Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I think what we class as Eastern European habits vary depending on what region. I know my ex who was Lithuainian had no issues in sharing finances. Across the friendship network, it seemed finances were shared across all the couples. Polish is similar.
I think it's only really the Russian/Ukraine women who expect the man to provide.
This is a partial quote from, Ms. Russia.
'Women should work less to have enough energy and love for their men. They should Earn less to feel the man is a leader though have enough earnings to make surprises for both of them'.

I've matched with a Ukraine woman on Bumble now and an Estonian, they're all in my age group too. I've also matched with a woman from Barnsley so quite a broad mix.😂
There are a few more, but, too many, and head space becomes too crowded.

Im musing today on what makes a good FWB

i was a bit jagged yesterday as newiron tried to change timings last minute
totally threw me and I nearly cancelled
i firmly explained that he can’t do that when I’m a LP

but as a result was less relaxed and also as sober didn’t fancy him so much
I do however like him and his company and sex is good

I just worry that if I really really fancy them I’ll get emotionally attached ?

i found myself thinking of my ex which is NOT good - as the great chemistry was marred by the poorest communication skills I’ve ever seen !!

I feel a bit bad for calling (some !) Eastern European women prostitutey
im from a rich country and I’m educated and I have a well paid job
so I don’t need a man for money

it’s a strange mindset
my friends like this she has a fairly solvent man and he pays for eveything !
maybe I’m jealous as no one looks after me

Harrypewter

tread carefully with ms russian!!!

she’ll be there jn an apron and a black negligee making you soup soon 😂

I think you have a thing for Eastern European/Russian/UKr though 😂😂😂

Worsy… so far is working ok… you can always ditch the guy if it’s no longer ok
For what is worth I have UKr mixed ancestry. It does not bother me at all something culturally truth. The fall of the Soviet Union created a huge shock and it marked people massively.
Men and wealthy men specially are ok with the arrangement and they are deluded if they think their partner is or can fall in love with them when they go for a typical eastern safety and money looking lady. Both get what they want

PinkIdentity

a not very classically attractive male colleague suprised us all and married a VERY attractive young EE woman
she happily said she’d given up work and was staying home as his wife
no kids 😊

i was younger then and less wise and I totally didn’t understand it
Problem is I don’t think he was that big an earner
hence I wonder about him chasing that competitive career cos he has to keep her

@qqq82 i think Mr Blocker was quite similar - supremely happy in his life, lots of hobbies and lots of friends, a group of very close friends, well off and extremely content in life. No kids couldn’t have them.
He was funny, outgoing, good looking and quite honestly would have found it very easy to attract a wide variety of women. A relationship would be a bonus to him but it would have to be on his terms. He also liked knowing that lots of women liked him. Emotionally available to friends and maybe to the right woman who has a very busy life.

I need a minimum amount of reassurance/ emotional availability. I also get bored of people very quickly and I tend to have limited patience for people who are so self centred.

I always seem to pop and throw my two cents into things that are slightly controversial. It is not prostitutety to marry and become a housewife.( and no I am not one.) People assess their partners for several factors for compatibility including solvency. It's also incredibly unfair to apply broad strokes with sterotyping a set of people- and to assume they do that from a poverty standpoint is just unconscionable. You also sound incredibly smug stating you are well educated, from a rich country etc. Your well paid job could be pennies to a russian oligarch's wife's shopping allowance.

I am in the mega minority of school mums that work. Surrey moms who married well and have never done a day's work since marriage. Why should I begrudge them and is that also considered prostituety?

We are all different and have very different standards. My parents for instance would have some not some nice names for people who have casual sex. It's not something I personally would do, but I would also take offence to anyone coming on here and slutshaming anyone who chooses that.

@Myfabby Not entirely sure your popping up on the thread has anything constructive to add with regards to OLD.

That's not Worsy being smug, that's self-awareness and statements of fact.

@5thWisdom that is so incredibly rude. Whilst we are at it, tagging EE women prostitutes is constructive ?

Worsy is allowed to be self aware but people who dated 'high flyers' or bankers were being braggy. I see the double standards

Myfabby

no it’s ok . I take slight umbrage at saying I’m smug however !

