Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks
#1 is 10yrs younger than me and has just come out of a bad marriage. He also travels a lot with work.
He's said he would like exclusive fwb. I think it will be very casual dating which is ok with me just not what I was expecting from a Fab date.

With #2, I worry that he's so new to OLD that, no matter how well we get on, he'll want to check out all his options

He's said he would like exclusive fwb.

Isn't that just a relationship?

With #2, I worry that he's so new to OLD that, no matter how well we get on, he'll want to check out all his options

He'll only do that if he's not particularly into you... and if he's not particularly into you, he's not the one for you.

Nelly…you just need to date these people if you fancy them and they are what you are looking for more or less… then you can have a better idea
Very exciting!

NellyTheCake

wow like your stable of 🐎🐎🐎

either way positive and hope some sparks ⚡️

im visiting my iron tomorrow for ‘date’ 4

i can lie as yet the week I’ve had (more stressful than usual we can safely say ) an escape appeals

He's said he would like exclusive fwb.
Isn't that just a relationship?

Not always. Exclusive fwb can mean you just arrange to meet up as and when it suits. Go out, stay in. But have little or no contact between meets.

But in this case, he is making it more like a relationship by texting me a lot.

wow like your stable of 🐎🐎🐎
🤣Thanks. Never had one before.
It's exciting and a bit scary

Enjoy your 'date' 4 Thisisworsethananticpated

Worsy…have a lot of fun and fab sexy time 😈

With regards to accents, I’m originally from Norfolk and thankfully has lost the accent, when I go back I hate how people sound

I used to work with Swedish lady, she could make the shipping forecast sound sexy.

have worked all round the UK and don’t really like northern accents ( sorry), a clipped Home Counties accent does it for me every time…

I love accents too, sadly find myself copying them by accident though!

I just deleted Bumble, time for a break. I need a real life stint for a bit and a little more time for myself- it's definitely easy to be a bit much. Will keep you posted if I get anywhere with my 'wear a dress, go out feeling good IRL' approach. Think I was starting to feel bad with the OLD so this will help me. Interested but not desperate?

Anyone got any gossip?

Voice note man has disappeared.

Just re-read Thread Rule 6.

No matches. Bumble is the quietest it's been, perhaps because I am being stricter with my criteria.

Hope everyone has a great weekend lined up. The lighter evenings are so much lovelier!

Worsy, relish your evening of de-stress and fun.

Anyone have any other dates confirmed? Hoping they all go well for you x

Not always. Exclusive fwb can mean you just arrange to meet up as and when it suits. Go out, stay in. But have little or no contact between meets.

Not sure where the "F" bit of FWB features in that arrangement. Also, it sounds like a controlling set up: "I want to shag you regularly, but I'll invest nothing emotionally in you, but I nevertheless want you all to myself".

Sounds like he does wants a relationship is warning you from the outset that he's not one for commitment.

Lunch date this aft with Ms. Marbella.

Matches keep coming in on both Tinder and Bumble. An interesting one with a woman from Tallinn, whos over here visiting. Very bold and chatty.
I'm busy all next week so dating will be put on hold.
I had a very long conversation via text with the Russian woman about gender roles, expectations with finances, and paying for dates and life going forward.
Apparently, if the woman works too hard she won't have enough energy for her man. Plus other musings about the Western world.😂
Anyway, life going forward is date number two with her, no longer than a few days away. I'm not looking any further into the future than that.

gerbilcrocus

it’s interesting 🧐

I’m trying to figure out what I want whilst realising I most certainly don’t want or can’t have something more committed

i also don’t like leaving youngest with a babysitter too often , it’s expensive but also I feel bad !

I’m also really not ready to introduce a man into their life , they are a handful and it’s for me to manage them

but on some level I don’t want a partner yet
the very idea of sharing any domesticity with a man freaks me

but then I’m like why did I go so bat shit with the last FWB ? Emotions got involved innit

anyway , I guess what I’m saying is that whist FWB casual can be seen as wierd - it’s kind of what suits me right now

Harrypewter

i have a goal which I’m not totally proud of but it’s to date (shag !) as many nationalities as possible
I’ve done pretty well but there are some regions left for me

russian and Scandinavian are on my hit list !
and maybe a FSU country
and polish

” I want to shag you regularly, but I'll invest nothing emotionally in you, but I nevertheless want you all to myself".

this is my issue with FWB and the supposed exclusivity. I think if you are going to go for a proper FWB you need to not care who else they fuck and they will not know who else you fuck or not.

It’s a very difficult arrangement to sustain

I never wanted this…and if I go back into dating …I will want a proper partner with whom to live adventures, holidays, culture…and all the bad sides in life included. Good and bad. 100% emotional investment

I've done exclusive fwb before. It suited both of us at the time.
We went out for dinner, went to the cinema or just stayed in and watched tv.
Yes, there was a lot of sex as well but it wasn't just 'shag and go'.

And why assume it's the man who decides when he wants to meet? It's a mutual arrangement.

My potential exclusive fwb has explained his circumstances. What he's suggesting suits both of us atm.

I agree with Thisisworsethananticpated, I don't want to introduce anyone to my kids and I don't want to feel like I have to spend all my spare time with someone.
I had that in my last relationship which was partly why it ended.

Exclusive fwb is a type of relationship, if you need to put a label on it.

Nelly, thanks for clarification… I think I can understand your point 😊

PinkIdentity
I agree, fwb is a tricky one.

I'm still dealing with the aftermath of my relationship with Mr MindReader.
I thought we had a proper relationship with the adventures, holidays, plans to live together etc.
But he bailed when things got tough with my mum's illness and he couldn't understand why I wasn't spending all my spare time with him.

Atm I can't deal with someone needing that level of committment. I like my independance.

😂That's an interesting confession. My experience of international dating is, the sex experience is very much down to the actual person rather than culture.
I would say though some cultures are more forward than others.

Harrypewter

yes sex is sex
but I LOVE different cultures and ways

its something that’s always appealed to me

dont really know why

I know a lot of my friends were always saying, I wish I could date/have sex with a person from 'Insert country here', as you have.
However there's zero chance of me having sex with the Russian woman, she's going to want commitment.
I can only explain from my point of view as a man. There's certainly a difference in expression both verbally and in the bedroom between cultures. But I still feel it's mainly personable.

However there's zero chance of me having sex with the Russian woman, she's going to want commitment.
do you mean economic commitment? I saw you were discussing who pays what already.
I think no one can ask upfront for commitment until you have been dating for a long time and are completely sure about one another…and even then!… I don’t want to marry again and I think many divorced people think like I do

I've done exclusive fwb before. It suited both of us at the time. We went out for dinner, went to the cinema or just stayed in and watched tv .Yes, there was a lot of sex as well but it wasn't just 'shag and go'.

Fair enough. I'd call that a "casual relationship" rather than "exclusive FWB" (I hadn't even heard that used previously) but it's just terminology at the end of the day. Whatever you call it, as long as you are both on the same page and are happy with the arrangement, that's fine.

Someone who was truly committed would have understood that you needed to focus on your Mum.

It doesn't sound like he was actually committed at all if he couldn't accept this, just selfish and needy.

There's definitely a huge cultural chasm in how relationships and dating are carried out. My Ex is from a neighboring country to Russia, where chivalry is expected however paying for dates was usually split both ways.
At the moment I have less than £25 expended on two dates so I'm not fussed.
I do like her though. She's a breath of fresh air compared to the narc-controlling ex.
I do get the feeling if we sleep together she'll expect commitment. I'll cross that bridge if it arrives.