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Original poster

Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

1000 replies

qqq82 · 29/03/2023 07:57

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
5thWisdom · 13/04/2023 19:16

PinkIdentity · 13/04/2023 16:53

How are you Fifthy?

I'm ok. Getting really fed up of being single now and wish I didn't feel that way. Been travelling recently and surrounded by happy couples in airports and on journeys has made me realise I want my own partner to share stuff with. Urff.

I'm really glad you stayed on the threads. I read back and didn't enjoy reading some posts on how you were treated x

VanillaSox · 13/04/2023 19:36

@5thWisdom totally understand what you mean about the happy couples -see them all the time on the sunshine here today except... most of them really aren't and have all sorts of complications.
Complete strangers come up to me and MrWozFunnest in pubs and on the tube (!) and ask us the secret of our great relationship (yes really !!!!) /if only they knew it really isn't,like all you loveliest guys do🤣

PinkIdentity · 13/04/2023 20:20

Bananapants2022 · 13/04/2023 19:09

Question: date from last week has been really good about messaging. It's going to be quite a while until we are both free at the same time. Would it be cringe if I let him know I'm keen by saying I'd like to know him better? Or would that be giving the game away?

There should be no game. Be yourself. I would tell him that if it was me

PinkIdentity · 13/04/2023 20:31

Thanks Fifthy…I understand your thoughts but agree with Vanilla…it’s not always lovely. When Mr Ex and I are out and about we also get these sympathetic vibes because we seem very in love… and you guys now how difficult my relationship is and how unwell with MH issues he is.
I don’t feel happy most of the time and I am honest saying it here. The only thing I know is that I really don’t want to date anyone else right now 😳
Be patient and get back to dating or doing nice things with people you have things in common with. It’s great taking a break and it’s great getting back to apps when you feel ready

5thWisdom · 13/04/2023 21:18

It's navigating the balance between your own happiness with sharing and compromising your needs with someone else.

It's hard to be happy when you know your partner is going through a hard time though. It's getting through the tough times that will build and strengthen or take you in different directions. Time will always tell.

I'm not sure I'm ready, I just know that I miss the intimacy and connection with having that close bond with a partner. I can manage and do everything alone, and am terrified of being taken advantage of again, so walls are definitely up but I'm wide awake to the red flags these days so grateful for the lessons learnt.

I just hope my cynicism doesn't sabotage any genuine prospects if they ever do come along.

NellyTheCake · 14/04/2023 07:24

"Good morning Nelly. May I say how lovely your profile is. You are stunning and so feminine too. Do you work?"

Is it just me, or does anyone else get annoyed when opening messages just focus on your appearance?

This is message from a 52yr old on Match sent this morning. My profile has a number of things he could mention. And it shows my job.

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 07:28

Definitely if he asked if you work -forget him!!!! Clearly has only looked at the pic and not the words.

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 07:30

5thWisdom · 13/04/2023 21:18

It's navigating the balance between your own happiness with sharing and compromising your needs with someone else.

It's hard to be happy when you know your partner is going through a hard time though. It's getting through the tough times that will build and strengthen or take you in different directions. Time will always tell.

I'm not sure I'm ready, I just know that I miss the intimacy and connection with having that close bond with a partner. I can manage and do everything alone, and am terrified of being taken advantage of again, so walls are definitely up but I'm wide awake to the red flags these days so grateful for the lessons learnt.

I just hope my cynicism doesn't sabotage any genuine prospects if they ever do come along.

This!!!

And
I don’t feel happy most of the time and I am honest saying it here. The only thing I know is that I really don’t want to date anyone else right now 😳

This too

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 07:31

(sorry second part should be credited to @PinkIdentity) 😄

NoDatingForOldMen · 14/04/2023 07:33

NellyTheCake · 14/04/2023 07:24

"Good morning Nelly. May I say how lovely your profile is. You are stunning and so feminine too. Do you work?"

Is it just me, or does anyone else get annoyed when opening messages just focus on your appearance?

This is message from a 52yr old on Match sent this morning. My profile has a number of things he could mention. And it shows my job.

Without sounding to be rude ( obviously being a female forum)

but that is more effort than most women used to put in, the (few) messages I used to be something like “Hi, how are you”

the message is from a guy who is just casting around, ignore it.

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 07:39

It is SOOOOO comforting to be able to be completely honest on here /especially as not appropriate to open up too RL friends who knows the other person! I am lucky enough to be spending a lot of time doing interesting things with various friends (am a teacher so is the Easter hols) but MrWozFunnest is on my mind's all the time and they know I am seeing him as they have met him but none of them know about his silences -because they have been aware of us being 'together' for nearly 2 years and that he travels a lot they don't ask about him -or if they do I can just say 'oh he's away again' so it's better than the really days of s relationship when friends are agog for news.
I have one really good friend who knows everything but lives in another city so don't want to bore on endlesslybto here.

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 07:40

Aaaargh sorry for typos ☹️

NellyTheCake · 14/04/2023 07:59

NoDatingForOldMen
tbh I'd prefer a simple "how are you"

He sounds like someone who has no idea how to talk to a woman.

