Page 6 | Male perspective with OLD

Shunter350 · 2023-03-19T11:31:34+00:00

Hi everyone, For context I'm a 58 year old guy. Separated. Live alone. Online dating .. I'm really wanting to vent about one subject and have a serious question about another. Anyway the vent first ( and it's reasonably light hearted ).. I regard myself as non adventurous. I'm not into mountaintop star jumps, skiing, white water rafting or holidays in Egypt on camels. I enjoy box sets, reading, pubs and coffee shops. A bop around the kitchen is wonderful too! And I have a libido! My OLD profile is genuine. I spend hours getting it right. It's me in 400 words or so. So why do 90% of women want to proclaim that they really LOVE to be active, just can't wait to travel the world ( again ) with "someone special"!? Ladies.. we aren't all misogynistic alpha males! I've used various sites and this attitude is spread across them all. Vent over.[blush] Serious now.. Do potential matches expect the guy to send the first message? I get notifications that someone has visited my profile, sometimes several times but haven't "liked" me. So is it up to me to jump in? It's all a minefield.. Btw I have no axe to grind with OLD. I've had a couple of short relationships through OLD. It does work, it's more difficult in areas of low population like mine, but it can be soul sapping. Thank you all.

Original poster

Shunter350 · 22/03/2023 18:03

Right. I'm off to make a cup of tea whilst bopping round the kitchen to some Fleetwood Mac.
What I will say is this.. thank you to all well meaning posters ( if that's the correct terminology ) and for your input.
None of you know me ( thank god I hear you say ) and are unlikely to meet. We may not get on but if we did meet I hope you would be more respectful than you are from behind a keyboard. I would still buy you a coffee and hold doors open for you..
Maybe I'll settle down with a couple of episodes of "The Last Kingdom" where I have obviously gained my perspective on women rights..

OP posts:

Templebreedy · 22/03/2023 18:05

Why is it you think you’re owed ‘respect’, @Shunter350? That’s quite a claim.

Original poster

Shunter350 · 22/03/2023 18:07

HooDooManc · 22/03/2023 17:37

I'd avoid anyone whose status is "separated". Not that I think they might be married but because I don't want to be an emotional crutch through someone else's messy divorce. I'd want someone who's well over their ex and emotionally available without distraction.

Yes. It's something that does make me wonder. However my eventual divorce will not be too messy. No mortgage, kids grown up and we tolerate each other.
Think I mentioned before many women's profiles are "separated". It's not something that bothers me tbh.
If they get on with their ex then I think that's great. Life is too short for hate.

OP posts:

TitInATrance · 22/03/2023 18:11

When I was OLD I used to end up visiting the same profiles multiple times because I’d forgotten they threw up red flags for me - I wouldn’t date someone with a dog for example.

I did look for hints that men in my age group (60s) were still sexually motivated, as it transpired many were uninterested or had physical problems.

Met current partner IRL.

Original poster

Shunter350 · 22/03/2023 18:12

TitInATrance · 22/03/2023 18:11

When I was OLD I used to end up visiting the same profiles multiple times because I’d forgotten they threw up red flags for me - I wouldn’t date someone with a dog for example.

I did look for hints that men in my age group (60s) were still sexually motivated, as it transpired many were uninterested or had physical problems.

Met current partner IRL.

Thank you. There is hope for me yet!

OP posts:

callthataspade · 22/03/2023 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 22/03/2023 18:37

I hope you would be more respectful than you are from behind a keyboard.

Oh dear. You don't know many forthright women IRL, do you...

Metootoo · 22/03/2023 18:44

I think there has been a bit of piling on to theOP here. He has asked for advice and people have been quite unkind.
Here is my two penny worth

I have been native in dating as came out of a long marriage and so did not know the dating rules and was not on the dating threads here to learn them (add most people are not)

He has taken the libido thing off his profile - good
Why do people only look for others with the same interests? I have loads of friends with the same interests as me, but would love to meet someone with different interests and learn new things. Is that allowed?

GinAndTony · 22/03/2023 18:47

Metootoo · 22/03/2023 18:44

I think there has been a bit of piling on to theOP here. He has asked for advice and people have been quite unkind.
Here is my two penny worth

I have been native in dating as came out of a long marriage and so did not know the dating rules and was not on the dating threads here to learn them (add most people are not)

He has taken the libido thing off his profile - good
Why do people only look for others with the same interests? I have loads of friends with the same interests as me, but would love to meet someone with different interests and learn new things. Is that allowed?

