Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

VanillaSox

no ! It’s not because you didn’t end with xxxxx

its because he’s a caving TWAT

my texts after dating app discovery ranged from

fury and ‘fuxk off’

to Ok ,I’ve been online too (and more 😂) but it was humiliating to see this can you see that ?

to ok , that messed up , good luck with your project

not a single reply

it’s such a baffling way to behave !!!

It it also leaves us doubting ourselves

@NellyTheCake

yes & No, she had one smaller recent pic and 2 professionally taken ones on her profile, the 2 professional ones looked nothing like her, different hair/ professional makeup, in reality she looked absolutely nothing like them.

some else I know via my hobby is using almost 10 year old professional pics & again she doesn’t really look anything like the pictures, but I see why she might use them as they are really good, but they are not really a genuine reflection of what she actually looks like now

@PinkIdentity Yes, I am dating a really lovely guy for the past year- met at an event for people widowed and young. The problem is he wants more- his youngest left for uni in America in September and he struggles massively with being on his own, wants to entertain etc.

We met when I had settled into the ‘ single' life -girls holidays, doing stuff with my kids, had to deal with the effects of a protracted probate, move house and then renovating( nightmare!) plus I work. He's co owner of a very successful hedge fund but his hands are less full.

My youngest goes to uni in 2 years so who knows. But right now I am not prepared to blend anything- my son in particular misses his father terribly so I am very mindful of that.
I have this week off work for instance - kids and I are away and I think he wishes he could have come etc. I've been away with him and his children.

Oh and like you I love being around young people, I love their confidence, resilience etc, but I do see why men in particular feel so threatened.

@VanillaSox hmmm. I dated someone who was a bit fragile like that. very kind but read meaning into number of x in my message. It got so tiring, because I was having to overcompensate massively!

Fabby…I totally get you need your kid to be ok regarding his dad. It must have been really hard. I don’t want to blend family either. His kid goes to Uni next in September! Mine still have some years ahead of them. He’s also worried about how it will feel not having kid almost every weekend really.
It is really brilliant you have managed so well to get over your dh demise, buy and renovate and educate the kids alone. I take my hat to you and this reminds me how resilient women are really. I hope your partner understands your kid’s feelings come first right now. 😘😘😘

Vanilla…2 weeks and not 1 WhatsApp?? I understand cave behaviour because Mr Ex lives there permanently these days but a message daily is normal if you want to keep your intimacy level…otherwise it’s weird when you meet. You still love him and he loves you so perhaps wait to see him personally and discuss with him what does not work. I can’t even discuss what is not working for me on account he’s so very fragile 😳…

@Definitely - That is excellent advice! I will bear it in mind. Im not planning to draw attention to my insecurities - only giving OLD a go as I feel mostly in a good place.

@Nodating - Ah, a flowery dress, I was considering this. Good to have a reminder to lay off the perfume.

@Underwaterlife .. leave this one well alone. He will resurface only to hurt you again. Been there too many times. Only taken me 5 years to realise and my parameters are now well drawn..I also thought Id try out casual and being ‘cool’ but no - just an emotional disaster. But go on dates and be very mindful who you hit the sack with. xx

@Boomerang124 thank you. I deleted his number tonight and feel much better for it. At least I've learned a lesson early on!

Underwaterlife

well done
ps I deleted my exes number I’d say at least 20
times over the year 🥴

@Thisisworsethananticpated I will not be contacting him.... unless I get truly desperate for another 20 seconds of mediocre sex 😅

After two weeks of getting over Mr. Florentine, I signed up for a speed dating event. I only did it once before, with disasterous result. But weather is nice, the venue is lovely and it's Easter holiday... What could go wrong? 😁

I'm so sorry to hear this, but you must do what is right for you. It's been hard for you, I know, and you need to look after yourself. I think once a partner has become just a friend there seems to be no going back to how it was, although it would be nice to be proven wrong! I know you'll give it time and not make the decision lightly 💗

@Underwaterlife hug xx

@PinkIdentity I had this with someone. He had MH issues. Massive anxiety massive. Could barely leave the house. I simply couldn’t see that unless I planned my whole life around it how it could be compatible with mine. Broke my heart actually as I loved his better moments. There was a rage too which was also bad news though. xx

@Boomerang124 thanks. Needed it. X

Boomerang124

gosh reading that actually reminds me of my teen DS , however to his credit he’s working on his anger (therapy helped )

im now wondering if I’m actually drawn to men with mh problems

Happy Easter 🐣 to those dating , not dating , waiting for a text , waiting to text , and all variations inbetween

Im the other way , the DE had made me a bit paranoid now, I think partners will think less of me, or make them think I don’t fancy them.

I think I might be becoming a bit avoidant at times

Date #10 last night. Looked like his photos, although he admited they were a couple of years out of date.
At least I recognised him!

But he wasn't right for me. Nice enough but we struggled to find things to talk about.

Having a break over Easter then might find date #11.

@NoDatingForOldMen probably better DE than PE. Hopefully partners will be understanding if you can discuss it ahead of time...not always the easiest thing!

@NoDatingForOldMen don't even think of DE if it gets to the stage where you're about to DTD you will be comfortable enough (hopefully) around her to talk about it if it happens.

Sending everyone lots of strength, it feels like it's necessary just now.

🤗🤗🤗🤗

no worries Nelly…enjoy Easter and you can go back dating nicely afterwards

Enjoy Okigen…best of luck…let us know how speed dating was!

Happy Easter lovely 🥰

@NoDatingForOldMen …I think you really are looking for a nice lady that must have her own life as you are quite settled as a bachelor too. Patience and I value a lot that like us women, you can discuss here your self esteem issues. If a lady fancies you crazy…she will be ok with your DE, but you must communicate clearly it is not her , but a natural thing in many men and totally your issue

Got a date tonight. Only matched a couple of nights ago but am kid free so why not - I prefer to meet quickly in case no spark in real life and then no time wasted. Will update