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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I wish I was married

86 replies

Summersunshinee · 20/03/2023 19:37

I all.

I`m 36 never seem to have much luck relationship wise.

Most of my friends are settled but i can never find a wife and well time is running out for me.

There are no single women in my area and internet dating just doesn't work.

Anyone got any advice ?

OP posts:
jays · 23/03/2023 21:04

Watchkeys · 23/03/2023 18:15

They often work for many people.

They really don’t.

Itcouldhappenabishop · 23/03/2023 21:05

Marriage isn't a transaction. Unless it goes wrong and you get divorced in which case both parties end up worse off financially. Not to mention emotionally. And there's a fairly high chance of divorce, statistically.
You haven't mentioned love, interestingly.

MyriadOfTravels · 23/03/2023 21:21

Summersunshinee · 23/03/2023 21:00

I wouldn't run a mile at the first sign of trouble.

Sorry but how would anyone know that and trust you if your reasons for marriage is to be better off financially? And you havent said a word about loving and caring for the person, wanting to create something together, sharing dreams etc... No feelings, nothing?

How can you convince someone that you stay with them if they got ill, if they couldnt have sex with you anymore, if they had to stop work etc...?
I mean surely, in that last case, youd be worse off staying married, financially. So WHY would anyone believe that/you?

Ishouldbeoutside · 23/03/2023 21:29

What sort of woman are you looking for? What qualities would you hope for? What could you offer her? Do you think you’re someone interesting and stimulating to be around? Are you caring, thoughtful and kind? Are you good fun, do you have a sense of humour? Can you cook, are you well travelled? Do you read widely and have opinions about things? If you want to find a relationship not just a wife for convenience, these are important things to consider.

Taciturn · 23/03/2023 21:29

Flip it on its head. Have you thought about whether you are appealing?
Do you have good prospects?
Can you support a wife and children when they arrive - there will be years when she cannot work?
Do you have good personal hygiene, keep fit, look after yourself?

Summersunshinee · 23/03/2023 21:47

Ishouldbeoutside · 23/03/2023 21:29

What sort of woman are you looking for? What qualities would you hope for? What could you offer her? Do you think you’re someone interesting and stimulating to be around? Are you caring, thoughtful and kind? Are you good fun, do you have a sense of humour? Can you cook, are you well travelled? Do you read widely and have opinions about things? If you want to find a relationship not just a wife for convenience, these are important things to consider.

Intelligent, good sense of humour.

I can talk about anything, i can cook, not as well travelled as i would like

OP posts:
Summersunshinee · 23/03/2023 21:48

Taciturn · 23/03/2023 21:29

Flip it on its head. Have you thought about whether you are appealing?
Do you have good prospects?
Can you support a wife and children when they arrive - there will be years when she cannot work?
Do you have good personal hygiene, keep fit, look after yourself?

I think my time to have kids is gone.

I keep good hygiene, go to the gym 3/4 times a week.

OP posts:
bagofdogshit · 23/03/2023 21:53

Watchkeys · 23/03/2023 18:38

Well i would like to meet someone to spend my life with

What are you looking for in a partner? What would you like to do together/talk about together? How would you like to spend your time with your partner?

A job and a pre approved mortgage would get them over the line.

Summersunshinee · 23/03/2023 22:08

bagofdogshit · 23/03/2023 21:53

A job and a pre approved mortgage would get them over the line.

Why would you marry someone who is unemployed anyway ?

OP posts:
Ishouldbeoutside · 23/03/2023 23:38

Do you know what love is? Because it doesn’t sound like you have a clue.

Summersunshinee · 23/03/2023 23:41

Ishouldbeoutside · 23/03/2023 23:38

Do you know what love is? Because it doesn’t sound like you have a clue.

Of course i do. I have been in love before but sadly got hurt.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 24/03/2023 00:20

Over rated

callthataspade · 24/03/2023 00:22

Well the title says it all. Why can't I find a wife

Not why can't I find love. In fact I don't see you mention love at all. Financial benefits are well covered though.

You seem to see women as an appendage to make your life better, for you.

Would love to see your dating profile and how you pitch yourself cause this ain't great.

bagofdogshit · 24/03/2023 00:23

If money is your personality then you need a better personality

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 24/03/2023 00:26

Is it half term again?

Summersunshinee · 26/03/2023 19:54

Another week goes by.

Another week single

OP posts:
Nopinnogin · 26/03/2023 19:58

Singles holidays?
Join a dance class?
meet someone outside of your local area.

I’ve been in your shoes OP and it wasn’t a good time in my life. I hope you meet “the one” soon

venusandmars · 26/03/2023 20:16

It seems you've focussed a lot on what having 'a wife' would bring to you.

What joys and delights would you bring to their life? And I don't mean financial security or stability or a holiday companion. (or a bit of DIY and cooking)

What are your passions? What make your eyes sparkle? What makes you feel energised, proud of yourself? What drives you to achieve something? You don;t have to be a hot-shot lawyer or a greative genius. Do you love to dance? Or try new foods? Try your hand at cretive writing? Or samba drumming?

Join a club or go to an evenng class because it's something that YOU would love to do, not to meet a wife. Throw yourself into something that excites you or stimulates you or that you enjoy learning. Volunteer for something that you genuinely belive in and where you will be valued for waht you offer. Through those kind of activities, you can expand your friendship / social network, and who knows where that can lead?

Personally I am attracted to people who are doing something they love and who thrive on their own joie-de-vivre. I'd be really put off by someone whose purpose in joining a social activity was to find a partner.

What is the rest of your social life like? Do your friends not have any single friends? Or why do they not introduce you? Can you expand your network, in general? Meeting more people as friends (men and women), explore how to build and develop meaningful friendships. Maybe one of them will deepen into love. Maybe you might decide together that being married is the right thing for you both.

Or maybe not. Maybe you appreciate the time you have spent together and what you brought to each others lives during that period.

You don't 'find a wife'. That makes it sound like a row of women waiting for you to come and choose one of them.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 20:38

jays · 23/03/2023 21:04

They really don’t.

Strong argument, there, well made. You must be right. What about all the people who met that way? You'd tell them they didn't, I suppose?

jays · 26/03/2023 20:53

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 20:38

Strong argument, there, well made. You must be right. What about all the people who met that way? You'd tell them they didn't, I suppose?

Sorry. Was probably just thinking of my own experience and my friends. I shouldn’t have made a blanket statement like that, I hate when folk so that, fair play for pulling me up for it, you’re right. That was a shit comment. It wasn’t meant as a shit comment and if anything, now I see how I can get pissed off at comments that maybe weren’t meant that way but come across that way. I genuinely didn’t mean to be an arse but I see how it’s arsey… I don’t like that I did that. Thanks for saying something because you’re right. X

Summersunshinee · 07/04/2023 20:49

Bank holidays are the worst when you are on your own.

OP posts:
Abcdefgh1234 · 07/04/2023 21:13

How about your jobs? Its easier to find a wife if you are settle with yourself.

go to bali Op. lots of my friends find their wives outside country. Foreigner are very popular in south east asian apparently.

Summersunshinee · 07/04/2023 21:18

Abcdefgh1234 · 07/04/2023 21:13

How about your jobs? Its easier to find a wife if you are settle with yourself.

go to bali Op. lots of my friends find their wives outside country. Foreigner are very popular in south east asian apparently.

No single women at work also not really into workplace relationships.

Going aboard feels like abit of a stereotype move

OP posts:
Summersunshinee · 15/04/2023 21:14

Still the same.

OP posts:
CherryCokeFanatic · 15/04/2023 21:54

Get on the dating apps

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