Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@30somethingandstillsingle
He is definitely interested in your money and would probably just use you as a nice meal ticket. He is trying to secure his future but using someone else to fund it. Lots of red flags 🚩! I’d end the relationship.

@30somethingandstillsingle I agree with others - he's text book love bombing and future faking and ultimately you don't seem to be on same page anyway so I'd run for hills personally

5thWisdom

Same one ! I wasn’t to sure with him to start as I’d just ended something and was a bit 🤯

Bit hes a nice guy and the physicals were good , and I feel safe with him

I don’t mind the slow texting It’s Actually rather refreshing

but for my own sanity I need to check the lie of the land

it’s only date 5 but if I’m investing time and babysitter money and my ❤️

30somethingandstillsingle

im sorry it’s another concerned post

your money is for YOU and your kids
not for his starter and dessert 😡

This is lovely to hear and I completely agree with you. It's also a good opportunity to see how well he is able to communicate and articulate his feelings. I'd definitely want to know how he sees things and that you're on same page.

You deserve the best so wishing all the best for that conversation x

I could have written this word for word from the beginning of my abusive relationship.

Please tread with caution. I would be running away and wish I'd had Mumsnet to advise me 5 years ago to do the same.

Protect yourself and all your assets. Do not let this man manipulate your boundaries, please. You sound alert to him so keep your eyes wide open here and don't let your judgement be clouded by his flattery.

Your post started so sweet…and I was ready to jump in and say my now 8 years long love affair said he loved me in our second date too. And I thought it was totally normal as I felt the exact same
however…
The money part is so very wrong. And, personally, I think it’s better to put your energy for a relationship in someone with a similar economic level as the one you have. I’m older and my kids are older too now. It’s very important for me to have my own home and my money and that he has his own home and his money too. We can argue about a lot of issues but we have never had any issue regarding money. I trust him completely on that front and viceversa. We know each other’s financial position perfectly.
Relationships require work, not always everything is great but trusting someone totally about his economic intentions about you is fundamental. Without that…there’s nothing. Please listen to your gut. You know already by posting here what to do

Oh Worsy!!! He’s a nice guy and you feel safe…I love that!!… please do not pigeonhole yourself ( and him) into anything. Just enjoy it and see how it goes. And communicate with him what you think

5th
thanks , don’t we all (deserve nice )
It's also a good opportunity to see how well he is able to communicate and articulate his feelings.

yes , I had a bit of a meltdown last Friday when we had confusion on date timing ⏱ he acquitted himself pretty well I felt (eventually !)
he also phoned not texted which is sensible

Some people just don’t seem to ask questions over text I have been in the same situation, but it was different when you meet in person

He is after a meal ticket, give him a swerve.
I don’t actually believe in matching finances as they vary so much, but people do need to be able to stand on their own 2 feet financially

So need some opinions please

Have a few dates with someone, all very nice, but we about an hour apart ( a genuine 60 mile country drive not a few stops on the tube).

she has a young adult daughter living at home so we generally meet about 1/2 way, anyhow looking at her coming to mine, we are probably at the DTD stage, I would like her to stay over an not just leave, but she has alluded to her going home again afterwards.

opinions please from the women with teens / young adults at home, would you generally stay over or get home?

Just to touch on the money thing, I not a high earner or a banker or on London wages, but I have out earned most of the women I have been in relationships with, that’s not a brag, it’s just a thing, but I think men are a bit more accepting or maybe more used to dating people who earn less.

NoDatingForOldMen

if she says she needs to get home for her DD I’d assume there is a reason she has to
either she’s worried or the kids not happy to stay home alone

plus it’s a first shag ! She might not feel comfy staying over

when I was younger I did 😁
musical beds !

but now I want me bed , especially when I don’t know the guy

i most defo would not leave my teen home alone overnight either
i do t think they’d like it

I agree with Worsy, Howlongy. I think it’s totally normal for her to want to go home afterwards. Especially as it’s the first time together. I think one needs to go back to familiar territory and her kid after a first time. She needs to feel comfortable with you before she stays over. We women are very self conscious. Don’t read anything else in this. Other than she’s totally normal!. I have teen kids and I have to be honest…I leave them when they are gone from home or I’m gone from home and sleep with my man. I have never left them alone while having them at home. I have never had my MrEx sleeping at my main home either. No man has ever slept at my kids home. So…yes…some of us are particular about this.

@NoDatingForOldMen i agree with pp. I actually think sleeping in a bed next to someone is more intimate than DTD. Sounds weird but there is something quite vulnerable about being asleep and waking up with someone. You don’t have control over how you look, maybe snoring, dribbling etc. someone is seeing you in your raw state and I wouldn’t want to stay over the first time either

I have a second date today! Really nervous because I really like him, wish me luck!

Super good luck lovely. Enjoy 😊

@NoDatingForOldMen i Agree with the going home afterwards. I find sleeping in a bed with someone far more intimate than sex. That takes me much longer to want to do this.

@Bananapants2022 good luck - have fun.

@Thisisworsethananticpated good Luck too!

@NoDatingForOldMen I agree with MapleUnicorn, it’s probably that sleeping over feels like a more intimate step, I definitely wouldn’t stay at anyone’s for a good while.

I agree going home is normal. I dated a woman a while back and she came to mine but never stopped. I stopped at hers long before she stopped at mine.

Interesting re staying over. The first time MrWozfunnest came back to my flat he stayed all night cuddled up -was wonderful 😁

awww Vanilla…how are things with Mrwoz? Have you managed to talk?

Yep, that’s how have always found it happens

Hi I'm new to the thread. I left my ex 18 months ago (toxic and narc behaviour). I have gone through therapy to help me and recently joined dating sites. I joined and deleted a few times because I wasn't ready. But the last time I gave it a chance I think I have met somebody!
We have been seeing each other for a month or so so very early days but lots of texting, some dates and good chemistry!
It's just hard because I am constantly looking for the red flags eg I am paranoid about love bombing and over think things. But he seems lovely, is happy to take things at my pace (emotionally more than physically I want to take things slowly). We are both off the apps, I noticed he came off before me. The green flags are all there - financially secure, good relationship with children's mother, kind, generous, attractive, has a good social life etc.
But I really struggle with complements and giving them back due to emotional walls so I bat them back with a joke.
I haven't discussed my history yet as I don't feel emotionally ready but I have hinted that there have been prior issues which make me wary.
I'm not really sure what I want from the post to be honest! I haven't really talked to friends about it, because my child doesn't know obviously and it seems off telling people and lying to them. So yeah, my OLD journey so far!