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Relationships
Male perspective with OLD
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 11:31
Hi everyone,
For context I'm a 58 year old guy. Separated. Live alone.
Online dating .. I'm really wanting to vent about one subject and have a serious question about another.
Anyway the vent first ( and it's reasonably light hearted )..
I regard myself as non adventurous.
I'm not into mountaintop star jumps, skiing, white water rafting or holidays in Egypt on camels.
I enjoy box sets, reading, pubs and coffee shops.
A bop around the kitchen is wonderful too!
And I have a libido!
My OLD profile is genuine. I spend hours getting it right. It's me in 400 words or so.
So why do 90% of women want to proclaim that they really LOVE to be active, just can't wait to travel the world ( again ) with "someone special"!?
Ladies.. we aren't all misogynistic alpha males!
I've used various sites and this attitude is spread across them all.
Vent over.
Serious now..
Do potential matches expect the guy to send the first message?
I get notifications that someone has visited my profile, sometimes several times but haven't "liked" me.
So is it up to me to jump in?
It's all a minefield..
Btw I have no axe to grind with OLD. I've had a couple of short relationships through OLD. It does work, it's more difficult in areas of low population like mine, but it can be soul sapping.
Thank you all.
determinedtomakethiswork · 19/03/2023 11:36
I don't understand what you mean though. Some women like to travel and some don't. Same goes for men. Why are you assuming misogyny?
Bansheed · 19/03/2023 11:38
Yes, it is up to you to jump in. You have to be in it to win it 😊
I always gauged a man's interest first before I would reply
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 11:46
determinedtomakethiswork · 19/03/2023 11:36
I don't understand what you mean though. Some women like to travel and some don't. Same goes for men. Why are you assuming misogyny?
Sorry. I was being light hearted. As a bloke, I work with many guys.. and a few are "alpha male misogynists".. they are in decline but they do exist.
Otterhound · 19/03/2023 11:46
I think a lot of people write a profile thinking thats what their target audience want to hear
determinedtomakethiswork · 19/03/2023 11:48
Sometimes I think when people say they want to go travelling, but they are now in their 50s, they are thinking back to when they were young and carefree. The reality of that kind of travel will be very different now. I was watching race across the world on TV and thinking how I would've loved that sort of journey in my early 20s, but how much I would hate it now! I agree with the previous poster that some people put what they think you want to hear. Also, if someone has had a very lazy partner, then they might want somebody much more active next time round.
xJoy · 19/03/2023 11:53
I'm only 6 years younger than you but your use of the word box set is a bit dated, it might make me wonder if you were really 68. I'm joking. 95% joking.
I don't understand what the issue is, have women claimed to be active but then you brought them to the bottom of a mountain and they were expecting a coffee? Or is the issue that nobody is messaging you?
I did OLD for years, nightmare, I regret it. Although I'm a woman and you're looking for a man's perspective, I'd advise you to be realistic, would this woman respond in real life, all other things being optimum, you know, right kind of setting, conversation flowing et cetera. Don't message 35 year olds and complain about OLD. If you are realistic about yourself in who you choose to message you will have so many women to choose from. There is nothing for a man on OLD to complain about really.
xJoy · 19/03/2023 11:58
@determinedtomakethiswork yeh, I avoided those guys because when I was doing OLD I had responsibility for two children approx 10 to 12 at the time. Eventually I gave up, met a man at work, he was not bothered about climbing mountains thank god. He had no kids but he had a job, he liked! So he wasn't ruling me out because I wasn't free to trek the camino or climb machu pichu! I think I got a bit resentful on OLD so many of these men were roughly my own age (bit older) and yet they had no responsibilities! Their children lived with their mother or their children lived primarily with their mother and they were all free to book holidays around the ''co-parenting''.
I will walk the camino when I retire though. That's a goal of mine.
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 11:59
xJoy · 19/03/2023 11:53
I'm only 6 years younger than you but your use of the word box set is a bit dated, it might make me wonder if you were really 68. I'm joking. 95% joking.
I don't understand what the issue is, have women claimed to be active but then you brought them to the bottom of a mountain and they were expecting a coffee? Or is the issue that nobody is messaging you?
I did OLD for years, nightmare, I regret it. Although I'm a woman and you're looking for a man's perspective, I'd advise you to be realistic, would this woman respond in real life, all other things being optimum, you know, right kind of setting, conversation flowing et cetera. Don't message 35 year olds and complain about OLD. If you are realistic about yourself in who you choose to message you will have so many women to choose from. There is nothing for a man on OLD to complain about really.
Thank you.
I definitely target 50 plus year old women!
"Box set".. yup Netflix it is then!
Oh and I definitely do not climb mountains.
The countryside is to be looked at through a steamed up coffee shop window..
Great discussion though..
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:12
It sounds like you're equating being active and enjoying adrenaline activities and travelling with alpha misogynists? Or have you mixed two points together? What have the alpha misogynists got to do with anything?
