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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
LikeTearsInRain · 17/03/2023 23:43

The level of detail in your post about what exactly was said between you makes it a very he said she said type of situation. And we are only hearing your side.

Id tend to agree with @JudgeRudy here.

Give more info on your initial communication. If you just texted saying your cars broken and you’re sat waiting for the AA perhaps it seemed you were fine. Very different to detailing you weee on a busy road and felt in danger or calling him agitated or expressing you are scared or similar. If his story about his dad is true then he was dealing with crap too.

JustHavinABreak · 17/03/2023 23:46

Dear God...I've stopped to help strangers in that situation, never mind someone close to me. This guy has done you a massive favour. Think of all the other bs that was to come...now it's not your problem!

Maia77 · 17/03/2023 23:46

Pringleface · 17/03/2023 20:54

Oh. He’s one of those men who feel the need to demonstrate that they won’t do anything to help a woman, even their partner.

It will be because a) women want equality so don’t expect anything (even basic courtesy or consideration) from him, or b) no woman can use her feminine wiles to fool him into doing something because he’s stronger than that.

Bin.

100% agree.

Inkblue · 17/03/2023 23:47

Goodness, that is an awful response, OP. If someone doesn’t show any care for you early on in a relationship it’s not going to get any better. What an arse.

SinnerBoy · 17/03/2023 23:48

Well, he sounds like a keeper. Oh wait, whatever the opposite of keeper is...

My wife's car broke down once, I called a friend, who drove our daughter to her sister's, then took me out to where she was. She was pretty upset, it was a dual carriageway and nasty weather. He took her home and I waited for recovery. It took two hours and was quite shit.

Dancingdoggo · 17/03/2023 23:48

Wow. He’s not nice in any way I’d go and help my neighbour or a work colleague if they texted me let alone my partner. At the very least I would offer some help for a lift home or like you say check they had got back safely.

Please don’t even consider staying with this man. You deserve so much more than he is willing to give you.
Move on. Head high and know your worth.

Stoic123 · 17/03/2023 23:50

I was in a similar situation with a boyfriend of less than 6 months. He drove out (30 mins away) with tea in a flask and a sandwich in case I had a long wait.

AA fixed the car at the roadside so he then followed behind me till I got home safely.

You have choices. This one is a poor specimen.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 17/03/2023 23:51

WidthofaLine · 17/03/2023 23:41

Well if he wanted to continue seeing her and maybe having sex, being an obnoxious git isn't too clever is it.

Problem sorted he's been dumped.
Clever man meets clever woman.

Show quote history

I'm thinking maybe @AthenaPopodopolous is the soon-to-be exBF! 🤔

Theeaglesoared · 17/03/2023 23:59

He sounds bloody awful!

Poopgal · 18/03/2023 00:00

His reaction is the problem, not the situation itself. Next time if you need something from someone ask. You should have asked him to pick you up if that’s what you wanted. Don’t expect people to be kind readers to reach your standards. His reaction however is grounds for dropping him.

Vgtasd · 18/03/2023 00:00

What a dick!

Poopgal · 18/03/2023 00:00

Mind readers!

AubadeIsIt · 18/03/2023 00:03

No, he doesn't give a shit about you. And more importantly, if you DON'T leave him, you'll be showing him YOU don't give a shit about yourself either and that it's OK for him to behave that way.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:04

This is a drama of your own making. You would have had to stay with the car anyway while waiting for the AA to arrive. What did you expect him to do? Arrive and cause more of a traffic hazard on a dual carriage way in rush hour so that you could wait 'together'?

I agree with him. you expect to click your fingers and have him there.

Outliers · 18/03/2023 00:06

He's just not that into you

HelloTreacle9 · 18/03/2023 00:07

Gosh I’ve never read a thread where you can so clearly tell which responses are from men…

Carry on ignoring OP. He’s a massive bellend and you are best rid.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/03/2023 00:14

The BF "you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't'"

The OP. "You are correct. Your world does not revolve around me... because I have dumped you."

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 00:21

Carriecakes80 · 17/03/2023 23:16

Yeah I had a really really bad day at work once back when I was dating my DH, I text him just saying 'God I need a hug!' and he caught the train and travelled 4 1/2 hours from Essex to Bucks just to check on me, then he had to leave half an hour later to be back in time for work! (He's still that lovely too even after 17 years together!)
Get shot of that arsehole. You're worth way more.

That's so lovely! You really do have a keeper! x

madamovaries · 18/03/2023 00:22

My husband would have done this for me at that stage in our relationship in a heartbeat. In fact, he'd do it for someone he barely knows.

Please ditch him. You deserve so much better.

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 00:23

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:04

This is a drama of your own making. You would have had to stay with the car anyway while waiting for the AA to arrive. What did you expect him to do? Arrive and cause more of a traffic hazard on a dual carriage way in rush hour so that you could wait 'together'?

I agree with him. you expect to click your fingers and have him there.

Well she won't any more but she will be LTB!!

Romance is not dead, I see...

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 18/03/2023 00:25

When my DH and I were dating, my plane was delayed and I was going to miss the last train. I was going to have to stay in the station overnight. He drove 2 hours each way to come and get me, was waiting for me when I landed. The fact he was 20 mins away, didn't offer or even check on you is appalling. Even a 'that sucks, I'd come get you but I'm in hospital with dad, keep in touch so i know you're OK' would have been fine.

Aria999 · 18/03/2023 00:26

At least you found out now rather than after investing any more time!

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 00:29

My car broke down years ago, on a motorway with a toddler and a young breastfeeding baby. I didn't have breakdown cover and DH was in work miles away.

I called the nearest dealership and one of the partners in the business came out to check my car, pronounced it ok to drive, but drove behind me to make sure I was safe the whole way to his business.

Meanwhile, my DH had left work, picked us all up and took us to my parents' and then to collect my car when it had been repaired.

That's what normal, decent people do. I was so grateful to this man, a total stranger - I hadn't even bought my car from his business.

I don't know what is wrong with some of you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:29

Is everyone ignoring the fact that she needed to stay with her vehicle until the AA arrived!?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/03/2023 00:30

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet

Not to mention being a bit... um.. presumptive.