Male perspective with OLD

[Shunter350]

Hi everyone,

For context I'm a 58 year old guy. Separated. Live alone.
Online dating .. I'm really wanting to vent about one subject and have a serious question about another.

Anyway the vent first ( and it's reasonably light hearted )..
I regard myself as non adventurous.
I'm not into mountaintop star jumps, skiing, white water rafting or holidays in Egypt on camels.
I enjoy box sets, reading, pubs and coffee shops.
A bop around the kitchen is wonderful too!
And I have a libido!
My OLD profile is genuine. I spend hours getting it right. It's me in 400 words or so.
So why do 90% of women want to proclaim that they really LOVE to be active, just can't wait to travel the world ( again ) with "someone special"!?
Ladies.. we aren't all misogynistic alpha males!
I've used various sites and this attitude is spread across them all.
Vent over.

Serious now..

Do potential matches expect the guy to send the first message?
I get notifications that someone has visited my profile, sometimes several times but haven't "liked" me.
So is it up to me to jump in?

It's all a minefield..

Btw I have no axe to grind with OLD. I've had a couple of short relationships through OLD. It does work, it's more difficult in areas of low population like mine, but it can be soul sapping.

Thank you all.

Being active and travelling has nothing whatsoever to do with being an "alpha male" so get that straight first. Thats a very silly assumption.

Secondly, plenty of women love netflix and relaxing but I've also seen women say that they dont get replies when they put that either so it could well be theyre trying too hard to appear "active". My friends who are online dating also say they put that they like being active and the gym because men assume they are unfit/overweight otherwise. In their experience, men are just as picky about women's weight as women are about height so saying how active you are is another way of saying you arent completely sedentary and unfit.

Thirdly, yes, make the first move in a respectful and friendly way. If they dont respond, move on.

It’s quite easy. Yes you message first. Message anyone you like the look of that’s 48 +. Send them a nice, shortish message mentioning something in their profile, if you get a pleasant response ask if they’d like to go for a coffee or drink. Set up lots of these first meets and see who you get on with.

@Shunter350 So I mention libido to prevent any misunderstanding.

I would remove that from your profile, not that there's anything wrong with having a libido (a lot of us do) but for the woman who doesn't know you and potential dates it comes a bit like you're looking for a shag fest. If I were you I would maybe lightly mention it further down the conversations but would not write it on your profile. I'm in my 40's and been on OLD for a while so just giving my perspective here.

Honestly you don't seem to respect women very much.

They 'proclaim' to be active. Why? Don't you believe them?

Women must like misogynistic arseholes because you're not getting any likes?

Your attitude stinks.

And any reference to libido or sex is a hard swipe left for me. It's a relationship you're entering into. No need to state the obvious.

Oh and for the love of God, dont mention libido. Most women know that men want sex, it doesnt need to be explicitly stated. It makes you look a bit weird- its like someone emphasising that they "arent a criminal" in their profile- thats kind of expected and so specifically mentioning it makes it sound like some kind of weird hang up or odd cover up. Libido is something that should come up in a natural conversation- most women enjoy sex and expect it.

Tbh you come across as playing the victim

Waaaaah other people's profiles aren't fair!
Women aren't fair , they should want me and my boxsets and libido 🤮
Never a good look!

I would also avoid any profile that mentions libido for the simple reason that it would make me think the profile owner was simply looking for sex rather than a relationship. I would also think said profile owner is more likely to send dick pics.

Some things are better left off OLD profiles completely. This is one of those things.

Another male perspective here, and am 53

I look like Gru from despicable me - ick
I never got married and divorced - red flag
i never had kids - red flag
i worked away a lot - red flag
i have lots of female friends - red flag

im honest, deffo not the bad boy, I don’t smoke, not a fan of big drinking, rubbish dancer, intelligent, liberal and open to others living their lives as they see fit, strong sense of what is right and wrong.

Had a fair amount of fun in my twenties and early thirties but friends kind of married off then, most of them settled (they admit this themselves now) and most are now unhappy and/or having affairs. I had to make new friendships and thankfully dont struggle with that, but I did at first. Interesting to get calls out of the blue now from old friends.

Old was a mare for me. Not sure I ever got looked at twice, so you are doing better than me.

So I Gave up old. I’m sure i will meet someone one day, but won’t have kids now, i do want to climb mountains, Kilimanjaro is provisionally booked for 2024 (but that’s not a real climb more of a tough walk) and skiing scares the bejeebers out of me, because I know if I break something it takes twice as long for things to heal. I will do more travelling - except that I can afford to do it in style now, private jet if I really wanted to and stay for as long and wherever I want.

