Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Good luck new OLD ladies

im wry to give advice like I’m some expert
but I’d say ….
very good photos recent too

get yourself in good nick , hair , grooming etc so you feel confident and at your best

honest profile keep it snappy and avoid any cliches

dont get carried away , after such a long time single is easy to get smitten with the first nice person to message

there is no scarcity

best to get to know someone face to face rather than messages

keep first dates SHORT until you have your wits about you in terms of screening - and even after 😂

I definitely think Tinder is rigged or something. I paid a 12 month subscription and wasn’t getting any likes. I reloaded the app and still the same (apart from the ones I had in London a couple of weeks ago). Anyway, I decided to open a new account (a free one) with a spare phone. 66 likes in the last half hour. Not sure what the heck is wrong with my main account but feel I have handed over money for nothing! It doesn’t make any sense. Annoying thing is, I can’t see these 66 likes!

Anyone else found this with Tinder?

there is no scarcity

This should be a rule!
Not in the sense that you should treat everyone as disposable. but I believe that scarcity mindset - I'll never find anyone as I'm middle aged/have children/insert anyother so I'll tolerate this low value behaviour, breadcrumb communications, ghosters who pop up after months, etc

Ahhh see this so the thing, I don't even know what to write about myself on the profile 🙈
When you say short and sweet... how much is too much? 🙈

there is no scarcity

yikes 😳

very good photos recent too

i know men get slated for this, but don’t use good quality studio photos just because they make you look good, have been on the end of this twice now, it has to look like yourself

honest profile keep it snappy and avoid any cliches

Especially "looking for my partner in crime".

I know it's meant to be fun and witty, but however good the rest of a profile is, this has almost the same effect as someone writing "btw, I'm a also a crazy sociopathic narcissist"

NoDatingForOldMen

by that I mean people dip in and out
and people have flings , freeze profiles , then it ends , go back

every time I go online I usually meet at least one decent person per app

your next Mrs Date might not go back on ‘match’ until May

I have just deleted Match again after a few days- it's been a bit of a shit show! I have been asked if I am busty, open-minded, realised someone had gone to jail after some due diligence googling, far too many q's about my kids from one guy, plenty of men in their 20s (I am late 40s) and the odd decent chat but not someone I fancied. Match seems pretty rubbish tbh. I have had more luck with Bumble but actually best of all IRL... But nothing on the cards at the moment and sometimes get lonely for someone for me. Kids and work keep me busy but I'm not dead yet! Can't decide whether to ditch Bumble again entirely as had a couple of weird encounters locally where I was sure I had been recognised. It's a small community, I have kids in local schools and teach in one. Really would like to meet someone lovely though... :(

My barometer is would my oldest friends (and kids!) like them, have seen lots of them over the Easter holidays and it has reminded me what I want and need.

I follow the thread most days but don't really contribute, thank you all for keeping me going!

I deleted Tinder again after a matter of days. It's just so depressing. Urff.

I may try Bumble again over next few days. I think my mindset is all wrong. Or maybe I don't have the patience. It just feels so difficult and daunting, instead of fun.

5thWisdom

tinder is brutal AF
I will probably sound a bit snobby but it was the roughest and most sex focussed app
even FEELD had nicer men

In other news my irons been in touch
he’s nice but def FWB
so I need to do some thinking 🤔 early if this is what I need and want

I didn't last long on tinder
I still think Hinge in my preferred platform but it's so quiet in there
I'm not sure if I should give it another go though and download it again

Tinder- had some nice matches and dates. I've come across some who are sex obsessed but start off pretending they want a relationship

Bumble-nothing. Very, very few matches who never reply. Doesn't seem to be popular where I am.

Pof-lots of sex obsessed men, who take offence if you don't like it.

Fab-all about sex but at least people are honest about what they want.

