Wwyd? Partner is obsessed with me exercising.

[Talktalk33]

I have been with my partner 13 years and we have 2 children under 6. He has always had comment about my weight/fitness levels, but it has started to really affect my confidence and self esteem.

Obviously I’m not as thin as I was when we met and now in 16/18 clothes where I was in 12/14 when we met. He tells me weekly I need to do exercise, that I need to join a gym or do a workout at home.
I work from home in a desk based role so have started walking a mile a day before I start work to try and get some steps in, he asks me everyday if I’ve been on my walk and doesn’t speak to me or gets annoyed with me if I don’t go that day.

I was supposed to go swimming but forgot my bank card and had to come home and he didn’t speak to me for 2 days as he was “disappointed I didn’t exercise this week”. he asks me when I’m going to go to the gym or do a workout at the start of the week and if there’s not time in the week (ie work commitments/afterschool clubs etc) it ends in arguments.

We eat healthily as a family and I do most of the cooking from scratch, but he has started to be more restrictive with “treats”,(for the most part he will do the food shop on the way home from work) for example, he will no longer buy crisps or snacks and refuses to buy bacon for bacon sandwiches which we used to have on a Sunday morning as a family tradition. He will also judge if I have too much butter on toast for breakfast so I have taken to eating when he’s gone to work.

I have tried to explain how him pushing me to exercise is making me feel but he gets very defensive and says it’s because he wants me to be healthy for the children. He says I can’t keep up with them or run after them and he doesn’t want me to end up “massive” (his words not mine).

I struggled with ppd after our 2nd child and occasionally have bouts of depression and he says it’s due to my lack of going to the gym/exercising, but I feel his constant judgement about it is making things worse.

How do I make him understand I don’t particularly enjoy the gym? Or is he right and I should be working out more?

Are you two different people, or have you had a drink? Your writing style is all over the place...

The fact that he’s not exactly a gym bunny - going once a week is basically just justifying a gym membership not a lifestyle - it sounds like he’s unhappy with your weight (ie how you look) and is trying to control you and your food.

Everyone who’s on a diet, exercising, whatever, to change their bodies know that it has to come from them, not some dickhead husband nitpicking. I’d be tempted to have an extra bacon sandwich with extra butter just to piss him off. I decide how I look and feel NOT you.

It’s your body. If you want to exercise 7 days a week and eat lettuce, it’s your choice. If you’re happy walking an hour and enjoying a bacon sandwich on Sundays - again your choice.

Again I’ve been in this exact situation: lost 6 stone felt Amazing changed my life and ditched that man raising 2 boys alone. You can do it x

To be honest, if you think eating buttered toast is going to make you gain weight then you have a really disordered view of eating. Especially when you then offered poached egg and avocado on toast instead. It may be healthier but for weight gain, unless she’s absolutely loading it on, your meal is more calorie dense.

At any rate, people need to want to lose weight for themselves to succeed. Not be coerced and bullied into it. If OP’s DP really want her to succeed he’d be building up her self esteem and giving her confidence in herself. What he’s doing is abusive - withholding communication and putting her down for not doing as he wants.

Though I suspect you know all of that are just being a goady fucker.

You don't know she would stay "fat" if she gets rid of him and moves on.

She has two v young kids, you have no idea how she'll be when they grow up a bit and she gets more time to herself.

🤦🏻‍♀️

At any rate, people need to want to lose weight for themselves to succeed. Not be coerced and bullied into it. If OP’s DP really want her to succeed he’d be building up her self esteem and giving her confidence in herself. What he’s doing is abusive - withholding communication and putting her down for not doing as he wants.

Perfectly put.

Atm he's just controlling and abusing her.

THIS IS NOT A WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING PEOPLE!

did you missed the part that OP is doing the mile walk before work?? doing other exrecise like kettelbell work out?? or even swimming?? or yoga class??

so yes in my book it's a good start.

This!!

No I’m one person and sober. Trying to help as someone who’s been in the OPs shoes. You would all love it if I said go order a pizza and rub it in his face but that won’t help the OP at all. And I speak from experience. We all love the under dogs here but I’m all about helping women realise their bed potential after my own experience and realising they can do it alone or meet better. Upto you listen to the fat club who would happily post you some chocolate to ‘help’ or do some inner work, get fit healthy and smash 2023 x

What a nasty man. There's no way I'd tolerate this. To give you the silent treatment because you didn't go for a walk?? Insane. It's quite clear he just wants you to be thinner again because he thinks it's more attractive. If he cared about your health maybe he'd consider how being bullied into adhering to his wishes would affect your mental health.

My DP has gained a few stone in the last few years. He knows it's unhealthy, as do I. I never push him or nah him to do anything about it. Sometimes I give him gentle encouragement (for example suggesting we go walking together because it'd be good to get some steps in) but always whilst also reminding him that I love him whatever his size. Ultimately it is his body and his choice, and not my place to make him do anything.

A bloke who intentionally exercises once a week is not in a position to lecture about exercise regime. Unless the drip feed is that he has a seriously manual job or somehow gas to move one hell of a lot more than the average person, he’s lucky or disciplined (with diet), but not ‘fit’.

@Prochoice11 get a life will you and some bloody lurpak down ya. Maybe then you won't be so miserable. Not everyone who is a certain size is terribly obese and unhealthy some women carry weight in their breasts and in their hips which naturally spread when pregnant. The thing is the OP has acknowledged she is not where she wants to be and is trying to change that.
However her PIG husband aswell as half the world wants to add there two cents in every time she opens her mouth because she isn't what is the most desirable trend right now which we are back to stick thin I believe we have done full circle now.

OP truthfully it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks just you. Treat you right and love yourself and genuinely if another person cannot accept this then, see you later. because you have too much self worth and self respect to let anyone make you feel like this. Now is your turning point you are a mother you need to thank your body for every bit of hard work it has gone through growing and birthing your children. You need to embrace it and instill this in your children so they don't grow up like prochoice here and have a miserable existance because they are terrified about gaining weight.

I have been a hell of a lot bigger than you and when I embraced my body and truly accepted myself my mentality changed and I wanted to get healthy just for me and my kid. And being this way I met my partner and he makes me feel sexy at any size. I'm sorry you don't have this support but you should do and I hope you find it but you won't ever get that security with this shallow man you just won't. You will turn in to no butter Betty and she can't be having much fun.

I lost 6 stone and it’s my daily breakfast. The good fats from half avacado balance hormones and give satiety as does the protein from the egg. The carbs from half a slice of gf toast are minimal and total calories likely equal the same as buttered carbs but if a different composition and will Leo her fuller for longer. Again I’ve done it so I know

I’m not miserable I’m literally the happiest most motivated person I know and I’m giving her advice as I was a size 18 myself once

What the actual.....

Are you for real

If I were you, the only thing I'd be exercising is my right to divorce.

Anyone else getting Marjory Dawes vibes?

I’m not miserable I’m literally the happiest most motivated person I know

Is that why you're calling posters on a forum whom you don't know and can't see "The Fat Club"

And it’s done absolutely nothing for your self esteem as you keep on repeating it. Lots of us have lost weight and we realise lecturing someone who didn’t ask for advice doesn’t actually work. Funny that.

He is a horrible controlling person. No thank you!