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Original poster

Wwyd? Partner is obsessed with me exercising.

355 replies

Talktalk33 · 14/03/2023 21:04

I have been with my partner 13 years and we have 2 children under 6. He has always had comment about my weight/fitness levels, but it has started to really affect my confidence and self esteem.

Obviously I’m not as thin as I was when we met and now in 16/18 clothes where I was in 12/14 when we met. He tells me weekly I need to do exercise, that I need to join a gym or do a workout at home.
I work from home in a desk based role so have started walking a mile a day before I start work to try and get some steps in, he asks me everyday if I’ve been on my walk and doesn’t speak to me or gets annoyed with me if I don’t go that day.

I was supposed to go swimming but forgot my bank card and had to come home and he didn’t speak to me for 2 days as he was “disappointed I didn’t exercise this week”. he asks me when I’m going to go to the gym or do a workout at the start of the week and if there’s not time in the week (ie work commitments/afterschool clubs etc) it ends in arguments.

We eat healthily as a family and I do most of the cooking from scratch, but he has started to be more restrictive with “treats”,(for the most part he will do the food shop on the way home from work) for example, he will no longer buy crisps or snacks and refuses to buy bacon for bacon sandwiches which we used to have on a Sunday morning as a family tradition. He will also judge if I have too much butter on toast for breakfast so I have taken to eating when he’s gone to work.

I have tried to explain how him pushing me to exercise is making me feel but he gets very defensive and says it’s because he wants me to be healthy for the children. He says I can’t keep up with them or run after them and he doesn’t want me to end up “massive” (his words not mine).

I struggled with ppd after our 2nd child and occasionally have bouts of depression and he says it’s due to my lack of going to the gym/exercising, but I feel his constant judgement about it is making things worse.

How do I make him understand I don’t particularly enjoy the gym? Or is he right and I should be working out more?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 15/03/2023 23:01

Katie4eyes · 15/03/2023 12:57

As a wife who was overweight and needed a lot of encouragement to slim down to a healthy weight I do sympathise with you OP, there’s a difference between encouragement and unacceptable pressure which can be counterproductive. I think that you need to show your DP that you appreciate his concern re your health and the need to improve your physique and health for your own benefit and for the
children, and indeed to improve your physical appeal to him, but explain that the strength of his requests is getting you down. You don’t say whether your DP is also overweight. One of the issues in my relationship was that my DH was a physical fitness instructor who actually and understandably became embarrassed being alongside me when I was so clearly unfit (in both senses) and overweight. It did take some pressure from him to make me realise that I had to slim down substantially. I’d been married at a comfortable 9 stone and risen to 14 and a bit stone. With DH’s support plus SW over a 14 month period I got down to 9 stone 5!! You can do it OP!!! And you’ll find out there are many benefits when your DP finds you attractive again!!! NNWW! Good luck! X

Why would she pander to his controlling behaviour?

celerysticks · 16/03/2023 23:58

Katie4eyes · 15/03/2023 12:57

As a wife who was overweight and needed a lot of encouragement to slim down to a healthy weight I do sympathise with you OP, there’s a difference between encouragement and unacceptable pressure which can be counterproductive. I think that you need to show your DP that you appreciate his concern re your health and the need to improve your physique and health for your own benefit and for the
children, and indeed to improve your physical appeal to him, but explain that the strength of his requests is getting you down. You don’t say whether your DP is also overweight. One of the issues in my relationship was that my DH was a physical fitness instructor who actually and understandably became embarrassed being alongside me when I was so clearly unfit (in both senses) and overweight. It did take some pressure from him to make me realise that I had to slim down substantially. I’d been married at a comfortable 9 stone and risen to 14 and a bit stone. With DH’s support plus SW over a 14 month period I got down to 9 stone 5!! You can do it OP!!! And you’ll find out there are many benefits when your DP finds you attractive again!!! NNWW! Good luck! X

Jesus is this for real @Katie4eyes?

If my OH doesn't find me physically attractive he knows where the door is! Nobody should be losing weight to please a man, or indeed anyone, other than themselves. Hate the way so many women are programmed to feel that they have to look a certain way to remain attractive to men and that should be our focus in life. There is so much more to life than pleasing the owner of a penis 🥱

OP, if you want to lose weight for health reasons, or because YOU want to, then great. A balanced diet and exercise is important for physical and mental health, we all know that. And if your husbands concerns were coming from a place of genuine concern for your overall health, I could potentially understand. As it is, he sounds like a twat.

What would I do? I'd tell him I was replacing him with a vibrator because that doesn't care how many steps I've done 😤

Katie4eyes · 17/03/2023 22:46

@celerysticks
If my OH doesn't find me physically attractive he knows where the door is! Nobody should be losing weight to please a man, or indeed anyone, other than themselves. Hate the way so many women are programmed to feel that they have to look a certain way to remain attractive to men and that should be our focus in life. There is so much more to life than pleasing the owner of a penis 🥱

OP, if you want to lose weight for health reasons, or because YOU want to, then great. A balanced diet and exercise is important for physical and mental health, we all know that. And if your husbands concerns were coming from a place of genuine concern for your overall health, I could potentially understand. As it is, he sounds like a twat.

What would I do? I'd tell him I was replacing him with a vibrator because that doesn't care how many steps I've done 😤

Hi @celerysticks could I gently suggest that there are some double standards in play here? As one half of a very happy couple, I’d certainly be telling my OH if he was becoming overweight and unattractive! Maybe not in a brutal way but I’d make sure he knew that he was risking losing his appeal!!

Katie4eyes · 18/03/2023 11:48

And some of his benefits!!!

celerysticks · 18/03/2023 22:50

@Katie4eyes you clearly didn't understand my post, but no double standards.
I already stated if it was a question of health and genuine concern then yes, a gentle conversation may be necessary.
However, as one half of a happy couple, there's more to 'appeal' than looks alone and if my OH became embarrassed to be seen in public with me, he'd be in the bin.

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