Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I think Match isn't what it was. I mean it used to have the reputation of being the serious dating site for people genuinely looking for a relationship. Now as mentioned on this thread, it's full of older guys (who's age preferences are usually set from 20 years younger than them to around their age. Or much younger guys looking for "an older woman" experience it seems! Then there's just some really obscure/odd men on there who obviously think a paid site will get them a date?

Hinge doesn't have enough people!

Facebook dating is meh and certainly doesn't stand out in any way. I haven't been on there for a while though but you get the impression people just scroll through boredom and don't actually put any effort for conversation.

Garysmum

i didn’t mean that he didn’t behave like a red flag waving twat ! As from your posts he did a bit
its not a blame game

more that sometimes people really trigger us more than we would care for xx

Garysmum, Mr Blocker’s behaviour will make you consider what is it you want. The fact is many of us have DTD with someone too early and then have felt uneasy and unhappy about it. Like a chink of our wholesomeness has been wasted.
I think you feel a mix of being ignored and used somehow but this is only in your head. He probably had a lovely time and that is it. He’s looking for something else with no offence to you. He feels he’s done nothing untoward. Hence not being fussed about friends etc being in the mix. I agree with Worsy…you need a change of scene. Don’t worry, this will pass and you will feel better

I've joined Bumble (again).

I'm going to try a different approach and let my guard down a bit to see if it attracts a better quality of man (ha!).

I've been open about actually wanting a relationship. I've also been explicit about wanting something meaningful. Used key words like kind in my profile as to what I'm looking for in someone. I know this may sound basic but it's a different approach for me.

Really want something to come of this, this time. Last Winter was a total disaster.

Oh and I'm actually slowing down to take my time to study profiles, read them and look carefully at the photos.

I think I have a tendency just to swipe, swipe, swipe frenetically with a sense of panic.

So just opening the app and taking my time to read the profiles carefully instead of rushing to get to bottom of pack.

5thWisdom

mindful dating
me like !

Well done Fifthy. You have a clear idea you want something meaningful and no less with a nice man. It’s great you are clear of what you want. We are all rooting for you. Patience and date all you need. And don’t worry

@PinkIdentity i think you’ve nailed the situation. I expect lots of us give off red flags when we don’t mean to any way. The one time I behave uncharacteristically insecure is with the only man I’ve genuinely liked in 3 years! Whoops!

There are so many things I want to do for me - to have a wonderful life on my own but I’m a year off a final divorce payment (5 years in the making), so being trapped doesn’t help much. I’ve made the most of everything I can.

We all deserve some luck and happiness in life.

Garysmum

I wonder what my red flags are ? I must surely have some ?!?
I drink and have been known to have a puff
im a single mum with limited free time
I’m very anxious and have jealous tendencies
im a bit ND

in other news my iron sent me a text so transactional about the next meet up I’m simply not replying
he’s a nice man in person (he really is !) but it was so :
xx time and leave xx time

it’s like I’m a hooker except I’m actually paying for a babysitter
nope 👎
I’ll have to breach that somehow

Im the same. I find it a bit overwhelming being presented with all of these men! I’m actually incognito or snoozing on the apps atm. It’s tough!

Joined Bumble last Sat, plenty of matches, and whittled it down to 5.
Chatted with a woman consistently for a week, via the app then Whats app, we're going to meet Saturday. She's very open.
I matched with a Russian woman last night at 9 pm and arranged a date (Asked her in Russian) within an hr, meeting tomorrow night. Quite excited about this person. She's very closed, and mysterious.
Joined Tinder yesterday again plenty of matches, whittled the group down to 12. Exchanged pleasantries with a few. Carried on an extensive chat with a local Czech woman. Meeting her on Wednesday.

I think that's enough for a week.