I had a Fab date a few days ago, just a evening drink. He seemed nice, friendly and respectful. But now he's messaging me all the time.
His definition of casual fwb seems to be different to mine. It's starting to feel like we're in a relationship and we've only met once 😬

@Bigskystargazer …I’m not surprised about Match. I had it for a few weeks and had to delete as it was dismal. Bumble was a better app I found.
Fifthy.. tried Tinder too and lasted less than one day. Deleted . It’s just awful I thought.
I don know about Feeld but would be too scared only fuck buddies there perhaps??
Hinge was nice too in my opinion

In other news my irons been in touch
he’s nice but def FWB
so I need to do some thinking 🤔 early if this is what I need and want
Only you know Worsy. The key is whether you feel happy about a fuck buddy arrangement and are happy to spend months or a year without feeling really loved or supported when you need it

Hiya, has anyone cancelled a first date because they just had a "feeling" and weren't sure? I'm doubting myself now whether I did the right thing?

It was this guy on match who I was speaking to via messages for a week. On Thursday, we agreed to meet up. He was available on Sunday, so I suggested a walk in a popular nature reserve type place as i'm rubbish at thinking of places. Although I'd suggested it, i did raise an eyebrow when he messaged back in glee that "great, that's super easy and convenient for me" as he lives close to it. Great, I thought, don't offer to travel closer to me then... (I may have over though that though)

Anyway, we were upfront about our kids' ages, mine are teens and school days are nearly finished and his were 7 and 9. I did initially think a bit young as that age phase is done for me, and now I'm career/hobby focused. But it niggled me more and more, especially when he spoke of school runs and childcare. He was 49, too, so he would be pushing 60 by the time they leave school, whereas I'm late 30s now any nearly done.

I don't arrange dates often and he had his shit together (own home/car/job) but the young kids thing was niggling me. So last night, I messaged to cancel and just said in hindsight I don't want to get involved with someone who has young kids but wished him well. He replied annoyed and said this was the second time someone has stood him up last minute (it was hardly last minute and it's not like there was a big, lavish date planned that he'd made an effort to arrange!) He also said he's "not looking for a mother for his kids as they already have an amazing one". He also said things like "I'm just annoyed. I've wasted a week talking to the wrong girl..." I just replied,"I'm a woman, not a girl." Then I blocked him, but now I'm thinking maybe I was too quick to write him off because of his younger kids? Can't do much about now but I just had a feeling?

Lovely Mr Ex sent message on Friday ( we had spoken video on Thursday) telling me it’s really carnage at work on top of everything else. He was feeling quite low. Haven’t heard from him yesterday although he’s read my messages. Nothing today either so he’s really in total cave mood. I’m leaving him to it. I will be totally kid free for a week starting next Friday…so I will see how bad it is then. I know he feels bad when I see him too low. Patience 🙄🙏

@PickoftheMix …the way a guy reacts to having a date cancelled even with explanation and reason like in your case tells a lot about him. Had he been nice and understanding, you would consider a date to get to know him. He behaved the way he is and your gut instinct is always right.
I have grown teens …it would be difficult with someone with little kids for me too. But I’d rather go out with someone with little kids than no kids at all

Nelly…do you like the FWB for more than just that? He seems to be quite keen on you

Does anyone else find with Match that they are swiping left on the same people? As in the people reappear the next day as they aren't deleted even though you pressed no.

Thanks. Yeah, my gut was telling me something! If he'd been my age I think I might have at least given it a chance, because younger kids aren't that bad, but he would be pushing 60 by the time his kids are even leaving school. I thought it was refreshing that he said he had a good relationship with his ex and didn't have any "crazy ex" woes, but now I'm thinking based on his "you're the second one to stand me up..." line perhaps shows there was some resentment there hidden well until it doesn't go his way. Could be wrong of course.

Yeah, they do re-appear. I think Tinder is the same. It’s annoying.

PickoftheMix
I'm seeing the same men over and over on Match. And I keep getting likes from the same men.
Very annoying.

PinkIdentity
I don't know about the fwb. It has surprised me how keen he seems to be.
I can't say I'm as keen. I need to meet him again and see how I feel.

I've cancelled my subscription and won't renew when it's finished. I'm just sick of swiping left on the same people!

Has anyone tried eHarmony?

I keep getting likes from the same men too. You’d think they’d have realised that I’m not interested by now. OLD is awful.