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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
ClairDeLaLune · 18/03/2023 00:32

Throw this one back OP. He doesn’t care about you, sorry. And that’s one of the most important constituents of a relationship. I’d just send him a simple text saying “You’re dumped, bye”

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 00:32

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:29

Is everyone ignoring the fact that she needed to stay with her vehicle until the AA arrived!?

Just go and cut your toenails or wash your hair or something. You are adding nothing to the thread.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 18/03/2023 00:38

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:29

Is everyone ignoring the fact that she needed to stay with her vehicle until the AA arrived!?

Even if she did, it's been cold. He could have bought her hot drink, food, a blanket, jumper. He could even have just checked she was OK and got home safe. He didn't behave like he cared at all.

OnAPostItNote · 18/03/2023 00:42

Please leave him. You deserve better.

altmember · 18/03/2023 00:42

Unless he's a breakdown mechanic himself, with his own recovery vehicle, then I don't know what you expected him to do? If he drove out to you, he'd likely be breaking the law by stopping his own car on the dual carriageway. And then what? It's not like he could've taken you anywhere as you couldn't leave the car unattended, you had to wait for the AA to arrive.

Maybe he could've (should've) offered to pick you up from the garage after the car was recovered, but did he know you were stranded there? Did you ask him for a lift back?

Yes his responses sound particularly terse the way you've put them, but did he really say all that in that way, or are you just selectively quoting part of a longer conversation? Because it reads very unnatural and one sided to have just spewed all of that response all together in one go. They sound like the sort of comments someone would make in the heated exchange?

And dating someone for a couple of months has a wide range of intensity - that could be anything from having met up a handful of times, to being fully exclusive and spending every spare moment together. If it's more like the former, then maybe it's a bit early to expect him to be your white knight?

But if you're not happy with his behaviour then go ahead and finish it, it's not a big loss with a relatively short relationship. I wouldn't recommend ghosting, but a brief text will be sufficient.

QueenCamilla · 18/03/2023 00:45

Look at your ex OP - that is what an empty wanker looks like. There's zero man in that skin.

Now that he's shown the horrid self - do you think there were signs looking back? How did you meet?

greenfingers39 · 18/03/2023 00:46

My ex wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire and even he'd offer to pick me up in this situation. My current bf....he would insist on coming. This one is a dud, you can do better

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 00:47

altmember · 18/03/2023 00:42

Unless he's a breakdown mechanic himself, with his own recovery vehicle, then I don't know what you expected him to do? If he drove out to you, he'd likely be breaking the law by stopping his own car on the dual carriageway. And then what? It's not like he could've taken you anywhere as you couldn't leave the car unattended, you had to wait for the AA to arrive.

Maybe he could've (should've) offered to pick you up from the garage after the car was recovered, but did he know you were stranded there? Did you ask him for a lift back?

Yes his responses sound particularly terse the way you've put them, but did he really say all that in that way, or are you just selectively quoting part of a longer conversation? Because it reads very unnatural and one sided to have just spewed all of that response all together in one go. They sound like the sort of comments someone would make in the heated exchange?

And dating someone for a couple of months has a wide range of intensity - that could be anything from having met up a handful of times, to being fully exclusive and spending every spare moment together. If it's more like the former, then maybe it's a bit early to expect him to be your white knight?

But if you're not happy with his behaviour then go ahead and finish it, it's not a big loss with a relatively short relationship. I wouldn't recommend ghosting, but a brief text will be sufficient.

He might have managed to redeem himself if he had shown one iota of concern for his girlfriend's wellbeing. He failed.

LeftyLou · 18/03/2023 00:51

He didn't even ask if you got back okay? Disgusting! Hope you're okay @shestakingtheurine 💐

QueenCamilla · 18/03/2023 00:55

If it's more like the former, then maybe it's a bit early to expect him to be your white knight?

There's an important detail you've somehow missed regarding "White knights" : they're either early or never.

This one is a "never".

JFDIYOLO · 18/03/2023 00:57

When they show you who and what they are - believe them.

Greyarea12 · 18/03/2023 01:15

You have dodged a bullet there. Not only in how he treated and spoke to you but to also lie about his Dad being rushed to hospital. I wouldn't even bother to end it properly, just don't respond to him ever again. Thank god you seen the real him so quickly.

CheekyHobson · 18/03/2023 01:30

he said ' you think

Honestly, the first time someone starts informing you what you supposedly think, it's dumping time.

PumpkinQueen1 · 18/03/2023 01:38

Gey out now. He's a shit.

Calibrate · 18/03/2023 01:40

Totally unrelated, but @JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain your username is one of my favourite songs!

SinnerBoy · 18/03/2023 01:44

Poopgal · Today 00:00

Next time if you need something from someone ask. You should have asked him to pick you up if that’s what you wanted.

It wouldn't have occurred to any normal, average person not to have offered to help. If she'd been in Glasgow and he in Bristol, I could have understood, but not 20 minutes away.

SinnerBoy · 18/03/2023 01:46

altmember · Today 00:42

Unless he's a breakdown mechanic himself, with his own recovery vehicle, then I don't know what you expected him to do?

He could have given her company and moral support, maybe have driven her to a services for a coffee and to be somewhere safer.

If he drove out to you, he'd likely be breaking the law by stopping his own car on the dual carriageway.

Poppycock. It's not illegal to stop on the hard shoulder, to assist someone.

YNK · 18/03/2023 01:46

Op, stay strictly 'no contact' but expect him to try to reel you back - under no circumstances respond!

You have had a very narrow escape!

Mothership4two · 18/03/2023 02:05

Like others have said you have dodged a bullet OP. His responses stink. If a friend was in your situation nearby I would at least offer to come out to them.

therearesomenastypeoplearound · 18/03/2023 02:58

And what was your response when he said all that to you?

I'd have told him to off!

Fraaahnces · 18/03/2023 03:06

I certainly hope you’ve blocked him

Butterfly44 · 18/03/2023 03:25

Yes, absolutely get rid. There's no future here!
Don't bother to explain. Just block.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/03/2023 03:50

YANBU
I’m reading that text from him as ‘I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire’.

Dentistlakes · 18/03/2023 04:32

Time to cut your losses and move on. If he can’t be bothered so early in the relationship, he’s not worth wasting any more time on.

Twinsmummy1812 · 18/03/2023 05:13

My DH sighed once when I ran out of petrol a mile away from home (new car and the petrol gauge was really weird, no digital warnings etc) and I was fuming with him and all he did was sigh! It’s not like I did it on purpose but of course he came out to help. The funny thing was the exact same thing happened to him the following week in the same car, it went pretty soon afterwards!

Point is he came and that was after 25 years together. Don’t sell yourself short.

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