Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh, and he said the 35 miles between us was a bit much!!!

@NoDatingForOldMen
She’s getting back in touch as her 1st choice is out of the picture. Look after yourself and say no thanks!

@TeaandLemonDrizzle

That sucks
I don't know whether mine has gone quiet or not but I'm guessing he probably has
But then it was me who didn't reply to his last message as got sick of waiting for him to make a move

It all feels like some complicated messed up game that I don't know the rules to .

@TeaandLemonDrizzle
It also seems extra shit when you're not sure of them at first and only when you think maybe you could be starting to like them that they go and drop you

oh goodness. I've been there and that stings like hell. Like I have made an effort since he consistently pursues, then breadcrumbs.

Anyone who said 35miles is too much is looking for an excuse I'm sorry.
This one just isn't that into you.

Thanks,
the 35 mile thing is just a BS excuse really

as for the DTD comment, I’m 53 and let’s just say I know I’m not 23 anymore 🤷🏼, hopefully the next person will make allowances for that as it’s a very difficult issue to admit to & tell someone it’s not them ( if you see what I mean)

I was a bit miffed! I’d wasted a good 2-3 months on this guy. He seemed really nice too!

I know men can have problems over 50 but I really wouldn’t have made a big deal of it. I liked him. I would’ve definitely slowed down the next time. I should’ve just met him in the lobby!!

@TeaandLemonDrizzle yeah I wasted 4 month each on MrNoEffort and the prick from work .
Luckily haven't wasted much time on this new one but still the rejection makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me . He seemed so keen when we met and afterwards . I know I haven't done anything wrong so I can only presume he's found someone better .

Over analysing drives us mad and serves little purpose. Move on and don’t beat yourself up. It’s not you…it’s him.

@qqq82 please don't think there is anything wrong with you or he has found someone "better." If there is someone else, they aren't better, just a better match for him. Just because this person isn't in to you does not in anyway mean there is anything wrong with you. Now if only I could take my own advice 😀

The other explanation is that lots of people on the apps are not serious at all about relationships, they’re just playing at it. I encountered plenty of these. They’re either losers who sit around in their pants all day, pretending to have a life, or they’re misogynists/misandrists who actively enjoy leading people on. Whichever way you look at it, they’re no loss.

lots of people on the apps are not serious at all about relationships, they’re just playing at it.

100% agree with this! Nearly every date I've had recently has said they're only after something casual despite their profile saying 'looking for a relationship'

Or they start a chat but put no effort into it. Don't ask anything about me, just talk about themselves and occasionally drop in a comment that I look gorgeous/pretty/fun/any random bit of flattery.

I'm convinced most men (and probably women) on the apps don't actually do any dating. They just chat, get bored then move on to the next one.

Agree! He’s a twat!

qqq82

something ending or fizzling out always smarts
but also be careful you don’t make up negative stories and have them as ‘truth’

you sound quite low and the prescription is always the same

freeze profiles effective NOW
get your mojo back , exercise , a haircut, shopping , see friends , decluttering
whatever it takes for you

but we’ve all been there and got the t shirt

@qqq82 interesting point about there potentially being lots of super stunning women out there taking all the good ones. I actually have two friends who are generally considered stunning and successful and both have been ghosted by much less appealing blokes. I think the issue is choice. Even these average blokes, once they know they can get Miss X, they then think they can get better. Whereas a woman tends to be much more self aware and knows when she has someone decent. Apologies @NoDatingForOldMen for generalising there

@LostidentityM I can’t really comment, but as a average bloke I would say that super stunning woman are not interested in me 🤷🏼,
but saying that I’m rural not Metropolitan so it’s more farmers wives and horsey type than super stunning models ( no offence to anyone with a horse or who arevfarmers wives).

I do sometimes get the feeling that women see me as “safe and boring “ not exciting and sexy, maybe that’s why a woman is seeing me as the backup plan, Mr 5/10.

@NoDatingForOldMen I meant stunning more in the sense beautiful faces, figures but also pretty down to earth yet with good jobs. I was trying to make the point that everyone can get ghosted/not be treated well with online dating.

You are having a crisis of confidence right now. Safe and 'boring' isn't even a turn off, well safe isn't! Those who chase excitement remain on this thread for ages, the ones who seem to have success, have found someone kind and down to earth.

You seem to do rather well in terms of conversations and dating. Don't let this one woman define you/break your confidence. It potentially just wasn't meant to be with her, there are plenty more fish out there.

Those who chase excitement remain on this thread for ages

ahem ! Coming up to 2 years now 😂🥴

NoDatingForOldMen
we all get bad feelings about ourselves from dating
I’ve called myself some not nice names

what did you decide about miss ‘I was in hospital ‘?

I could do with some safe and boring! After the roller coaster that was MrFunnest who served the purpose of helping me get out and over my very toxic marriage and mostly want reliable next time.

@Thisisworsethananticpated ooops not you specifically. But I've seen lots on the threads through the years chasing this thrill only to get ghosted/played later on. I think dependable is a great trait. A friend recently got married and I distinctly remember her first dating him. She had done years of online dating. I asked her at the time why she liked him, and she said because he texts her when he says, he makes plans and is genuinely interested. Prior to this she had a very arty boyfriend who was very dramatic plus had no stable background ie floating around a lot. Her husband now suits her so well.

LostidentityM
hey it’s ok ! I’m old enough and ugly enough to be more self aware about this malarkey now
I know that i did get a perverse thrill from the rollercoaster with the last one

the new one well it’s too early to say …

I suppose I've been knocking around here on and off for 4 years 😱😄

Looks like tomorrow is still on. Woke to a message asking what I'm doing today and saying he was excited to be seeing me again tomorrow. So @Thisisworsethananticpated maybe you were right but I always think that if I match with what appears to be a normal, decent looking, solvent type then, given how much dross there is on apps, they will have loads of interest 🤷‍♀️😄

Slothmomma

you see I think that as I’m decent looking , good company and solvent I’m also a rarity

as the thread rules say ‘know your worth ‘

I’m pleased to hear this . I think men often go quiet and I’ve also leapt to ‘he’s at an orgy . With 20 buxom nymphs ‘
hes not

he’s tired after a shitty day , his back aches , hes argued with his ex /mum /tenant