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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 18/03/2023 05:20

I hope you jolly well sighed back at him!

barmycatmum · 18/03/2023 05:33

Surprised no one has mentioned the disgusting issue with his second communication about his Dad. Even if it’s true and he’s under stress, “you should be nicer to me” or whatever the fuck he said is DISGUSTING.
turning it all back around on her. Clear case of DARVO.

what an absolute loser.

men who think these stupid tactics work need to learn something, or just wind up in the trash where they belong.

and that goes to the other idiots in this thread who are clearly trolling, and come across as complete Neanderthals. ICK. Disgusting.

this is why you’re incels, silly gits, and the good men win EVERY time.

Twinsmummy1812 · 18/03/2023 05:44

I did not, I laughed like a drain!

pollykitty · 18/03/2023 06:02

Omg ditch him. A week after our first date, my husband called me and we were chatting away and I told him my cellar had flooded after the recent heavy rain. He said ‘I’ll come help you bail it’ and he did. Now yeah maybe he was just trying to get in my pants but he is just like that. He helps without asking. Don’t be with someone who won’t even come pick you up when your car breaks down. Good grief. It’s like bare minimum such a red flag sign of a bad partner.

Twiglets1 · 18/03/2023 06:12

Dump that loser

Franceen · 18/03/2023 06:16

He is history. You do not have to forfeit your self-respect. Dump this pathetic thing. Look on the bright side, be happy your car broke down which lead to finding him out for what he is.

Gh12345 · 18/03/2023 06:27

Personally I think that if someone’s really into you, they would drop everything to be with you. I would finish with him.

UdoU · 18/03/2023 06:34

Have you dumped him?

Tourmalines · 18/03/2023 06:38

dump him , he does not care about you .

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 18/03/2023 06:46

Ghost the horrible twat.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 18/03/2023 06:50

Well I haven't been in contact with him so I'm assuming he's got the message, I don't really want to give him further attention and enter into conversation with him as I don't feel like it would be useful. I've got what I need to know now.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 18/03/2023 06:51

MoneyInTheBananaStand · 17/03/2023 20:48

Well I'm glad he showed himself to be so selfish this early. You can get rid with a clear conscience. Sorry he turned out to be an arse

Like others I would have picked up someone I only vaguely knew in that situation never mind someone I'm dating

Yeah. Your car breaking was very lucky. He's flaunting being a pig.

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/03/2023 06:52

Rushed to hospital my arse.

cowsaysmoo · 18/03/2023 06:58

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:48

He messaged me back later to say that his dad had been rushed to hospital and I should be more considerate of him. Funny how he didn't mention this before though?

I'd reply that's sad'.
And block.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 18/03/2023 07:06

DojaPhat · 17/03/2023 20:47

I think his reaction says a lot more about the situation than the situation itself. It's one thing to have expected him to help you out if he could have done but quite another to react the way that he did, he snapped back in a completely disproportionate way. The only thing you need to do now is resolve to yourself that it's over - no over-explaining, apologising, minimising that 'you were okay in the end' or 'this happens to everyone' etc etc. Do not be drawn. If he asks just tell him you don't think you're well matched and leave it there without giving him further ammunition to attempt to rip apart. It sucks especially if things were otherwise coming along nicely but the crux of it is these situations really give you insight into how people actually are, not the candle-light dinners and romantic strolls home.

Yes, all of this. You obviously hit a nerve when you pointed out how that made you feel.

winningeasy · 18/03/2023 07:12

He sounds absolutely horrible, you are worth more than this rude and unkind treatment

Leave him on read forever x

Deathraystare · 18/03/2023 07:26

Well if that was true about his Dad he should have said so! Then asked you to text him when you are safely home!

Twat! Shown his true colours. Get rid!

Crocadoodledoo · 18/03/2023 07:26

He’ll probably try to apologise in a day or so, and reel you back in. Ignore him, otherwise the whole cycle of behaviour will start again!

BLT2022 · 18/03/2023 07:29

Crocadoodledoo · 18/03/2023 07:26

He’ll probably try to apologise in a day or so, and reel you back in. Ignore him, otherwise the whole cycle of behaviour will start again!

Yes, please leave it now and don't be swayed by anything he might say. He is clearly not a nice person.

NetballMumGrrr · 18/03/2023 07:36

Wow! I think literally anyone in my life friend or family would have immediately come and got me! I can’t imagine anyone reacting like that.

Barbecuebeans · 18/03/2023 07:39

Justalittlebitduckling · 17/03/2023 21:46

If it’s genuinely completely out of character, is there something wrong that you’re not aware of? Eg is he dealing with something he hasn’t shared with you? Or is he just a selfish dick and you haven’t seen it before because you’ve never needed him in this way before, or you didn’t see it because you didn’t want to?

Seriously, and this is why women end up with selfish arses, right there.

Always someone to tell you he might have a reason for being an arsehole.

We have to stop making excuses for these kind of men. It's not just the selfishness it's the language he uses: 'you just want to click your fingers and I'm going to drop everything and come'. That's a man who deep down despises women. I have never spoken to anyone like this for just a mild disagreement, even if I've been under a lot of stress. It reveals a lot about his attitudes.

OP you're lucky you found this out early on before you're more seriously involved with him. Don't ignore this huge red flag. As you said, any decent person would have said at the outset, sorry I wish I could help but I'm stuck somewhere myself, and then would have checked you got home okay.

Definitely bin him and don't engage in further chat as he'll probably try to talk you around.

Barbecuebeans · 18/03/2023 07:45

Hochjochhospiz · 17/03/2023 22:20

Just ignore. That poster shows up on every single thread where a man has behaved like a prick and twists it all around to lay the blame on the "entitled", "whining or angry" woman.
While reading through the thread I wondered how long it would be before such a poster showed up and who it would be... and there we have it. 3 pages in. Regular as clockwork.

Show quote history

Yes there are definitely some men on here that are either on a wind up or see it as their mission to shame women into putting up with selfish or abusive men. They can't stand women having their own safe space where they get given impartial advice and support.

Noname77 · 18/03/2023 07:46

sugarspices · 17/03/2023 22:22

I'd say drop him asap unless his dad actually has been rushed to hospital because in the scheme of things, a broken down car really is nothing in comparison to a seriously ill parent!

Nope. If his dad had been rushed to hospital he could have said that or said nothing, instead he chose to be horrible.

Noname77 · 18/03/2023 07:46

AthenaPopodopolous · 17/03/2023 22:29

Well it seems like your a clever woman and sorted it out for yourself. You arranged breakdown cover and got on your way. So what’s the problem?

The problem is his nasty messages…

HurryShadow · 18/03/2023 07:47

If it was me, I wouldn't be so concerned about the lack of offer of help, as DH knows I'd say no, unless I was somewhere seriously dodgy, in which case I'd straight up ask!

But the lack of concern over whether you'd got home? Yep, he's an arse I'm afraid.

Think yourself lucky you found out after 7 months rather than 7 years.