Wwyd? Partner is obsessed with me exercising.

[Talktalk33]

I have been with my partner 13 years and we have 2 children under 6. He has always had comment about my weight/fitness levels, but it has started to really affect my confidence and self esteem.

Obviously I’m not as thin as I was when we met and now in 16/18 clothes where I was in 12/14 when we met. He tells me weekly I need to do exercise, that I need to join a gym or do a workout at home.
I work from home in a desk based role so have started walking a mile a day before I start work to try and get some steps in, he asks me everyday if I’ve been on my walk and doesn’t speak to me or gets annoyed with me if I don’t go that day.

I was supposed to go swimming but forgot my bank card and had to come home and he didn’t speak to me for 2 days as he was “disappointed I didn’t exercise this week”. he asks me when I’m going to go to the gym or do a workout at the start of the week and if there’s not time in the week (ie work commitments/afterschool clubs etc) it ends in arguments.

We eat healthily as a family and I do most of the cooking from scratch, but he has started to be more restrictive with “treats”,(for the most part he will do the food shop on the way home from work) for example, he will no longer buy crisps or snacks and refuses to buy bacon for bacon sandwiches which we used to have on a Sunday morning as a family tradition. He will also judge if I have too much butter on toast for breakfast so I have taken to eating when he’s gone to work.

I have tried to explain how him pushing me to exercise is making me feel but he gets very defensive and says it’s because he wants me to be healthy for the children. He says I can’t keep up with them or run after them and he doesn’t want me to end up “massive” (his words not mine).

I struggled with ppd after our 2nd child and occasionally have bouts of depression and he says it’s due to my lack of going to the gym/exercising, but I feel his constant judgement about it is making things worse.

How do I make him understand I don’t particularly enjoy the gym? Or is he right and I should be working out more?

He’s a bad guy.

I wouldn’t stand for it and neither should you. Does he control you in other ways?

Your in an abusive relationship. He doesn’t want you to be as big/fat as you are and so what he’s going to do is bully and emotionally back-mail you until you do as your told.
My husband sat me down one day 2.5 years ago and said I’m really worried about your weight and the affect it’s having on your health, if you want me to help you I will, but if your happy and don’t think it’s a problem then it’s your body and health and I love you anyway.
Ive lost 7st now because his worries were valid and my health was declining. I was majorly overweight. Had he treated me the way your being treated I would be even bigger now secret/emotional eating and my self esteem would be nothing.
I hope you tell him straight!

Your 2 children are going to watch this, imagine one day witnessing a man restrict your daughters diet because she’s gone up 1-2 dress sizes after she has given him 2 children. . .

"Lots of us have lost weight and we realise lecturing someone who didn’t ask for advice doesn’t actually work. Funny that."

yes it works... but the opposite way I may say

Thank you! Truth. But this threads full of the overweight mum club ‘my body changed with kids and I made zero bloody effort to avoid it and enjoy your sweets and butter coz you being fat makes me feel better ’ whilst slinging swear words and abuse at any woman that actually beat that miserable existence by losing a ton of weight, an unhealthy lifestyle, a crap relationship and is smashing life and telling it like it is. You have 2 choices: carry on as you are with current results and listen to that lot whose husbands also prob don’t fancy them or make changes and smash life for you not him and then maybe Dutch him. On that note I’m not wasting my energy here she’s a grown woman and will sort it herself. Love and light 💙

He sounds like a nasty bully.

I don’t actually think it’s unreasonable to not want your partner to gain a lot of weight, as attraction is important in a relationship, but his treatment of you is unforgivable imo.

maybe Dutch him

Is that a new cooking style?

He’s controlling you OP. This is a very unhealthy relationship, it sounds abusive to be honest. I suggest you both get relationship counselling.

The relationship will not survive unless he accepts that he has no right to control what you eat and how you look. YOU DO NOT ANSWER TO HIM.

I am worried for you and even more worried for your children, I dread to think what the pressure, emotional blackmail and criticism for them will be like as teenagers if they don’t get straight A grades.

yes you realised correctly-typo-I definitely meant unintelligent- but you wrote iPod not iPad. I forgave you:)
OP we are all behind you to make healthy choices and lose weight and smash life -go for it xx

He has always had comment about my weight/fitness levels

This is a slight aside, I don't understand why he's gone for a size 12-14 woman .... It's pretty obvious to everyone that (bar ppl getting very into diet and exercise) the vast majority of ppl go up a size or two as they get older, head for middle age, have kids etc.

A man this fixated on weight/size tbh should have gone for a very small/skinny partner ....and even that's no guarantee.

But because he chose not to, or couldn't .... You're now to be bullied and harassed and abused to go down a size even when youve got two v young kids (and are working/bringing money in too, you're not even a sahm with more free time).

He goes to the gym once a week?

Is he naturally slim?

ditch there you go. Seriously that all you got sone typo’s?

Agree on both counts. Night all x

He’s not a nice man. He’s not a friend or a partner he’s a horror. He’s also bullying you into a REALLY unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. What if your children aren’t naturally skinny like him? What if horror of horrors they don’t stay fit enough or thin enough for their horrible Dad? Save them only you can.

Tell Mr Perfect, that it's way past time he went for a very long hike off a very short pier!

Ha *some **incase you grab onto that too instead of grasping the good advise to help the OP

Ok hun now get back to helping OP x

Not speaking to you for two days for any reason whatsoever would be completely out of order without all the rest of his bollocks

For the gym bunnies and competitive undereaters on here, I think you will find walking a specific mile a day for most people along with general daily activity probably means the OP is walking around 7,000 steps a day- this is perfectly normal. Ok I'm pretty sure the OP is aware herself she needs to shift some weight- I'm the same size myself and I also cook and eat really well- I don't eat loads of snacks, I don't eat massive portions, I don't eat chocolate or cake, I'm also on beta blockers and 61 and weight loss can be really slow- even if I go to 1300 calories a day and 15,000 steps or a but of swimming, light aerobics etc. what you do not need in this position is some tit wanting a daily diary of all your activities- you want compliments of 'that dress looks nice' or as my H said this week- I can see you've lost a couple of pounds- shows in your face' -

Good luck OP-I’m rooting for you to succeed anyway xx