I think people are irritated that they’ve offered advice and OP has basically just told them they’re wrong and that his profile is great. What’s the point in posting in that case?

DatingDinosaur · 22/03/2023 18:56

I think you’re getting a hard time from the man-haters on here @Shunter350. It’s par for the course on the relationships board if you’re a man, sadly. Fair enough if telly and coffee shops is what you like to do but you have made it sound like you’re old before your time – that you’ve put yourself out to grass.

Coffee shops and cozy pubs are places you go after returning from a good day out on the hills (star jumps optional), not the be-all and end-all of “something to do”. And don’t we all sit and watch TV in the absence of something better to do? No? Just me then

Once children have grown up and don’t need parenting anymore we need to find something to do with that spare time. Throw in a bit of peri/menopause and we’re sat thinking “there has to be more to life than this” so we go out and do hobbies we maybe didn’t have time or money to do when we were younger. Men generally tend to do their hobbies when they’re younger.

As for bopping around the kitchen? The phrase “dance like no-one’s watching” springs to mind. Definitely a solo activity! Even if you are wearing a posing pouch and singing nelly the elephant..

I’ve half a mind to report the bitchy, nasty derailing posts between callthataspade and ladywindermeresonlyfans. They are behaving in exactly the same way as the men they complain about. So more a potcallingkettleblack maybe. There’s just no need for it.

I hope you find a lovely lady who hasn’t got an axe to grind with the male of the species OP.

ThunderAndLoki · 22/03/2023 19:13

You sound like one of those guys who claims to be "the nice guy".

Are you going for women of a similar age, or do you think you are deserving of the attention from a much younger demographic?

Your 400 word OLD bio and chip on your shoulder wrt 'active alpha male misogynists' would be a massive turn off for me. What you've set out in your OP suggests to me that you may fit the profile of a certain type of man I would steer clear of - possible covert narc, sex pest, pervert, etc. But I don't know you IRL and may be mistaking you for someone else.

callthataspade · 22/03/2023 21:34

@DatingDinosaur I'm not a man hater at all!

I just don't like men who come on here moaning about women not liking them. Basically it couldn't possibly be anything to do with THEM it has to Be the woman's fault

I gave him some advice at first. Before I realised what kind of bloke he is

And then you do have to wonder about men coming on here like this... why not ask his female friends if he wants a woman's perspective? No he has to come here and tell us women what we're doing wrong.

Pfft

callthataspade · 22/03/2023 21:40

ThunderAndLoki · 22/03/2023 19:13

You sound like one of those guys who claims to be "the nice guy".

Are you going for women of a similar age, or do you think you are deserving of the attention from a much younger demographic?

Your 400 word OLD bio and chip on your shoulder wrt 'active alpha male misogynists' would be a massive turn off for me. What you've set out in your OP suggests to me that you may fit the profile of a certain type of man I would steer clear of - possible covert narc, sex pest, pervert, etc. But I don't know you IRL and may be mistaking you for someone else.

To be honest the more you read the grimmer it gets

It's not just the 'I'm the nice guy' it's the blaming women for not choosing the nice guy.

There's more red flags here the more he posts... which I guess is why he's not getting the matches he feels he is entitled to.

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 23/03/2023 00:31

Taking the wind out of the sails of a bloke who's rocked up on Mumsnet to complain about women and then chuck his toys out of the pram when they challenge him, isn't "hating men."

What an odd perspective to have.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 23/03/2023 08:43

We may not get on but if we did meet I hope you would be more respectful than you are from behind a keyboard.
😂😂😂

If we did meet, I hope you would do a lot more to earn my respect than simply demanding it for existing in my space.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 23/03/2023 08:45

DatingDinosaur · 22/03/2023 18:56

I think you’re getting a hard time from the man-haters on here @Shunter350. It’s par for the course on the relationships board if you’re a man, sadly. Fair enough if telly and coffee shops is what you like to do but you have made it sound like you’re old before your time – that you’ve put yourself out to grass.

Coffee shops and cozy pubs are places you go after returning from a good day out on the hills (star jumps optional), not the be-all and end-all of “something to do”. And don’t we all sit and watch TV in the absence of something better to do? No? Just me then

Once children have grown up and don’t need parenting anymore we need to find something to do with that spare time. Throw in a bit of peri/menopause and we’re sat thinking “there has to be more to life than this” so we go out and do hobbies we maybe didn’t have time or money to do when we were younger. Men generally tend to do their hobbies when they’re younger.

