Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@qqq82 …I’m glad you feel a bit better. We all have moments like that and we tend to regret them but the reality is that this was not a nice man and he fucked with your head and feelings. Time to forget him and give yourself a pat in the back
Worsy…I am not surprised at all…on the back of breaking up with Mr Ex, I was terrified of finding him in any app…I’m not stupid and I know he dated quite a few women too in those months but I also know we were meeting and having lovely times and being intimate at times too ( when I wanted…he was always wary of us being hurt). I would have spied and ogled him if I had flung him in app too. It doesn’t make me feel great but I’m just like you and many of us are too.
I am a great believer of owning our super cringe moments and not beat ourselves for past mistakes

Spring is here…Let’s move forward 😍

Thank you @LostidentityM 😊 Definitely not made up from my side. I discussed it in messages with the other person for a while, but then couldn't face talking about it on here anymore, as it had all got a bit nasty. I had to walk away from it and stop reading through her messages too, so I deleted my account and left MN for a while.

humblemeep

i totally thought that someone weird had been reading your messages here and decided to create a profile and fuck with your mind

turns out that it was the ex who behaved badly rather than a stranger online

it was so strange , but sadly life is

PinkIdentity

yes the consolation of this board is realising that whilst I’ve made mistakes I’m certainly not alone

I’m also complete now

but i fucking hate him now and understand why his ex hates him !!!

but this hate and anger will pass I know that

How are things your end ? Sounds like Mr Ex is in a pretty bad way ? It’s a shame that the therapy has clearly opened a lot of bad wounds ?

I have effectively ended things with mr blocker. I decided it was really affecting me, so I responded to a text with a kind of just tell me if you don’t want to see me again. Yes it comes across as insecure but to me closure is better. I have been ghosted too many times recently with by people I’ve been seeing for months. No response - I think that says everything.
it’s very difficult as it’s a small world and our friends are friends. I pass his house several times a week. It’s all painful. I didn’t have strong feelings either so not sure why i feel like this.

I'll never know who it was, or what was going on, there was no way of proving anything.

🥰 Sadly MN is like that at times. I think it's great that most of the time on this thread we're all understanding and non judgemental. For me the whole thing got very messy and there was no solution.

@humblemeep glad to read that you are back dating. Your last situation was horrible and must have really shaken your trust in people. Did the man involved ever address what he had been doing?
@Thisisworsethananticpated I really hope that you can get to a place with Balkan where he doesn’t keep drawing you back in. You’re always so supportive of others on here and offer really positive advice. Time to be kind to yourself and kick ass with your own needs now.

No he didn't 😣

@Bananapants2022 I'd say it's at least worth another date to see if you fancy him.

@Zanatdy I've never paid anything for a dating app. Just firm up your filters

@Thisisworsethananticpated good luck with date 3

@Garysmum hope you're doing ok 🤗

Well I had an interesting day yesterday and spent all of yesterday afternoon out drinking with an old iron and then the rest of evening with another 🤦‍♀️😄

I did a probably stupid thing but was at a loose end and the sun was out and I was kid free .... so I messaged mr city to see if he was around for a catch up - just as friends - and spent a lovely afternoon sat on his sun terrace again listening to music, having drinks and getting burnt 🤦‍♀️😄 we get on so well it was lovely and we behaved, mostly, with just a goodbye snog when I was leaving to get my train.

Anyway, I was then at station and had a thought that Mr music might be out so messaged him and low and behold he was in city too and said to come and join him - so I did 🤦‍♀️😄 then carried on drinking with him for another 6 hours including him taking me to one of his favourite places to eat which I'd never tried before. Again, we get on really well and we're mostly well behaved, with few kisses over course of night and a goodbye snog 😄

When finally on way home Thursday nights date decided to text me to tell how much he'd enjoyed our date and how attractive he'd found me so I'm assuming he will be up for another meet 🙂

Stepcount

thanks 😊
I think if I even went near that person again my friends would hang draw and quarter me !!!

