stone of waste material. Ditch the DP.

This is the best weight loss advice I’ve read.

Mamadothehump · 31/03/2023 16:17

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2023 12:11

Jesus Christ op.

I just. Don't. Get. It.

Why do you stay with him?!? It isn't compulsory.

This!! With bells on!!!

GIorious · 31/03/2023 16:17

@Feelingworthless1 gadael y bastard ffycin 💐

DemonSpawn · 31/03/2023 16:17

No idea why you are with this fat horrible slob. If you are a size 8 you are a goddess and he is way out of his league.

Justforlaffs · 31/03/2023 16:19

Namechangenoidea · 31/03/2023 16:02

Please tell me what her husband in the first message said that was wrong?

I would say all those comments to my husband if they were true.
So ‘that’s a lot of food’ I would say that if he filled his plate.

If he said he wanted to go on a diet, I would say no you don’t you just need to tone up. (If he needed to he doesn’t)

please what is wrong with what he said???

my husband told me my bum and boobs are getting bigger last night (I’m pregnant) They are!!

can you tell me what is a husband supposed to say when his wife says she needs to diet and he thinks she doesn’t but if she wants she could tone up. Please tell me what the appropriate response is?

Show quote history

Are you being deliberately obtuse? The op said:

2 days ago my partner playfully slapped my bum and said "somebody's bum has got bigger"... I asked if he could please not comment on my weight because it upsets me and he said "well your bum is the size of Beyonces".

Do you honestly think this is something that’s normal and ok in a loving relationship? If so, you need to get higher standards.

And if my dh commented on the amount of food I was eating when I hadn’t asked his opinion as you say you do with your dh I would tell him to shut the FUCK up and keep his beak out quite frankly. Why would you feel the need to comment on how much someone else was eating? Do you have issues surrounding food?

PoshHorseyBird · 31/03/2023 16:19

There's lots i could say...but I'll just say this. Get rid of him. Trust me (from someone who's been there) this behaviour from him wont stop. Constantly putting you down. Then when you say things like 'oh yes I'm a waste of space'its immediately turned on you 'oh you're so negative!' And the classic 'I'm joking!' (They're not joking) Please get rid of this utter waste of space, trust me theres plenty of decent men out there that would be privileged to be with you. Dump the fat, narcissistic loser and know your worth!

FunnyMunny · 31/03/2023 16:20

I think he might be right, you do need to start doing more exercise.
Start by laying a new patio

glitterisntgendered · 31/03/2023 16:21

Please leave him, please please please!! Don't show your kids this is how men are allowed to treat women. You deserve better, literally no one deserves this. It's emotional abuse

Hbh17 · 31/03/2023 16:22

Get rid of the partner and seek some support for your (apparent) eating disorder.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 31/03/2023 16:24

Op this is something that these days they call 'negging' Wiki link

It's emotional abuse. I haven't read the full thread but please leave him. I know someone who's partner used to do this to her to the point that she stopped eating and developed anorexia. She ended up in hospital because of him.

Negging - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging

NoSquirrels · 31/03/2023 16:25

Oh please just leave him. Please.

ehb102 · 31/03/2023 16:25

Feelingworthless1 · 31/03/2023 12:24

Oh and on the same day, I was chatting Welsh to our son...
Partner says "I'm not good at languages and not are you, it's lucky that *Roberts (my eldest.son from previous relationship) dad is good at languages as Robert can learn a lot from him. It's not as if you bring anything to the table, is it.
So I said "charming"
Partner says "well it's true isn't it. What do you bring to the table? Go on. Tell me"
Asked him to leave me alone and he keeps saying, see, what do you bring to the table.
So I said obviously nothing and I'm useless and he replied "here you go again with all your negative thinking and anxiety. Never positive"
I said he had started by being negative and he said he was joking.

LTB. Nasty piece of work. I despise him already. No. Don't leave him. Kick him out.

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2023 16:27

FunnyMunny · 31/03/2023 16:20

I think he might be right, you do need to start doing more exercise.
Start by laying a new patio

Excellent advice

OP if you start planning to separate you'll start feeling a whole lot better

What do friends and family think of him?

And I don't believe you love him, it's habit and fear. What's the housing/financial situation?