As for bopping around the kitchen? The phrase “dance like no-one’s watching” springs to mind. Definitely a solo activity! Even if you are wearing a posing pouch and singing nelly the elephant..

I’ve half a mind to report the bitchy, nasty derailing posts between callthataspade and ladywindermeresonlyfans. They are behaving in exactly the same way as the men they complain about. So more a potcallingkettleblack maybe. There’s just no need for it.

I hope you find a lovely lady who hasn’t got an axe to grind with the male of the species OP.

"Pick me! Pick me! I'm a cool girl, not like these nasty man-hating feminists!"

ToffeeNotCoffee · 23/03/2023 09:11

@CuriouslyDifferent

I look like Gru from despicable me - ick
I never got married and divorced - red flag
i never had kids - red flag
i worked away a lot - red flag
i have lots of female friends - red flag

Never got married and divorced - red flag. Really ? Lots of people have their own circumstances in life. Might have had one or more long term living together arrangements.

Never had kids - red flag. Really ? Plenty of people didn't have children. Me included, as a free choice.

I worked away a lot - red flag. Really ? Lots of people work away a lot.

Lots of female friends - red flag. Um, you mean as soon as one of them agrees to go out with you, you'll get the woman you really want.

LadyWindermeresOnlyFans · 23/03/2023 09:51

"Man haters."
"Bitchy."
"Lovely lady."
"Axe to grind."

I see you @DatingDinosaur. Well played.

CuriouslyDifferent · 23/03/2023 10:58

ToffeeNotCoffee · 23/03/2023 09:11

@CuriouslyDifferent

I look like Gru from despicable me - ick
I never got married and divorced - red flag
i never had kids - red flag
i worked away a lot - red flag
i have lots of female friends - red flag

Never got married and divorced - red flag. Really ? Lots of people have their own circumstances in life. Might have had one or more long term living together arrangements.

Never had kids - red flag. Really ? Plenty of people didn't have children. Me included, as a free choice.

I worked away a lot - red flag. Really ? Lots of people work away a lot.

Lots of female friends - red flag. Um, you mean as soon as one of them agrees to go out with you, you'll get the woman you really want.

im relaying my experience of what I’ve experienced and seen plenty of evidence of, on mumsnet. If you’ve had a different experience, well done.

And no. I’m able to be a friend to people without a motive.

thank you for your feedback though. Don’t know why I rattled your cage so much, but if I’ve offended you, my apologies.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 23/03/2023 12:05

@CuriouslyDifferent

No offence taken, I was just giving a counter point to your lived experience

User135644 · 23/03/2023 16:51

CuriouslyDifferent · 23/03/2023 10:58

im relaying my experience of what I’ve experienced and seen plenty of evidence of, on mumsnet. If you’ve had a different experience, well done.

And no. I’m able to be a friend to people without a motive.

thank you for your feedback though. Don’t know why I rattled your cage so much, but if I’ve offended you, my apologies.

Show quote history

"never been divorced" - red flag. ignored wedding vows and got divorced - green flag.

SamW98 · 05/06/2023 19:46

OP if you’re local to me you sound just my sort of man - and around the same age 🤣

I avoid the cycling mountain climbing hiking camping flying off to Outer Mongolia at a minutes notice like the plague.

Give me a nice cozy pub lunch, Netflix with a take out, lounging round the pool type holiday with the odd dancing in a field festival thrown in.

I’ve also got a healthy libido and struggling with 3 years single but I can’t do casual. No judgement to those who to but I need that connection to get naked

TomPinch · 06/06/2023 02:31

🍿

GarlicGrace · 06/06/2023 03:46

This thread's quite fun. I hope it isn't over yet. It's also reminding me why I haven't bothered to date (or shag) since 2006 and will continue not bothering ...

@Shunter350, I thought the long reply from @Jellyheadbang was brilliant. I hope you'll re-read it. Most of the others have made good points, too, even when rudely expressed. Jelly's was really well thought through.

I'm also big on reading, Netflix, my hobbies do not raise my heart rate and I dance in the kitchen by myself. I'm not fat but my libido went on holiday some time back, sends occasional postcards. Luckily for us both, I'm nowhere near Scotland! I'm kind of rooting for you though. Lazy men with slightly outdated views deserve appropriate partners, too.

AnyaMarx · 06/06/2023 04:09

I gave up old 6 weeks ago . Phew!