Garysmum…first of all my super hug and empathy regarding divorce. Been there and it’s hard work. I think perhaps Mr Blocker thought you were not that interested ( you were dating other people I can recall ) and perhaps he did not take you so seriously for a relationship as you might have wanted. A lot of the red flags we have come of us feeling INSECURE or having our self esteem low at that time. I think after divorce we are all more fragile than we dare to admit and we overcompensate somehow by being tough. I might be wrong and please excuse me if I am. But I have been there and have noticed many of us have these issues

Looks very exciting…I hope you find what you are looking for too! 😊

Hi, I’ve been separated over 6 months long marriage joined old apps about 3 weeks ago, lots of messages but then a lot don’t reply just go cold? Doesn’t bother me really just unmatch and move on.
Had a first and second (slept over) date last weekend, not heard anything for a day off hil
bow tho? So I guess that’s that? I knew what I was doing and I knew this was a possibility. My skin can’t get any thicker with the stuff I’ve been through with my STEXH 😂

I think you're spot on here Mila x

Nelly10…give yourself time and self love. 6 months is very recent. You can date casually and see how you feel safely. If you want a meaning relationship you can decide when and how too. You are free to do what you feel and get stronger. Best wishes lovely

Thank you.

I'm going to take it really slow this time. The dates are exciting, but no one really knows what is going to happen it might just be a pleasant evening.
Who knows.
Apparently, my girls have written Daddy a list of requirements for my next girlfriend. I suppose I need to pay attention.

Harry…your girls RULE… I would pay extra attention to what they think 🤔

Ok, I realise this might appear to be a stealth boast, but over the past few weeks I've been diligently applying myself to OLD, and realising it's a numbers game, invested in numerous online conversations and had various dates on the basis that all too often, conversations go dead abruptly and dates turn out to be disappointing...

However, I've now got myself in the opposite problem... Any idea on how to juggle multiple irons, all at different stages?.... whilst being fair to each one, and navigating all this, and coming through this with the most suitable one for me (which I accept might end up being none of them)

This is not a stealth boast. This is how to do OLD.

You may need a spreadsheet and a project plan. In all seriousness, prioritise. A rating system. Anything to track and whittle them down so you keep track and actually focus on the meaningful ones that could actually lead somewhere. You need a system!

I really struggle with spreading the risk like this as I tend to latch on to one at a time. But it's the way to do it.

So I've matched with one bloke on Bumble so far.

We're chatting. We did match previously when I was on Bumble in Jan but he was much more closed off. He's much more interested this time. Who knows why.

He's suggested a date this weekend. Nothing confirmed yet.

He asked to move over to WA and has now asked for a full body pic. I told him (in my typical way) that I don't do mirror underwear pics. This is in no way a judgement of girls with beautiful bodies who do. I just don't. He said he wasn't after a photo like that.

Views? Is this a reasonable request ahead of meeting to ensure a physical attraction or a creepy move?

I've fobbed him off and told him we can exchange up to date photos tomorrow. His profile says he's into fitness. I'm very short and petite but not willing to expose my body to a stranger.

Mila I know we discussed full body pics before and understand why people would want to see them but it still feels like a superficial ask like I'm a piece of meat.

Chat has gone quiet from him now.

Well arrived back home from my rather pleasant 1st date. We didn't stop talking for the whole 3 hrs despite the fact she's Russian and I'm English.
Anyhow I asked her for 2nd date and she said yes.
The Czech woman has canceled.

@gerbilcrocus you are doing it right! This is what I should be doing but I've gone and got all smitten with one person and put the others on the back burner. I think you you should just keep meeting them and it will be become clear overtime who is for you. I agree that some sort of system might be good. I use Notes app myself! Good luck

Thanks... And all the more complicated by an ex who's got back in touch who I part ways with amicably a while back 😯

5thWisdom

it’s a reasonable request BUT maybe better to have one on profile to remove this risk moving forward ? Then again I don’t

I guess he’s been on a few dates they have been a bit more rotund than his taste ? I know I have !

but it’s weird as you’ll send and then wait for his stamp of approval !?
I’d not like either