My boyfriend has a baby on the way with someone else…

[Agonyaunt90]

Where do I start?! So I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for 7 years. In September, we finally cut ties, as there were too many factors that meant we couldn’t be together. A few weeks later he met a new girlfriend. He was with her until middle of November. During this time, the factor that had stopped us being together (a medical issue) was no longer an issue. The day he broke up with her, he contacted me and we decided to make another go of it now we didn’t have anything stopping us from being together. The very next day she told him she was pregnant and he went back to her for the sake of the baby. Their relationship was very turbulent and he messaged me three times during that period to try and get back together but each time he’d go back to her again for the baby. In the middle of January he finally left her for good and we are now together.

I’m obviously finding it very difficult. We argue a lot as I worry he will go back to her. He’s sick of arguing about her. They had their 20 week scan yesterday and now he’s telling me that he wants to spend time with her once a week so the baby can hear his voice. Then when the baby comes, he will be spending the first 2 weeks with her and possibly staying over. I understand why but it’s still so difficult to cope with. He doesn’t want to show me the messages they send to each other to give me piece of mind nothing is going on, as he feels like it’s like being in a prison having to show me. I do feel like he loves me. He says he wants us to try for a baby but I’m not sure what to do about any of it. Part of me wonders if I should walk away and let them see if they can make a go of it for the sake of the child, but he says he’s either with me or nobody. It’s just a difficult situation. Any advice????

I just wanted to say that you have been through so much: a serious physical illness, a boyfriend who has messed you around, the shock of finding out that he is going to have a child with someone else... I would say that it's time for you to put yourself first and look after yourself. Honestly, once you are away from this mess you will breathe a sigh of relief and never look back. He's already had 7 years of your life - that's your 7 years of bad luck over and done with. Time for a fresh start.

@LuluLehman is right.

Put yourself and your own recovery first.

You are emotionally very vulnerable at the moment and really need to learn how to strengthen your boundaries. You can do better than this waster.

Apart from anything else, how does he think he is going to be able to pay for two young children i two different households for the next 18 years?

And what happens when he meets someone else (because he will)?

At present you are not seeing things clearly because you have been through so much, and he has been in your life (useless though he may be) for seven years. that's a long time. And it's a time when you thought you would not live long or have a normal life, and so probably hadn't the energy to look any further for love, company and support.

Now you can. Take a complete break from him. Block him, don't see him - if he makes a pest of himself tell him you need time to think without any distractions. Just get yourself out of this toxic relationship (which is what it is-he is using you) and give yourself a chance to see things clearly.

Hi op how are you now ?

He is not the only man in the world. Walk away!