Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Her daughter is late teens, think 20 -1

Oh, and I saw a man cuddling, yes actually bear hugging a massive fish the size of a large child on Hinge this week. WTF? Nope, don't fancy you because you hug big fish. And now smell like one! I do wonder what the blokes take the piss out of us women for posting online.

pouting, filters, bunny ears, big sunglasses, fake tan, big hats, horse riding, pics of pets, pics of you holding your pets, pic with the kids crossed out, drunk pictures, groups of drunk women ( which one are you), etc
the list is almost endless

@NoDatingForOldMen this did make me laugh … I still haven’t plucked up the courage to start OLD yet but was starting to think about what pic to use and the big hat one was my front runner. Better rethink that now 😂

Oh Underwater!!! How is it going with Mr Tall’s issues? I remember he was in the middle of divorce/kids custody/ house hunting/ money worries…. be patient in the bedroom because he has a lot going on at the moment. Is he living on his own home ? Or still at marital home?

Dogs, lots of dogs. Alcohol, fake necking of a full bottle of wine, eek, that's such a faux pas. A fair few women list camper vans now too.
Don't really see many filters anymore tbh.

I have a dilemma, I have a long-standing female friend I shared a house with (She owned the house) 5/6 yrs ago. I had previously asked her out during this period of my life, and she said yes, but I was far too tentative. Then I jumped ship eventually meeting my ex and moving out. We've always kept in touch. Post-split we reconnected and did discuss holidaying together. I met with her yesterday and we're planning on taking the kids out on trips, to Alton Towers, the zoo, etc.
For some reason, I'm just stuck despite her saying yes to going out together before, on what to do.
All my friends keep asking if I'm going to ask her again.
Doing my nut in.😂

Definitely sounds like you still have some feelings for her? Ask her!!!

@PinkIdentity hello! He is living with a relative. He is such good company and seems to be a fundamentally decent bloke. He's been through a hell of a year but is resilient and v honest.

I'll shall catch up on the thread. Happy BH weekend all.

We've always got on. When I asked her before she told me she'd been waiting for me to ask. But that was then and 4 yrs later, we're still friends.
She used to give off chemistry vibes but I'm not sure now.
I'm not usually this standoffish either.

@Underwaterlife sorry to ask but what relative? Have you been to his house? Sorry to sound suspicious but a RL friend has just been through the mill with someone who is still living in the marital home. Obviously many people have to do this until the finances are finalised and I was still living a completely separate life in the same house as my exh (so I know that separate lives in the same house are entirely possible) when I met Mr Wozfunnest but I wasn't actively looking on OLD or anywhere and would now be suspicious of anyone who is until they are living apart.
Sorry - I hope in your case it is a cousin/parent/sibling x

If you're now having sex with this guy, and it sounds like there have been at least a few encounters, and all is going well as you suggest, then it's long past time to stop the messaging others to keep them dangling. I'm one for keeping options open and multiple dating (and I mean dating, not a euphemism for shagging) but it sounds like it's time to focus on your nascent relationship.

You both sound like you are being a bit cautious which is understandable if it didn’t come to anything 4 years ago. Maybe just suggest catching up properly over a drink to see if the chemistry is still there? I think you both want to but maybe just are tiptoeing around it.

Dogs, lots of dogs. Alcohol, fake necking of a full bottle of wine, eek, that's such a faux pas. A fair few women list camper vans now too.

yep, dogs, booze & camper vans, to be fair that sounds like a perfect combo for me 😊

Harrypewter

go meet - with an open heart and mind and talk !!
This is wonderful RL so you can both be honest and suss the lie of the land face to face and with friendship there

what are you scared of ? Rejection or losing the friendship ?

He's been through a hell of a year but is resilient and v honest

I hate giving advice as like… I’m no expert ! But the lessons im taking into my new ‘fling’ are

minimal ex files , I don’t mind getting and sharing the skeleton details on the first date but afterwards - no thanks

your not his therapist and he isn’t yours

remember that IF you split for any reason you WILL survive . He’s your first OLD fling and it’s heady stuff !! But try to not operate from ‘will he break my heart ‘
it’s not a very powerful place to stand
try and enjoy 😉

@VanillaSox @Thisisworsethananticpated @gerbilcrocus

Thank you for your comments. Yes, I have seen where he is living and it is with a sibling. He definitely does not use me as a therapist. Obviously we have touched on this stuff but he is always quick to say that he just wants to enjoy the present moment with me. He's trying really hard to move from the past. Absolutely it is time to let the other irons go. As for the broken heart thing..:: I totally hear what you are saying. It is very heady and he actually makes me feel like a teenager again but with some really nice grown up bits... like he makes my life better and there is no game playing. Truth be told, I've never actually had the "in love" feeling with anyone. Not saying I'm there yet.

