Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Harrypewter

only two ! I’ve had a 1000 it feels like
but agree and think this is partly why things turned to shit with my ex , as he had no one to process his awful divorce with and it festered

My friends really into this guy and she’s basically said he he doesn’t get some therapy they can’t continue as he’s too messed up

Thanks all. Well I have a 2nd date booked, and I’m excited to see him again.
Ive also gone with the majority decision on here & my friends and arranged a 1st date for tomorrow with the other guy…wish me luck!

@Mapleunicorn i have not long had exactly this. Great chat back and forth but I said to my friends ‘he isn’t great at asking back and it could be a sign of self centered ness?’ They encouraged me to meet him, of which I did and he was lovely & asked lots on person so I’d suggest meeting just to see.

@ANOTHERnewstart good luck and let us know how it goes!

Thank you, I think I’m just over cautious as I got burnt recently. Dated someone for 3 months then found out by chance that he wasn’t actually single 😬 I think I missed a load of red flags so my bar is very high at the moment! I will give him a little more leeway (particularly because he is hot!)

I just had a need to discuss the ending of the relationship with my ex when we first broke up.

I had a consultation and then 1 session. It was nice to validate my experience, my understanding of the experience, and whether the abuse and resulting affair hadn't affected me too much. The counselor suggested the ex had narcissistic traits.

Anyhow, chats on Tinder are going great. Ms. Estonia has suggested I visit soon. A few of the other irons are coming along nicely. However, I have an old friend from 6 yrs ago coming for dinner on Tuesday.

Dated someone for 3 months then found out by chance that he wasn’t actually single

ouch 😣😣😣
ah well these red flags 🚩 just keep coming

I have TWO dates with my new iron this weekend

im going to have to have the exlusivity convo

my gut tells me he’s pretty into me
and he knows I’m off the apps
but gotta ask ….

as I have no time to multiple date so if I don’t get the answer I like I’ll have to stop 🛑 😞

ANOTHERnewstart

good luck
there are no right answers I think
I’m the same . I’m too lazy and anxious to multiple date

@Mapleunicorn sorry to hear that. I just wonder why they bother..it’s not like they can keep it up?! I’m like you, my bar is HIGH! I’ve decided I’d rather ask and check than sit & wonder. I’ve been pretty picky & blunt with what I want and so far they’re both still interested..I’ll keep you posted!

Do you have just the one guy you’re chatting to?

@Thisisworsethananticpated good call on the chat, and I would say just be really direct. MrNotSingle and I had a chat and said we were both off the apps (which I think was true) and that we wouldn’t be comfortable being on the apps given where we had progressed to. But I didn’t actually ask if he had anyone in real life as I just assumed that wasn’t necessary. He probably would have lied anyway but still

@ANOTHERnewstart i matched with a second one but I wasn’t going to message. He then extended the chat for 24 hours (bumble) which I found quite flattering so I messaged. He now hasn’t replied 🤷‍♀️

probably for the best as they had the same name so could have got pretty confusing! He has a few hours left so we shall see

@Mapleunicorn really! Again whats the point?! I find it hard chatting to 2 and yes the same name thing..maybe it’s a sign!

how did you find out he wasn’t single? What was his explanation when you confronted him?

Best of luck on the exclusivity chat but I think if he’s meeting you twice this weekend…it’s safe to say he’s quite into you! 😊. Enjoy

Yes
and this one doesn’t make me anxious 😬
Yet !!!
he also wanted to meet tonight

He fancies you crazy Worsy…proceed safely 🥰

@PinkIdentity i found out through good old instagram. A post he obviously didn’t think I would see. And I’m yet to get an explanation!

@ANOTHERnewstart I'd have agreed to see the second too - just because you've had a good date with one doesn't mean it will necessarily go anywhere

Good luck with the chat @Thisisworsethananticpated but sounds like he's very into you 😊

Haven't heard anything more from Mr gig since Sunday and can't be bothered to chase either so probably for best. Not chatting with anyone else at moment so quiet weekend for me unless I meet anyone out in wild on Saturday night when I'm out in city with a friend 😁

Slothy enjoy your weekend and you never know IRL can work wonders.
I think if you have not heard from Mrgig since Sunday he’s safely not into you. He might contact you if he has no one else this weekend and feels like going out. Beware!!!

Yeah @PinkIdentity that was my feeling but to be fair to him I'm clearly not that interested either if not bothered. I just felt that he backed off a bit once I turned down going back to his on our second date which indicates we weren't looking for same thing

Slothmomma

aha
did he now 🤔
hmm
that speaks volumes really

Slothy…thank goodness you didn’t go to his home…good judgment!!

Just jumping back in here to ask people's opinions rather than posting a new post and being eaten alive!

I've been dating a guy for nearly 3 months now. I guess we are actually a couple now. He's very intense, maybe even needy. He asked to make things 'official' on date 2! And dropped the L bomb after 6 weeks (both of those things I was honest with him and told him I'm not at the same stage as him yet).

When I'm with him it's mostly lovely, I enjoy his company.
However, there have been some red flag moments...he mentions my money ALOT im working on a big project that will pay me nicely, but I've worked hard for it and also I am self employed so it's not just this big lump sum I can waste away... it's my income! He seems to have little regard in that sense- so if we go for a meal and it's my turn to pay, he will insist in a starter and dessert too, whereas if he's paying there's no starter or dessert! This has happened a few times and he actually says "as you're paying".

I'm also looking at moving next year and after I mentioned this he started sending me links to houses big enough for both our children (they have never even met him!!) and talking about getting a mortgage together in a year or 2...and I also mentioned that I want to take mine to Disneyland in a couple of years (when they are a bit older) and he starts talking about how he's looked at the prices etc.

Anyway, last week he revealed he was declared bankrupt almost 2 years ago and the state of his finances became apparent.

I am absolutely not a gold digger, earn my own money but I've realised that 1. I need someone who is equals in terms of earnings and 2. I think he may see me as a way out of his shitty situation.

I have had a habit of overthinking things in the past so just wondered about how people view those examples I've given? There's many more similar things he has said too.

Also, he's never met my children and I have zero intention of introducing him any time soon let alone buying a house with him (or anyone) ever!

@30somethingandstillsingle
i dated a guy like this..took the P a lot..but was kind of nice about it and clearly clever to keep me interested.
teading what you’ve out it does sound like he’s seeing you as a good financial option and I’d be wary of that of course.
aside from the money part what else does he bring to the table?

@PinkIdentity the other thing that's important to bear in mind, lovely, is that it's likely that the meds he needs and alcohol aren't a great combination, from what I'm aware. Another factor to consider whilst supporting him x

Is this the one from last week who was slow to message and you met on Friday night or a new one?

@30somethingandstillsingle again I'd run screaming. He's lovebombing you because obviously you are a decent catch (which is flattering). He's future faking (which again is flattering). But, why the interest in your finances, even mentioning it at all after just 3 months, let alone going into it in too much detail. Add to that his bankruptcy. I think it's too much. I'd have walked away but if you like him, tread very carefully indeed. He's showing you who he is.