I’m really not , but I know alot of people and I don’t live in a solvent area. I can see other parents with kids like my DC , and they struggle more.
i also know that it’s not because I’m special or especially talented , it’s the lottery of what I was born into 🤷‍♀️

however I do have some mixed feelings on the topic , and I’m not 100% happy with how I worded it - mainly because of my friend who I’m actually very fond of

5thWisdom
😘

My parents for instance would have some not some nice names for people who have casual sex

so would mine
but that’s for me and my therapist 😬

I've had lots of therapyand a huge chunk was around parental expectations and how to myself better parent in certain areas🤐

MyFabby…absolutely not shaming anyone who decides to be a housewife or rear her kids. Also 0 criticism to women who marry solvent guys and decide to stay home. I did not work at all for 5 years to raise my little kids and never felt judged in the least. I married a city guy and Surrey/ London based.
You fall in love with who you fall in love
We are talking about something erm different. Escaping poverty or a not very rewarding life by chasing someone you absolutely not fancy or love…but can pay you expensive handbags and a life of no economic worry. It’s a very different thing from marrying someone solvent and being in love and choosing to be a stay at home mom which is great too. I’m of EE mix descent and feel 0 offence

Worsy did not cause any offence. I think she’s one of the most tolerant people here. I’m EE mix with euro. I understand. I’m also highly educated and raised in EU and UK so I don’t know how my life and education would have been if I had been born and raised to struggling family in the ex soviet influence area. I understand them and I understand the criticism. But if it works for people…

Basically I used a term I shouldn’t have to describe the concept what mila described

these complex things can be worded more elegantly

It's probably just a case of carrying on with him until it starts feeling instinctively uncomfortable, either because you fancy him less and less over time, or you just stop enjoying your time with him. Just stay in control. I imagine for any FWB situation to work, you do need that strong physical attraction whilst your feet remain on the ground as to why it can't go any further, emotionally.

One thing I don't understand at all is why Bumble throws up people in your stack that are not looking for the same thing. Surely the filter on whether people are looking for relationship/ casual etc is the most basic filter for the app to apply.

All of mine keep coming up with "Don't know yet" whilst I'm in the "Relationship" box. It's so annoying.

This is without subscription- maybe if I paid, I'd be able to filter out myself.

Fifthie, I paid for subscription because I wanted control of Bumble. So for example I could go incognito and the only people able to see my profile or contact me were those that I picked.

Maybe I do, I think it must be the come hither eyes and voice.😁😉

Cabbage and potato soup with smoked ribs.
Yum, yum.
I think she'd look quite good in a black negligee.

A little update on my irons.
Potential fwb went quiet for most of the weekend after spending all week sending loads of messages.
He did say he was seeing family but I'm a bit suspicious. Also he seems keen to meet again but less keen to fix a date.
So I think I've had enough.

Mr outsider. Hadn't had much contact with him. I know he is only looking for casual. I was thinking of cancelling but met him because I had nothing better to do.
And we hit it off straight away. Lots of chat, lots of laughs about anything and everything.
He would like to take me out to dinner later in the week. And back to his probably. But he did say he was very surprised by the great connection we had and would like to spend time getting to know me.

Finally, Mr selfie. Not my usual type. I was expecting to meet him and think nice but not for me.
He is lovely 🙂. Chatty, flirty but also a gentleman. He asked to see me again and we've already arranged a second date for this week.

NellyTheCake

great updates ! Love that you clicked with two

@NellyTheCake
Fantastic news! Really encouraging that the one you b didn't want to meet turned out to be so promising in RL!
A friend I was within Saturday day persuaded me to have lunch with her husband and his friend who they thought I would get on with. I was reluctant as had lots to do but be really hit it off! For on amazing well in a non flirtatious way -just really good conversation 4 ways. However.... he is still married although his wife had moved overseas to be with her family.
I think (they haven't said explicitly but through hints) my friends are convinced his marriage is over and I now think want us to get together. But no!!!!!!!!! One of the things that this thread has educated me in, is that any form of still married is a no-go.
I messaged my friend to thank her for a fantastic lunch and that yes would be great for us all to meet up again with his wife when she is back on the UK.