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Original poster

No birthday sex?

88 replies

Doodles29 · 30/03/2023 06:08

Hi all. Myself and partner have been together for about a year.

Yesterday was my birthday and we had a lovely evening out with my family to celebrate. He was really kind, ordered me flowers to be delivered at my workplace and we are going to the theatre at the weekend.

I drove back to his afterwards and as soon as we get in, he heads to the toilet for a really long time. I lay in bed waiting for him. After a while, he comes back, gets into bed and calls the dog up on the bed. He turns the light off, gives me a hug and tells me how much he loves me and then rolls over to sleep.

I felt sexually frustrated and made a comment along the lines of “I guess my birthday sex will have to wait”. He then explained that I should have initiated something if I wanted it. This erupted into an argument and this morning I feel terrible.

I feel like I ruined a good day, but in that moment I felt annoyed. On his birthday, he made it very clear that birthday sex was a thing. I think it didn’t help that my friends and family were jokingly saying ‘birthday sex night!’ ; and perhaps I set that as an expectation.

I felt upset that I met his needs on his birthday, but he couldn’t meet mine. I said to him that he can sometimes be selfish when it comes to intimacy. For example, expects me to go down on him but won’t do the same for me.

Should I apologise? I feel that my behaviour was ugly but also felt quite unattractive in the moment.

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 01/04/2023 02:37

He had a wank on the toilet. If he had his phone with him I bet there were visuals too. Nothing wrong with expectations he'd have known sex was on the cards. None of this 'you should have spelt it out' nonsense - you aren't strangers to each other. He knew. & If he wasn't up for it he could have said so. There are ways. Sorry you were upset but moving forward (if you want to), keep an eye on his behaviour as I bet it will happen again. Not very pleasant for you.

PP's going on and on 1 after the other about your family making a sex joke are now being equally as odd as they claim your family are. It's like a competition to bang on about same thing.

& If he's selfish in bed why are you wasting your time? either way it doesn't sound like you were in for a good night.

oakleaffy · 01/04/2023 02:44

rwalker · 30/03/2023 06:32

Sounds like he had a quick wank not expecting sex

THAT was my immediate thought.

Calling dog up onto bed is also a sign of no sex.

LotteLomax · 01/04/2023 02:57

I’d so be walking if I were your hubby. Your behaviour was appalling.

TheAustralian · 01/04/2023 02:58

You sound immature/entitled. Stop making drama where there is none and gtfu

IDontWantToBeAPie · 01/04/2023 03:38

You're not owed sex. Me and Dp have been together 10 years and often don't have birthday sex. Because it's gross to shag someone who's not into it.

Honestly grow up and get over it. Men and women often aren't in the mood. Pushing it is rape.

dreamqueen22 · 01/04/2023 03:43

Maybe he had the shits?

Theoldwoman · 01/04/2023 03:44

Never ever heard of Birthday Sex!
Thats odd behaviour.
And your friends mentioning it is even more bizarre.

Led921900 · 01/04/2023 04:01

I’d be wary of a relationship that makes you feel bad or affects your mental health. Calling the dog onto the bed doesn’t really give you a chance to initiate things, so I think it’s gaslighting a bit if you’re supposed to initiate things when he’s called the dog on the bed. Do you think you’re sexually compatible…. this might be the start of him wanting less sex and you feeling rejected.
Don’t write it off as a you did something wrong thing/you’re jeopardizing yourself. There could be a relationship issue brewing that you need to keep aware of.

Mypatioisminging · 01/04/2023 04:14

This is disturbing in so many levels. As a pp said birthday sex insinuates it’s a rare thing,something you only do on special occasions. Your cousin saying about birthday sex is just fucking weird. Like they think that too, unless you were telling folks that was the plan, which would be creepy

having an argument as you feel entitled to sex is concerning behaviour.

I hope it works with the therapist and you can move on.

Wife2b · 01/04/2023 04:15

If this was the other way round, the pitchforks would be out. Nobody has the right to demand sex or make others feel bad for not offering it. The whole concept of birthday sex is frankly, bizarre - pretty much on the same wavelength of steak and blow job day.

Mypatioisminging · 01/04/2023 04:16

Led921900 · 01/04/2023 04:01

I’d be wary of a relationship that makes you feel bad or affects your mental health. Calling the dog onto the bed doesn’t really give you a chance to initiate things, so I think it’s gaslighting a bit if you’re supposed to initiate things when he’s called the dog on the bed. Do you think you’re sexually compatible…. this might be the start of him wanting less sex and you feeling rejected.
Don’t write it off as a you did something wrong thing/you’re jeopardizing yourself. There could be a relationship issue brewing that you need to keep aware of.

eh? So he was supposed to know she wanted to get laid , put his own wants aside and not call the dog on the bed? You do know dogs can get off the bed again, don’t you?

Autienotnautie · 01/04/2023 06:01

I've never heard of birthday sex. I wonder what his response would have been if you had initiated sex. I would've more bothered about his lack of desire to please you sexually. Are you sure you are compatible? Does he make you happy?

PoseyFlump · 01/04/2023 06:36

If this was the other way round

But it was the other way round. He demanded sex on his birthday and started this whole thing.

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