I've ignored it.
It just irritated me, esp after being asked about sex on the 1st date. And I have the stockings question again 🙄

ANOTHERnewstart · 14/04/2023 08:06

@5thWisdom & @NellyTheCake good to know you’re a newbie (ish) to all this.
I was on the sites years ago so it’s a shock to the system!
However I’m not sure if I’m lucky or what’s going on. Matched with 3..(I didn’t swipe many as didn’t want lots of convos going on!)
Man 1 I knew from yrs back chatting..he’s just removed himself as I said I knew we wouldn’t work
Man 2 & 3 both v nice, funny, witty, being complete gentlemen..no direct innuendoes and if they have ‘tested’ they’ve acknowledged..is that a good thing?!
Been chatting a week..One wants a date..one hasn’t asked yet..we shall see!

NoDatingForOldMen · 14/04/2023 10:47

@NellyTheCake I think men on old certainly can fall into that “send enough messages and one will stick” mindset & I have been guilty of that for sure, but I think it can also make women a bit lazy and I’ve seen that on this forum with posters saying they are not getting any messages, sometimes makes me wonder if just sit there and expect men to all the openings

when I matched with no show, she didn’t send me anything- I had to send the opening message ( which was based on one of pics, I knew exactly where it was taken so just used that as the opening message), and she responded really quickly, but it did used to frustrate me a bit that (some), still kinda just sit there and wait

NellyTheCake · 14/04/2023 12:14

NoDatingForOldMen
It's so frustrating, isn't it. But I don't know what the answer is, other than to somehow make people reply to messages.
Or limit matches until you delete or reply.

There are loads of men's profiles that say 'why does no one message'. So I think it's a common problem.

I've got no problem sending the first message or asking for a date. But I think I'm a little unusual.

The message this morning irritated me because of the language used. 'So feminine' and 'do you work'.
Tells me a lot about the type of man he is.

VanillaSox · 14/04/2023 12:23

He’s an old buffer.
Well dodged!

5thWisdom · 14/04/2023 12:26

NellyTheCake · 14/04/2023 12:14

NoDatingForOldMen
It's so frustrating, isn't it. But I don't know what the answer is, other than to somehow make people reply to messages.
Or limit matches until you delete or reply.

There are loads of men's profiles that say 'why does no one message'. So I think it's a common problem.

I've got no problem sending the first message or asking for a date. But I think I'm a little unusual.

The message this morning irritated me because of the language used. 'So feminine' and 'do you work'.
Tells me a lot about the type of man he is.

"Do you work?!"

Bwah haha. Where do you start with that?!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/04/2023 13:17

I don’t feel happy most of the time and I am honest saying it here. The only thing I know is that I really don’t want to date anyone else right now

vanilla and mila (not sure why I’m in bold !)
I’m not happy you feel that way - but im so pleased you can be honest about it with yourselves and that you can be honest here

this time last year I was in the city I’m in and I was with Balkan then and he’d caved (no shit😂) and I was so sad 😞

and I’m in such a better place now

ok I’m wondering why new•not yet- named iron hasn’t texted me - but I’m also aware he might just be very busy

anyway life will go on whatever happens

5thWisdom · 14/04/2023 14:04

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/04/2023 13:17

I don’t feel happy most of the time and I am honest saying it here. The only thing I know is that I really don’t want to date anyone else right now

vanilla and mila (not sure why I’m in bold !)
I’m not happy you feel that way - but im so pleased you can be honest about it with yourselves and that you can be honest here

this time last year I was in the city I’m in and I was with Balkan then and he’d caved (no shit😂) and I was so sad 😞

and I’m in such a better place now

ok I’m wondering why new•not yet- named iron hasn’t texted me - but I’m also aware he might just be very busy

anyway life will go on whatever happens

How long as it been Worsy? Have you been left on read? How did your last messages read/flow?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/04/2023 14:21

5thWisdom

oh it’s only a couple of days
and he’s not NOT a texter

but I’d for some reason he stops messaging me
id be OK
mildly annoyed yes

5thWisdom · 14/04/2023 15:13

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/04/2023 14:21

5thWisdom

oh it’s only a couple of days
and he’s not NOT a texter

but I’d for some reason he stops messaging me
id be OK
mildly annoyed yes

OK, sounds sensible. I read back and sounds like you had some straightforward fun earlier in the week - and you've got your feet on the ground about this one.

Did you meet online and are you actively back swiping?

PinkIdentity · 14/04/2023 15:14

Thank you Worsy…I will say this though…I love my life and I’m chilled. And I will also say the moments of pure unadulterated happiness I live…are mostly when I’m with him. So it works although not most of the time!! . I can’t even consider leaving him right now when he’s in such a difficult situation…but I’m giving myself month end to reassess. And every end of the month I reassess. I do not have long term plans at all. I have a good social life I dip in and out of as I see fit too. I don’t want obligations…I have teens pre uni at home and that is quite a lot to handle. I don’t want to be intimate with anyone else but him. That might change though…I don’t know what the future holds

PinkIdentity · 14/04/2023 15:18

Worsy…the rules…he’s a FWB…he may be seeing other people too. You are not exclusive. You may discuss in time what you expect from him though and agree… I’m enjoying reading your posts and not seeing you beating yourself up and suffering

Esmejane81 · 14/04/2023 16:59

Is it ok if I join this chat?

Recently single after 9 years of marriage and prior to that was in another long relationship … thinking about dating - but a bit daunted by the whole OLD thing …

Interested to know how people are finding it?

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