Old is like shopping online. You have to fit a brand that works without being a lie. Doesn’t matter what I have to offer, I never do, or worse attract the wrong type who are into me for stuff or money, rather than me.

my advice - if you don’t jump of the page and get clicks aplenty - look elsewhere. Best of luck.

Lots of exclamation marks in your first post! If that’s what your profile is like, it will put people off! Best number of exclamation marks is none!

Your profile sounds ideal to me! What part of the country are you in 🤔

The cynic in me suspects this was the plan all along

Like those creepy PMs you get from men on here saying oh hi just saw your post. I'm a man and I totally agree with you...

Does the self pity not give you the ick?

Hi, 40F here been doing OLD for a few years now.
It’s nothing to do with your hobbies etc.
Once we have matched here’s what would be nice:

• Yes it is nice for the guy to message first - shows interest
• Don’t send messages for too long - arrange a meet up if interested
• Don’t get sexual way too soon!

Your messages here are very offputting. I would have been probably in your target age range but I like an active man. Because I am active. You don't need to have done iron man but a couch potato would not be for me. I imagine you alone, at home, with no friends watching Netflix and I say "no thanks"

If you don't look like a male model you won't get very far. Just the way the numbers work, there's far, far more women and they can therefore be picky while most men will get nowhere fast.

Easy to pick out things from OP's profile but it's not easy whatever he writes.

That should read that there's far far more men on OLD than there are women.

I'm in my late 40s and having recently delved into the world of OLD, was surprised to discover that many of the chaps in my age range were already settling into 'pipe and slippers' mode. Endless profiles of men looking tired, grey, worn out and fed up with life.

Anyone remember the old Eddie Izzard sketch about women skipping over the grim reaper's scythe while the men lined up for the free pyjamas? That's sometimes what it's felt like!

I'm 48, I'm not dead nor am
I planning my retirement. In fact, I'm in the final stages of retraining for a brand new career and I'm quite excited by the thought but at the same time I love walks, pubs and pottering about at home. I can have adventure but also be a homebody.

So while I've been honest about my interests on my profile, I just wonder if some women have gone OTT on the 'swinging from mountains' stuff as what they're really saying is, 'I've done the first half of my life and I'm just getting started on the second. If you're waiting for the grim reaper to show up, then we're probably not going to be a good match'.

As for making the first move, call me old fashioned but yeah, I'd be waiting for the man to do it. I might like your profile but if you like it back, I'd want you to message first. That's just me though!

Agree, it's a bit grim.

You say 'separated', I read 'married'. Sorry.

Don't think I could do OLD but if I did I probably wouldn't rule out messaging someone first. Especially if there are more women than men out there.

Totally agree with others re messaging, yes you do this, and libido, please ditch mentioning that. The majority of people on OLD (adults in general) like sex, no need to mention this. Don’t know if this applies but the following is an instant no for me (mid 40s):

Men that are 45-55 saying they are open to having more children. I’m done with that as are 99% of women my age. I just assume the guy is actually looking for a 20/30 something.

Men that will message and after a couple of messages say things like ‘I’m really tactile’ or ‘my favourite thing is to snuggle up in bed’.

Men that sound demanding and potentially abusive, ‘no drama’, ‘I look after myself, expect you to do the same’, ‘is anyone real on here?’.

Lots more but that’s a start.

Oh yes I missed the 'separated'.

I wouldn't bother unless you were single/divorced.

🙄

You think women are saying stuff just to attract you?

’I like to bop around the kitchen’ you sound like a loser that’s why women don’t want to date you

I'm 51 . Look younger . Fit and active . Hairs done and wear make up , look after myself , very active job . I've made several "first moves " message wise but the conversation dries up pretty quickly and it's obvious that a better prospect has come along .

It used to dishearten me but now I expect it .

An old dalience from online recently got in touch to say he was single again and would I like casual sex .
The words off and fuck came into play . I've had very little success online .

My male friend who is in Tinder has no photos on , quite explicit and has loads of matches .
I suspect his matches might get a shock when they meet him however.

I have a
Profile on tinder and bumble but I've seriously lost interest . I don't think at our age it's a way to meet anyone looking for a
Connection.

I’d swipe left on anyone mentioning bopping round the kitchen box sets and their libido. All triggers of the ick!