Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Such a difference being in a city, I would no within 5 miles and probably 1/2 within 15/20, about 60 is limit even then is dodgy and that on the edge of a university city, all sorts of people in there

No everyone is attached to their phones 24/7, for example, I’m up with the larks and out early with my hobby group and going to be out of contact pretty much all day

@5thWisdom if you were the one unavailable when you both wanted to meet, surely you should be agreeing the date and confirming a time. I read your post as you weren't free, he asked to meet, you said yes but didn't run with it and just asked about his weekend. If he's normal as you say, he might have thought you weren't that interested and you preferred a pen pal.

I'd probably send a follow up saying shall we do that call tonight or sorry about last weekend, are you free on x/y/z

Apologies, I missed the above
if @5thWisdom has missed one available date the I would certainly think she needs to make the running for a bit,

Don't worry about any smugness, just enjoy my lovely ☺️ very happy for you.

@LostidentityM @NoDatingForOldMen Yes, I'm the one who couldn't make it. I asked for a phone call, he suggested that we do this evening. I replied to agree and now silence.

As you suggested, I did send a little follow up message to say that I really am interested in meeting in person. The issue is that I don't want to go into the details of the complications currently being brought on by my ex which mean that I don't actually know when I'm child free next. He does have children of his own so hopefully would understand, it just takes the fizz out of it a bit doesn't it?!
I'm just going to sound like a hassle and someone he'd rather avoid. Which is so frustrating as I'm in a situation completely out of my control and obviously my child comes first.

I realise I'm being ridiculous but this is the first man who actually comes across as genuine, mature and someone I'd definitely like to know better. I need to dial down my expectations and enthusiasm I think!

@5thWisdom I guess if your situation is messy like this, realistically can you actually date if you cant even commit to date 1? Personally I'd move heaven and earth to get that first date in, then make a call on whether you'd want to continue. I say this as someone in a similar situation with childcare but I can make dating work with other family support.

I'm just going to sound like a hassle and someone he'd rather avoid

if this availability hiccup is temporary you might want to explain. Lightly !

and maybe he feels the same that you are the first nice person hes met in a while

I know romantic life is fraught- but I don’t buy that all men are players and fickle and have a harem of others

its just as hard for them

Yes I am aware that I've never met him in person and need to calm down.

I could potentially meet during lunch and school hours so that will have to be my suggestion for now - just to get that initial Date 0 and see what he's like in real life.

NoDatingForOldMen

we have different logistical challenges
but challenges nonetheless !
i saw what you said about wanting to sleep the night together

that’s totally reasonable ! And maybe that needs to apply to your filters
Grown up kids !

He has his children 50/50 and he has alluded to fact his ex is a nightmare (his words) for changing handover days etc.

So it doesn't sound straightforward that end either.

@5thWisdom I'd say get that 1st meeting in, then make a call. Otherwise you both really don't know who the other person is! Or even a video call?

5thWisdom

well there we are
he has similar challenges
keep with faith with this one please 🙏

newiron has no baggage 🧳
none !
which could be a concern as I have shit loads

then again I turn up wearing no knickers so he’s pretty happy 😃

Update: it was great! There was kissing! Seeing him again soon.

So glad for you Banana! Do we have a name for this iron?

Worsy!! No knickers 😂😂😂😈!
You aren’t having a love relationship with him though. So it doesn’t matter about Newiron past. Or your baggage.

Fifthie…why can’t you just arrange a video cal and outline in that video call what your challenges re meeting up are. I think sometimes we overcomplicate simple things. Communication is needed and it goes both ways. You run the risk of being too difficult by just not being clear about two things

1. you really want to meet and are interested in him
2. can you call and video call now or this evening ( or whenever it suits) and explain a bit and try to plan meet up??

unless you are staying in another country ( and even then you can video call and arrange to meet when you are back)

By the way Fifthie…there’s nothing wrong with feeling hopeful and really like a mature lovely bloke. Nothing at all

Haven't caught up with the thread for a while this week but just had to say- what's with all the kayaks?????

So many pics of men with paddle boards, camper vans and with especially with KAYAKS! I have been into paddling for 30 years and there aren't many single men actually kayaking out there and certainly not in the numbers I see OLD. I also know how long it takes to kit out all my kids and get us all out so I assume these are solo pursuits for the men involved while their kids are looked after? I would actually quite go for a proper kayaking chap but really.

Oh, and I saw a man cuddling, yes actually bear hugging a massive fish the size of a large child on Hinge this week. WTF? Nope, don't fancy you because you hug big fish. And now smell like one! I do wonder what the blokes take the piss out of us women for posting online. I genuinely fancy pretty much nobody online at the moment!!! Save me from the nunnery...

Bigskystargazer

if you want a refreshing break from the fish and kayaks try FEELD

‘hey I’m poly Jake and linked below is my poly partner willow . we love rope and jelly and unicorns 🦄’

Hi all..I need help!

So as posted above 2 irons. Mr W & Mr P

chatted to each for a couple of
weeks. Met Mr w last week & Mr P last night night on 1st dates

Both look like their pics (infact younger)
Both nervous on meeting but Mr p more so
Both have good jobs
Mr w been divorced 2yrs
Mr p going through one, but seems ok..
no red red flags with either so far.

how do I decide which one to carry on with..both want a 2nd date?!

There must be one you like the most?? Or are they both “ meh”?
If you like both guys… make a date with each. You don’t need to decide immediately

@ANOTHERnewstart go on dates again with them both - they are likely to be dating others at this stage anyway too

ANOTHERnewstart

agree Keep dating both
keep the texting low too
dating both fine
but texting both a bit of a headfuck

I had my first ever date from tinder (since divorce) on monday.. met in starbucks.. it was VERY awkward, we was both very nervous but wowzers was he fit! Had the nicest blue eyes and dark lashes. Meeting him again on Monday, going crazy golf/bar.. hoping to get the sausage because its been a while but will see😆
I must remember the rules and NOT get too carried away!

I don't know what's happened with my account but I can't seem to follow this thread as a "Thread I am on" so apologies for missing things. Hope all is well with you all.
My update is I am still smitten with Mr Tall and he appears to feel the same. Surely I cannot get so lucky to gel with my second ever Tinder date? I am just scared it will go down in flames. That's my own insecurities talking. I had some concerns about bedroom stuff but that has gotten much better with time. He's such a sweetheart and makes me feel very cherished and I am now v attracted to him. Very. I know it's early days and I must be sensible. I was talking to 3 others but have just lost the will to carry on with them and don't want to waste anyone's time. I just really hope he doesn't break my heart 🤦‍♀️.