Page 31 | Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

qqq82 · 2023-03-29T06:57:42+00:00

The Rules: 1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

NoDatingForOldMen · 28/04/2023 18:07

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 17:53

Interesting re staying over. The first time MrWozfunnest came back to my flat he stayed all night cuddled up -was wonderful 😁

And that’s the thing I miss, probably more than the sex TBH

Myfabby · 28/04/2023 18:29

user727494727 · 28/04/2023 18:06

Hi I'm new to the thread. I left my ex 18 months ago (toxic and narc behaviour). I have gone through therapy to help me and recently joined dating sites. I joined and deleted a few times because I wasn't ready. But the last time I gave it a chance I think I have met somebody!
We have been seeing each other for a month or so so very early days but lots of texting, some dates and good chemistry!
It's just hard because I am constantly looking for the red flags eg I am paranoid about love bombing and over think things. But he seems lovely, is happy to take things at my pace (emotionally more than physically I want to take things slowly). We are both off the apps, I noticed he came off before me. The green flags are all there - financially secure, good relationship with children's mother, kind, generous, attractive, has a good social life etc.
But I really struggle with complements and giving them back due to emotional walls so I bat them back with a joke.
I haven't discussed my history yet as I don't feel emotionally ready but I have hinted that there have been prior issues which make me wary.
I'm not really sure what I want from the post to be honest! I haven't really talked to friends about it, because my child doesn't know obviously and it seems off telling people and lying to them. So yeah, my OLD journey so far!

You sound self aware and have had therapy which is useful. it is normal to be a bit guarded- you have some history with a toxic ex partner so I think your cautious approach is sensible. If he's a great guy and keeps being a great guy, the walls will come down. I wouldn't rush into your past history and I certainly wouldn't go into lots of details Good luck with dating!

@NoDatingForOldMen Another one for understanding why she won't stay over. It took me ages to do so and even now I prefer my own bed and defo my own bathroom. I have an ick about bathrooms in general anyway but thats a whole different topic haha. (He has an amazing bathroom, but it's not mine;-)
I think be patient, enjoy the evening/DTD and see how it goes in future.

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 18:30

Thanks so much Pink
No communication - it is bizarre. He is troubled with many issues and in the past has assumed I was dumping him because of some syntax I used in conversation so I do think he assumed my sending two messages without kisses was the end. Yes I know it v is bonkers but he is peculiar.
But the enforced silence has given me time to think and there are so many things that are just discordant in our relationship that I am just accepting it now and genuinely starting to enjoy life without him. It is going to be awkward s as we have friends and interests in common. So far my family issues b and his crazy international work life has meant that no one is asking but it will soon be noticeable that we haven’t been seen together for weeks.

user727494727 · 28/04/2023 18:37

@Myfabby thank you for that and I agree. It's just trying to balance taking it slow without going too slow without the context of my history. I know I need to open up a little more because I do quite like him, but I can't seem to verbalize so I'm trying to show with actions instead as it's easier! But I'm feeling optimistic. I'm not worried about him leaving me or changing his mind, that's just life. But I am worried about opening up to a relationship that ends up toxic again (no red flags yet, but it's always in the back of my mind)

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 28/04/2023 18:44

Should I bin this one?

I went back on Bumble and matched with a guy 6 miles away (and hid my profile once I got chatting to him as I’m not one for having multiple irons on the go). First few days great. Lots in common. Last Friday he was quiet and I didn’t hear from him until Sunday. He said he’d been busy with jobs and had been out with friends on the Friday evening. Started chatting again and he would send a message morning and evening. Quite long messages and asked me about my job and kids. Then, nothing since and this was 4 days ago.

He isn’t interested is he? Should I delete?

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 28/04/2023 18:45

He seemed really nice!

PinkIdentity · 28/04/2023 19:01

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 18:30

Thanks so much Pink
No communication - it is bizarre. He is troubled with many issues and in the past has assumed I was dumping him because of some syntax I used in conversation so I do think he assumed my sending two messages without kisses was the end. Yes I know it v is bonkers but he is peculiar.
But the enforced silence has given me time to think and there are so many things that are just discordant in our relationship that I am just accepting it now and genuinely starting to enjoy life without him. It is going to be awkward s as we have friends and interests in common. So far my family issues b and his crazy international work life has meant that no one is asking but it will soon be noticeable that we haven’t been seen together for weeks.

You know I still think it’s best to talk. You have friends in common too so you guys need to clear the air anyway. I detect your heart has not left him altogether although your head is gearing for it. I really really think it’s time to talk?

PinkIdentity · 28/04/2023 19:03

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 28/04/2023 18:44

Should I bin this one?

I went back on Bumble and matched with a guy 6 miles away (and hid my profile once I got chatting to him as I’m not one for having multiple irons on the go). First few days great. Lots in common. Last Friday he was quiet and I didn’t hear from him until Sunday. He said he’d been busy with jobs and had been out with friends on the Friday evening. Started chatting again and he would send a message morning and evening. Quite long messages and asked me about my job and kids. Then, nothing since and this was 4 days ago.

He isn’t interested is he? Should I delete?

He’s been busy dating other ladies… you are not preference…that’s what I think

Myfabby · 28/04/2023 19:29

PinkIdentity · 28/04/2023 19:03

He’s been busy dating other ladies… you are not preference…that’s what I think

Show quote history

agree. 4 days and not a peep? you're on the back burner.

