Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yes Worsy. Better to rent. He’s ready to make a sizable investment in property but he’s really not there. He has agreed that if he can’t get better just with therapist… he will go to doctor and get prescription 😞
Your DS is getting the attention he needs from you but sometimes , there’s so much one can do. They’re teens and the brain and hormones is haywire

But Harry… if ladies from Estonia are looking for chaps in the Uk in tindeR and you need to travel to Estonia… how are you going to have a relationship? traveling back and forth? Or you just go to Estonia to have fun 🤩? Curious 🧐

PinkIdentity

thats good he’s open to meds 💊

i started them after i split with ex
now im in a MUCH better place but I’m reluctant to stop them just in case

no side effects for me at all actually , just a reduction in very dark thoughts

this MH shit is hard hard ongoing work

Dunno yet. I'm not moving to Estonia though.
I would travel though for some sightseeing and erm fun.
She said her ex was English, so maybe she likes English men.
Her communication is spot on, very fluent, direct, and fun. She was in the Uk last week.

@Harrypewter

One woman agreed to another date, I said I'll pay for this one, you pay for the next. There wasn't a next date she ghosted me. Only to reappear 2 yrs later on boxing day working for an international bank, 'Hi Harry'.

😂😂 that’s funny, - did you ask her why it took 2 years for her to get back to you, did she loose your phone number or something 😂😂

Bizarre, she lived an hr away originally then ended up in Europe working for an international bank. She was asking if I remembered her, I replied yes I do, you owe me a date or money.😂 She said she went back to an ex for a bit but it didn't work out.
We chatted for a few weeks.
Tbh I had quite a few exes from the app days reappear at various points. One even rang up at 1 am whilst the (ex-long-term girlfriend/fiance) had my phone in her hand.😂
One date who lived 70 miles away came to stay at mine. Booked a table in the local Thai restaurant. A local woman I'd dated came in and sat at the table next to us. When we got up to leave a friend and his wife were sat behind us. Who knew the local woman and I had dated? Both were sniggering.
Longest 2 hrs of my life.😂
I took another girl to a local bistro pub, and got a ping on my phone, a friend had a pic of me sitting at the bar with this date. Spies everywhere. On the same date, decided to carry on late into the night, the first bar I took her in started to smell of sewerage. Killed it.
Halcyon days.
Unfortunately, I can't see this time around being like that.
I don't have the same verve atm.

@Harrypewter

I think my Tinder filter is set to Global .My max distance is actually set to 25 miles away from my home address. Bumble is just set to 20 miles away.

How come you're setting your max distances so close on Tinder/Bumble, and yet you are simultaneously pursuing women in Estonia?!

Because I think the app, shows you people from outside your filters.
Ms.Estonia was in the UK when we matched. Now she's gone back home.
Her profile does specifically say she's looking to date EU-wide.
The Lithuanian women, I don't know. It must be the there filters and mine matching. The Russian/Ukrainians, I've actually been on dates with have all been Uk based.
Although recently a few have matched from St Petersburg and Moscow. I do believe If one had unlimited funds, a person could just fly around the world going on dates.

When I used Bumble 6 yrs ago the app used to match me with people outside the parameters I'd set all the time. That's how I met the woman from Virginia Waters and my ex who was in North Yorkshire. I don't mind traveling.

@Harrypewter

Ok thanks, makes my think the filters are pretty pointless then!

I've no idea, They seem not to be strict.
Tinder has shown me a couple of people from Bangkok. They must be global as well. I've just swiped left.
Bumble runs out occasionally or it'll say, you have people from outside of your search. You can use a Tinder passport and go anywhere in the world. I think Bumble has a similar feature. Only if you pay though.

