Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

gerbilcrocus

im impressed! I can’t handle so many as it literally fries my brain 🧠

how many chatting to and how many you like ?

Text from MrNoEffort last night , exact words 'casual fun?'

Not gonna lie, I'm tempted 🤦‍♀️

Fifthy…I don’t think it’s much to ask to have a full length body pic. You may not have legs and while that would be very sad he may be into going for long walks in the beach in his middle life free time. Please do not sabotage yourself and be ok with who you are. A pic in underwear is out of the question but a normal full length pic …I would also request this
Remember nice guys are not bothered by your size but how you carry yourself . That is also visible in a full length pic. You have nothing to hide and nothing to fret about. It’s always better to go to a date or to a video call thinking…right…this is me and I’m the person in the pics

😂😂😂😈

Gerbilcrocus…decide what you really are looking for and discount. You will see then that very few have what you deem important. The rest are noise in a way. Getting spread thin with dates can also be very frustrating and not allow you to see the front runner. However…if none of them screams front runner from the off…likely none of them are what you are looking for. They are numbers…nothing else and this is a numbers game as you say. I’d be worried none of them is my absolute favourite

Thanks Worsy and Mila. I'll take a few new full length shots, update my profile and once he send me his recent one, I'll send mine!

I've also matched with a very cute younger guy with a lovely warm smile, so let's see!

@PinkIdentity Your words have given me a great sense of relief. I strongly suspect that's what's been going on. I'm playing tough but am just very vulnerable. And thanks for @5thWisdom for confirming. It's also helpful to reflect that I will have given off my own red flags/ not serious vibes.

@gerbilcrocus It is a numbers game. I get to a point where I have enough conversations happening that I shut my profiles down. I then work through those irons - see where those conversations go/ meet people etc until it's manageable again or dwindling such that I can go back and start chatting with more people. I find it all a bit exhausting and often have a sense of relief when I pause profiles.

@5thWisdom It would make me feel a bit uncomfortable but I would consider putting one on your profile. I am tall and curvy size 12. I had a bad experience with one iron on a second/third date who made a lot of anti-fat comments and finally said I was too chubby for him. Personally, I prefer to weed out these people at the start.

@Harrypewter Lots of talking is great. Hope you get a great second date.

@qqq82 I'd be tempted. All along I have had a FWB type thing in the background. It''s fun and we treat each other with respect but I know there would be no bad feelings / tears for me if he met the right person.

I have a couple of dates lined up. Quite excited about one - the first date was fun, relaxed and very chatty. Now I think I have the headspace to actually enjoy and see what happens.

qqq82

if you can 10000% ensure that you won’t have any emotional hangovers or triggers whatsoever

so for example you see something new in his room…
a text pings….
a new technique or phrase….
new underwear

or you leave all orgasmic and oxytocin and feel sad the next morning

I’m sure there are others !

… and that it’s a guaranteed sessions that will exceed your sexual needs …..

then go for it 😬

I wouldn't be considering it if he wasn't the best I've ever had . 😂

That seems to be as concerning as it is tempting.

If he's the "best you've ever had", will you be able to keep it casual without getting burnt? I don't think I could. Go for it by all means, but do it with your eyes wide open and recognise you're playing with fire!

@gerbilcrocus I meant the sex not him as a person .

Oops…this is a serious matter now… my current Mr Ex is the best I’ve ever had by a mile…hence we were still seeing each other and DTD although we were “ not an item”… just be very careful. Great amazing sex implies massive connection and intimacy too…it’s not clear cut . Also I just think there is something unique when you do have amazing sex with a man. He’s probably also feeling the sex with you is out of this world and feeling exactly what you are feeling
…if you both become vulnerable or the masks go down… you may fall in love

no one is safe from “ falling in love” once a relation between 2 people who fancy each other madly start

Garysmum…I am a big advocate of wearing your heart on your sleeve when you really like someone. I know it makes you vulnerable but why is everybody so intent on being hard as nails??? Being soft and caring does not equate with being stupid

I'm normally good at thinking of things to do. But because she's Russian, I'm a bit stuck, meh. I feel like an activity would be better, but I don't want something noisy because we both like to talk. I drove to her city and now we're going to meet in the middle on Sunday.
Need some ideas.
We could have a country walk, and some food after... Dunno.

So hang on , does this mean I'm not actually getting notified of all the likes I get? Unless I pay? Might explain why it seems so quiet on there .

That's the same as Tinder and Bumble I believe. To see the likes, you need to pay.

If the guy says he doesn't want to rush into anything, what do you think that means?

a) He's got multiple irons and wants to keep a casual approach
b) He wants to spend time getting to know each other before maybe dtd, but he's keen to get there eventually
c) He's a casual serial dater and it won't go anywhere

Can you see I'm angsting already?!

@Bananapants2022
Who knows but I was about to tell my last iron the same thing before he dropped off the face of the planet
For me it's because I'm sick of being used/ led on/ dropped as soon they get sex

qqq82

correct
it’s how they make money 💰
same for all the apps

they don’t do it from the goodness of their hearts 🥰

I knew you had to pay for a lot of stuff but I didn't realise they withhold notifications if someone likes your profile
So how do they decide which likes you see and which you don't then ?

@qqq82 Sorry your guy disappeared! But you've shifted my thinking slightly with what you said. Maybe he doesn't want just a quick bang (ahem).

I've said this.
I quite like the dating aspect, sex is part of the process eventually.
So for me, the experience as a whole is important. So for that reason having jumped into bed 4 yrs ago and the whole scenario collapsing 3.5 yrs later due to affairs and controlling narc behavior.
I really do want to take it slow.

Yep, just like most services, the pricing is such that the “free” versions don’t have the 1 or 2 little extras that you want/ need until you purchase

All of the above, probably a bit more A, and his hedging his bets a bit , but B & C are just as likely, all paths will eventually end up with sex

Is sex all people are bothered about?

I'm quite looking forward to trips, holidays and other adventures.
Sex is just a by-product.