Slothmomma
well done ✔️ sounds like a fun day and no one got hurt
and well done for not shagging city and for seeing others
now a break maybe for a day 😂

Garysmum

im sorry . That said the mix of really liking him and his fairly flexible views on monogamy would probably have caused havoc

it’s done , and be ready for him to pop up again

Spoke too soon. It’s over. At least he had the decency to say so.
I am utterly defeated with it all. I know I came across as overwhelmed at times and insecure but that only happens when I like someone. Again I ruin it for me.
3years of dating and it always goes wrong. And I’m the only one who gets hurt. I treat other people with respect and don’t ghost, lead on etc.
Im sticking to dating people I don’t actually like from now on.

@Garysmum I feel like this about myself too
What did he say ?

@qqq82 that I come across as inconsistent which confuses him (and it’s done).
It’s not unreasonable as a comment.
Im a relaxed happy and confident person but when I perceive inconsistencies in others - for example talking about the future/ making plans one minute and then they don’t text me for a while/ have girls calling a lot on the dates, then I start to go quiet. I don’t trust people immediately, that builds. And inconsistencies make me insecure.

thank you Worsy…he’s really struggling as this therapy is really hard but he signed for it. He goes into cave and disconnects phone. Sends me message so I know he’s alive and well and telephone off again.
I will be 1 whole week soon with no kids so I will be seeing quite a bit of him. I’m going on a week to week basis and so far… I don’t want any other guy and we love each other deeply…that does not mean I’m all in this second time around. I’m happy 😊 most of the time

Garysmum

hugs
your not inconsistent lovely

but you like him and he’s showing red flags 🚩
disappearing and girls calling on dates ?
nah

now to find another one you like who wants the same thing

I think you feel like this because you liked him and feel rejected. Not because he’s wonderful or you have feelings for him. It will pass and I think feeling not wanted is what pisses most of us off.
Don’t worry and decide what would you like to have as a relationship or perhaps date several people but you know that dating several people means seldom you are top of the list…and certainly it’s FWB territory and that requires exquisite balance not to be jealous or fall in love and get hurt 😞

There really was no way of proving but it was clear the chap was a massive player and seeing both of you

PinkIdentity

i think you have to wait this therapy out
change takes time
and i like that he’s caving but telling you that’s where he is at

needless to say I’m hoping this works out for you both

Slothy…you MASSIVE MINX!! It’s really liberating calling your irons and just enjoying time on your terms. I think this is also a massive boost for your confidence and you will transmit that to your next date. You feel happy and sexy 🥰

Thank you Worsy…you are such a kind lovely woman. I want a super nice super hot guy to scoop you in his arms and make you feel brilliant ( and forget cunt B)

You are loveable and nice too…don’t let this affect your confidence but it is nice to decide you want to be monogamous if you are indeed monogamous?? It is 100% ok to be vulnerable and show yourself as you are if you really really like the man.

@PinkIdentity @Thisisworsethananticpated thank you both.
I think there were possible red flags there. Had I either had are the confidence to question them at the time (as opposed to turning introverted) or accepted and enjoyed until there was more evidence, things may have been different.
I definitely should have allowed myself to show my vulnerability rather than styling it out to the point I couldn’t hide it.
If I had any certainty it wasn’t right I’d feel ok now. Instead, I feel like I have made a massive idiot of myself as he did nothing wrong and I turned into an emotional embarrassment.

Garysmum…this is unfair comment. We all turn into weird crazy people when we fancy someone and we basically cringe all the way. You are no different. Cut yourself ( and ourselves who are quite idiotic when we fancy someone ) some slack please. Do not beat yourself because we all go through shit like this. The key thing here is what can we learn and can we just trust ourselves a bit more and see we are ENOUGH and worth being loved and wanted and desired…
Every line you write…I recognise myself too and I feel huge empathy as a fellow cringeworthy mess at times