NoDatingForOldMen · 28/04/2023 19:30

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 28/04/2023 18:44

Should I bin this one?

I went back on Bumble and matched with a guy 6 miles away (and hid my profile once I got chatting to him as I’m not one for having multiple irons on the go). First few days great. Lots in common. Last Friday he was quiet and I didn’t hear from him until Sunday. He said he’d been busy with jobs and had been out with friends on the Friday evening. Started chatting again and he would send a message morning and evening. Quite long messages and asked me about my job and kids. Then, nothing since and this was 4 days ago.

He isn’t interested is he? Should I delete?

Probably multi chatting & maybe multi dating ( tbh that advice is often given on this site)

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 19:33

PinkIdentity · 28/04/2023 19:01

You know I still think it’s best to talk. You have friends in common too so you guys need to clear the air anyway. I detect your heart has not left him altogether although your head is gearing for it. I really really think it’s time to talk?

Show quote history

You are a good detector😁

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 19:36

VanillaSox · 28/04/2023 19:33

You are a good detector😁

Show quote history

Yes but I can't initiate the talk - is always him that had to initiate those because he is just so brittle and fragile that her grey rocks if I do.
I know he will be getting too scared and c will revert to his normal behaviour of 'accidentally' being in places he knows I'll be.

PinkIdentity · 28/04/2023 19:36

I like you Vanilla…and have followed you since the jango days! I know he’s important for you 🥰

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 28/04/2023 19:49

NoDatingForOldMen · 28/04/2023 19:30

Probably multi chatting & maybe multi dating ( tbh that advice is often given on this site)

Show quote history

Probably! I’ll delete!

5thWisdom · 28/04/2023 22:32

Oh my dears, I need talking down.

My OLD record is awful, as some of you may know.

I matched with a man on Bumble last weekend and I'm trying not to get carried away. Nothing has happened so I'm just fantasising and being silly but updating here to get it out.

He's the perfect height, attractive, intelligent, a professional. His messages are sensible, mature and normal which is exactly what I need and refreshing change from the crazy, insecure men I've been with. He's reassured me on a few matters (like distance etc) and has been very straightforward about wanting to meet. Messaging was very frequent back and forth last weekend in terms of wanting to get to know each other.

We've messaged every day since but these have been a single exchange back and forth- nothing meaningful since last weekend - but we both have demanding jobs and children so that's fine and understandable.

A few complications that I won't detail have meant we haven't been able to meet in person this weekend as we'd originally planned last weekend but factors outside my control. He's asked about my availability. I've offered a phone call and explained my situation, he was keen and suggested tomorrow evening. I replied earlier this afternoon to agree but not confirmed a time, asking what his evening and weekend plans are. Nothing since from him.

I'm sitting on my hands, really hoping he messages this evening. I'm playing it cool and trying to get carried away on the basis of nothing and never having met him.

I know I'm being daft and overthinking and tired after a long week. Just sharing here instead of sending a chaser embarrassing text to him, which I won't do.

I've paused my Bumble account because I've got enough going on in my life, work and family wise, and I'm not good at juggling men.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:08

user727494727

agree to take it slow and I’ve learnt also this -
he doesn’t need the back story and any ex files

judge him on his behaviour and try to trust your judgement 🙂

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:12

5thWisdom

i tend to fall into the ‘people have shit on’ rather than automatically assuming ‘hes
messaging someone else !’

well I try to ….

let’s hope he gets in touch 🙂
and j know I get a bit disappointed when dates have to be arranged and re arranged
it’s stressful isn’t it

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:15

VanillaSox

interesting and good you you are enjoying the single life
I think with all the ups and downs you have , it’s natural that a period of calm appeals !

I think the better you are feeling the better the conversation you will eventually have

5thWisdom · 28/04/2023 23:15

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:12

5thWisdom

i tend to fall into the ‘people have shit on’ rather than automatically assuming ‘hes
messaging someone else !’

well I try to ….

let’s hope he gets in touch 🙂
and j know I get a bit disappointed when dates have to be arranged and re arranged
it’s stressful isn’t it

Worsy - Oh it's just as if the ex is continuing to sabotage my happiness and with a stranger, you can't or won't be able to explain these things - so hope you don't come across like you're making lame excuses...

When are you seeing your iron next - and are we naming him yet?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:19

I’ve just got back !

I asked are you seeing or dating other women and he said ‘no’ and I said ‘cool’ 😂

can’t think of a name ! Newiron ?

so did you have to cancel date cos of ex and childcare issues ?

5thWisdom · 28/04/2023 23:21

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:19

I’ve just got back !

I asked are you seeing or dating other women and he said ‘no’ and I said ‘cool’ 😂

can’t think of a name ! Newiron ?

so did you have to cancel date cos of ex and childcare issues ?

Hope you had a good evening!

Feel free to message me but I've taken heed of your caution and don't want to go into details here x

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:25

I get it
lets hope he gets back in touch and you can explain discretely low key face to face the challenges you have
baggage 🧳
we all have it !

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:26

I did have a nice evening !

5thWisdom · 28/04/2023 23:27

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:26

I did have a nice evening !

Next step/date? What are his plans over BH weekend?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/04/2023 23:33

Seeing him Monday
and not driving 😬 so I can have a few drinks

god the logistics I have as I can’t have men here …and kids always here as dad in another country
I’ve literally filtered men to my borough + 5 miles 😂

so far , so good 😊
but don’t want to be smug or complacent