Can I ask for opinions on my current iron, Mr Selfie, thanks?

We've managed to meet 4 times in a week and are getting on well. However each 'date' has been for no more than 30mins.

The reason is that he has his kids, 13&15, 100% of the time. I know why but can't share on here. His children have an activity every evening and at weekends. So he is fitting in meeting me between dropping them at an activity and picking them up.

He seems keen to see me as much as possible and has been the one to suggest meeting again every time.

I think it's great that he is so supportive of his children and I understand that he has to put them first.
But he has no time for dating. Yesterday I thought we were meeting for a couple of hours but when I got there he said his plans were changed. He needed to take one of his children somewhere else. He stayed as long as possible but it was still only enough time for a coffee and quick car park kiss. I had made a round trip of an hour to meet him.

He's the first person I've liked for a long time so I'm reluctant to tell him it's not working. But I just want a 'normal' date with him.

@NellyTheCake I'd ask/wonder if he's definitely single and fitting you into his life whilst the children have their hobbies he takes them to. Have you stayed over or even had evening calls/video calls?

We've booked a trip out to a zoo as a unit, her, her daughter, me, and my two girls.
Everyone knows each other so it won't look like a date to my children. It isn't or is it?😂
My girls have forbidden me to date after my ex metamorphosed into Lady Tremaine. I mentioned to my children last night about me meeting someone else and they said I have the house spiders to keep me company when they're not there.😆

He's definitely single.
We've only met for coffee or a drink. But have talked in the evening. And he's sent me photos and videos of him watching his kids doing their various activities. Then turned up to meet me wearing exactly the same clothes.

@NellyTheCake

I would say his kids come 1st no matter what,
I would say I have probably been in the same boat for some time, I have dated women who have their Kids most of the time & it’s tricky

I had an hour’s round trip this week to meet someone for dinner and a quick kiss and bum squeeze and she went home again, it sucks for sure - but that’s just kinda how things are really, sorry 😢

Underwater…to me…it sounds simply great. I personally could not fall in love with someone that hasn’t got a past at this stage. I would doubt highly he’s emotionally open if he never invested in anyone ( i.e. very long relationship, kids, marriage perhaps).
I think he’s going through a really hard patch right now but if you can cope with the issues and he’s fine with you… it can only get better as his issues start to settle.
HOWEVER
…if he’s very distraught…this is the time to go for therapy. Men do need therapy at some point I think. My cowboy banker ex husband went into a massive depression a year after divorcing me. I had to take care of him 😞. He recovered and made my life hell afterwards though
Talk to him and see how he feels. Make sure he’s not in a rebound with you too

Absolutely right that his kids come first. I'm not questioning that at all.

But we can't go out for dinner, have a walk in the sunshine, go to the cinema etc as he doesn't seem to have enough time. I can't go to his house. He could come to my house when my kids aren't home. But would he have the time?

He's been single 2yrs and says he wants a relationship. But how do you do that if you can only see someone for a quick coffee here & there?

I asked if he ever had time for himself and he said, no, not really.

I guess I either have to be really patient or say come back in a couple of years!

Nelly, do you have kids? If he has full custody and has them 100% he needs to book someone to stay with kids at least one day a week so you can go for dinner or something. A 13 and 15 year old can be together alone with a pizza on a Friday, Saturday evening. It’s fine as long as dad has phone with him. He should take you for dinner or something. I would re check his living arrangement. I do not believe he can’t get off a few hours and pay a baby sitter , or just disappear and leave them with Netflix and pizza at the weekend .
something is not right. If you really really want someone…you make it work

Nelly, sorry…I am assuming his kids are not disabled or with severe ND or MH issues… if they are ….and he’s 100% with them and can’t leave them to a baby sitter ….he can’t date

PinkIdentity
I've got kids but old enough to be left on their own. But I remember what it was like trying to date & book babysitters. And how much it would cost.

I know why he's single & has his kids 100%. He told me his story when we first met and showed me proof. I know who he is and have done detective work to verify this.

Mon-Fri his kids have activities in the evening. Not always local to him so he spends a lot of time driving them around.

Sat and Sun daytime he does the same. I only met him a week ago so dinner on a Sat eve for example, hasn't been suggested by either of us yet.

We've arranged to meet one evening this week between drop off and pick up of his kids. Hopefully that should give us an hour. And I'll have to ask him how he sees this going forward.