Anyway, I am a female who uses online dating sites. I do like hiking, adventurous holidays, and sports/activities so I match with people who like the same things as me. You'll just have to find someone who prefers box sets. I don't get the issue?
Radicallyh0peful · 19/03/2023 12:15
I don't understand what misogynists has to do with travel etc? Can you explain?
ArcticSkewer · 19/03/2023 12:15
Use Bumble. The women have to make the first move on there. Otherwise, yes, it's up to you to make the first move.
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:19
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:12
It sounds like you're equating being active and enjoying adrenaline activities and travelling with alpha misogynists? Or have you mixed two points together? What have the alpha misogynists got to do with anything?
Anyway, I am a female who uses online dating sites. I do like hiking, adventurous holidays, and sports/activities so I match with people who like the same things as me. You'll just have to find someone who prefers box sets. I don't get the issue?
I get it! I understand that not everyone is a misogynist.
My experience with guys that did cycling, hill walking etc ( and I've known a few ) is that they left the house early doors and didn't return till late.
"The Wife" was left to do the kids, shopping, washing etc.
The lads said it was their day off work and so did what they want.
I know of two guys who have never changed a nappy.
Just my experience.
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:20
ArcticSkewer · 19/03/2023 12:15
Use Bumble. The women have to make the first move on there. Otherwise, yes, it's up to you to make the first move.
Ah Bumble! Yes. That's the Company Director, star jump, etc one.
I'm on that now.
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:20
Just to clarify, are you trying to say that the men who like to be active are all horrible misogynists who mistreat women and that you are superior because you like box sets and have a libido...
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:21
Radicallyh0peful · 19/03/2023 12:15
I don't understand what misogynists has to do with travel etc? Can you explain?
Sorry. That was a poor analogy on my behalf.
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:22
What about women who like being active etc then? Are you saying that they too abandon their families to pursue their hobbies, or are you suggesting that they are lying about what pastimes they enjoy? Nothing you are saying makes sense. If you feel inferior to these women who have busy lives just say that.
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:22
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:20
Just to clarify, are you trying to say that the men who like to be active are all horrible misogynists who mistreat women and that you are superior because you like box sets and have a libido...
Not all of them. No.
User0610134057 · 19/03/2023 12:23
Surely there’s all sorts on there
fwiw I swipe past the (seemingly large) number of men who are really into their exercise, or gym, or extreme sports, or cycling, that’s good for them but I sense that they probably want someone who is into those things too (and sometimes they state it eg. ‘looking for someone who looks after themselves’) and I’m not. So I assume they won’t find me attractive
Radicallyh0peful · 19/03/2023 12:24
So you like to do nothing much at all? I'm sure there is someone out there for you!
Me and my DP do active stuff together. He isn't a misogynist, we walk hills, ride bikes and even travelled, for three years!
Good luck mate.
Ps when you say you're not active, do you mean you don't look after yourself and you're a bit overweight perhaps?
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:24
User0610134057 · 19/03/2023 12:23
Surely there’s all sorts on there
fwiw I swipe past the (seemingly large) number of men who are really into their exercise, or gym, or extreme sports, or cycling, that’s good for them but I sense that they probably want someone who is into those things too (and sometimes they state it eg. ‘looking for someone who looks after themselves’) and I’m not. So I assume they won’t find me attractive
Sounds awfully familiar!
blackbeardsballsack · 19/03/2023 12:25
User0610134057 · 19/03/2023 12:23
Surely there’s all sorts on there
fwiw I swipe past the (seemingly large) number of men who are really into their exercise, or gym, or extreme sports, or cycling, that’s good for them but I sense that they probably want someone who is into those things too (and sometimes they state it eg. ‘looking for someone who looks after themselves’) and I’m not. So I assume they won’t find me attractive
That's interesting. I swipe past men who say 'I like women who look after themselves' too because I always presume they mean that they like women who make an effort with how they dress/make up etc whereas I'm always in muddy exercise gear!
Shunter350 · 19/03/2023 12:26
Radicallyh0peful · 19/03/2023 12:24
So you like to do nothing much at all? I'm sure there is someone out there for you!
Me and my DP do active stuff together. He isn't a misogynist, we walk hills, ride bikes and even travelled, for three years!
Good luck mate.
Ps when you say you're not active, do you mean you don't look after yourself and you're a bit overweight perhaps?
Nope. Not overweight ( by much ). I do a wee bit of walking.
User0610134057 · 19/03/2023 12:26
🤣 that’s funny, and yes I think they can mean that too but I always take it to mean - a gym bunny who is slim, and very well groomed
B1rd · 19/03/2023 12:38
400 words on your profile seems a bit too much.
I'm 50 and my profile states "Hiking and skiing is not for me". I would much rather spend my time wandering around a quaint village, then getting stuck into a coffee and bit of cake.
Sometimes, I feel exhausted reading about all the exercise that some men do! I struggle to match because despite having a very healthy libido, I look like the missionary position would be too adventurous for me! 😂
I tend to go with the theory of whoever matched last, messages first. Bumble already dictates who should.
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