Thank you Worsy… it’s great that you are feeling good on meds and can’t see significant side effects. I think he feels petrified at the thought as his DM suffered from depression all her life and was heavily medicated for a large chunk of it. He worries too about that…is there something genetic about depression tendencies ??. I think we have to be honest and understand MANAGING your MH can be a thing for life and can be done safely too. I’m really thinking his serotonin levels must be in the floor…most of his issues started during Covid …and we broke up right after.
I understand a lot more what has been going on now. And I think we needed a conversation. It was very hard but it makes me love him even more as a person. I don’t really know what will happen as therapy progresses or meds take hold but I feel grateful he’s been in my life. I don’t know what will happen in the future but I’m happy going week by week and re assessing how I feel too

PinkIdentity

i know we are talking MH on a dating thread
but it’s interesting to read his journey

you know - for us women navigating his issues is slightly easier , me and friends have been discussing our MH for decades - and our fucked up families 😬

i Guess he’s been burying this forever and it’s like Whoah ! WTF

I don’t think anyone will escape unscathed from having a depressed mother .
but let’s hope he gets some tools
also he needs to bear in mind this his mum got no support back then

barely any of what we have existed

• meds were worse ‘chemical cosh’
• therapy was rare and male led
• gender roles a total shit show
• no internet support forums

Hi all..just catching up with the posts.
so I only swiped 2, matched 2..not up for having multiple convos going.

First one who I liked the most asked me out, we had 1st date yesterday. He was as his pics, a little nervous but lovely. No red flags as yet and it went well. He’s asked for a 2nd date.

Man 2 who is also lovely is asking me for a date too, but due to the above I’ve gone quieter and don’t like doing so. What would you all do? I really like man 1..but it can’t be that easy to have clicked already yet feel bad knocking this man out..help!

@ANOTHERnewstart i don’t like having multiple conversations going either but first date is a bit early to cut one off. Date 1 tends to be all nerves and you don’t necessarily get a true sense of someone. Personally I would go for date 2 with first guy and go for date 1 with second guy then depending on how you feel about first guy make a call then

Worsy
barely any of what we have existed

• meds were worse ‘chemical cosh’
• therapy was rare and male led
• gender roles a total shit show
• no internet support forums

Exactly right. I still think like you women are better prepared to fight MH crisis. We share, don’t particular need to go into cave mood and don’t bother so much about showing vulnerability

You have a clear front runner… at this stage you have not even met man2. Politely tell him you are talking to someone else and dismiss.

@ANOTHERnewstart how will you know Man2 isn’t your better fit unless you meet him?

or just getting that feeling already from his messages? If so maybe don’t.

I'm in a similar position. I'm chatting to two and have met them both once.
At the moment, I like both. One has kids at home, the other doesn't. One is looking for more casual than a relationship.

I've arranged a second date with both because I need to get to know them better.

Unless there's a good reason for not meeting Man2 then I say, meet him and see what he's like.

You have a clear front runner… at this stage you have not even met man2. Politely tell him you are talking to someone else and dismiss.

I completely disagree.

The OP has had one date... There's nothing to be lost in meeting man 2, and quite a lot of potential benefits.

1. Either it reinforces man 1 - result!
2. Or man 2 is an even better match - result!
3. Or man 1 decides he's not into you (it happens to the best of us especially after 1 date even if they do seem keen) and you're relieved you decided not to disregard man 2 - result!

Good plan yes. I thought OP clearly preferred man 1! 🥴
I think second chances date don’t normally go too far though

Male support networks are diabolical. No one listens, a smoke screen of bravado and cutting comments, answers, and perspectives. All completely unnecessary.
That is the reason I reached out and had 2 counseling sessions. The counselor listen to me and validated my feelings. My best friends for emotional support are my female friends by a country mile.

Male support networks are diabolical. No one listens, a smoke screen of bravado and cutting comments, answers, and perspectives. All completely unnecessary.

this is quite sad. But it’s good a man says it too. At some point in life we need people who are happy to listen and women usually are brilliant at this

One of the issues, is actually, 'Listening', far too many men even with good intentions just interject with bloody solutions. Or as someone said 'a perspective'.
I don't want an insensitive perspective. The other issue is, discrediting what is being said.
Just shut up and listen.😂

Ok thoughts please. Matched with a guy on bumble yesterday morning and I sent him a message last night asking a question about something on his profile. He responded pretty quickly and said that he was glad I messaged as he was hoping I would. His answer to the question was pretty enthusiastic and in depth. But he didn’t ask anything in return.

so I responded by answering my own question and adding a follow up one. Again, he answered enthusiastically, but didn’t ask me anything to carry the conversation on

Do I give up after 2 messages? Or accept that some people just aren’t particularly great at texting and give him a bit longer?

I’d say if he’s enthusiastically answering what you ask…that is a good sign. Some people are different about asking questions…but it’s strange he does not feel curiosity to ask back a similar question to you.