Wwyd? Partner is obsessed with me exercising.

[Talktalk33]

I have been with my partner 13 years and we have 2 children under 6. He has always had comment about my weight/fitness levels, but it has started to really affect my confidence and self esteem.

Obviously I’m not as thin as I was when we met and now in 16/18 clothes where I was in 12/14 when we met. He tells me weekly I need to do exercise, that I need to join a gym or do a workout at home.
I work from home in a desk based role so have started walking a mile a day before I start work to try and get some steps in, he asks me everyday if I’ve been on my walk and doesn’t speak to me or gets annoyed with me if I don’t go that day.

I was supposed to go swimming but forgot my bank card and had to come home and he didn’t speak to me for 2 days as he was “disappointed I didn’t exercise this week”. he asks me when I’m going to go to the gym or do a workout at the start of the week and if there’s not time in the week (ie work commitments/afterschool clubs etc) it ends in arguments.

We eat healthily as a family and I do most of the cooking from scratch, but he has started to be more restrictive with “treats”,(for the most part he will do the food shop on the way home from work) for example, he will no longer buy crisps or snacks and refuses to buy bacon for bacon sandwiches which we used to have on a Sunday morning as a family tradition. He will also judge if I have too much butter on toast for breakfast so I have taken to eating when he’s gone to work.

I have tried to explain how him pushing me to exercise is making me feel but he gets very defensive and says it’s because he wants me to be healthy for the children. He says I can’t keep up with them or run after them and he doesn’t want me to end up “massive” (his words not mine).

I struggled with ppd after our 2nd child and occasionally have bouts of depression and he says it’s due to my lack of going to the gym/exercising, but I feel his constant judgement about it is making things worse.

How do I make him understand I don’t particularly enjoy the gym? Or is he right and I should be working out more?

Sounds like you’re very healthy and you boyfriend is very unpleasant.
Would he go to couples counselling, (if you don’t want to chuck him straight away)?
I would be spending as little time as possible with this abusive person. What if you went for long walks as soon as he came home?

Also, him not getting treats, sod that. Get it delivered or buy them yourself.

This is no doubt having a knock on effect on your kids. I wouldn’t want my children, girls or boys, to think this is an acceptable way to treat your wife.

Yeah size 16-18 sounds "very healthy" 🙄

Tell him to fuck off and mean it. If he can’t change his attitude dramatically overnight, then he knows where the door is and he should exit swiftly through it.

I dated a guy years ago who had issues with me eating food (and this was when I was incredibly slim, well before kids). Used to take chocolate off me and make us go on a huge walk before he’d “allow” me to eat my packet of Munchies (the packs with about 10 munchies in might I add, not a share/£1 bag).

All this guy is going to do is cause you to have an eating disorder if this continues. It sounds dramatic but the daily chipping away at you over the same topic is so damaging mentally.

You need to knock this on the head. He either fucks up and doesn’t mention exercise/food to you again, or he fucks off.

You really don’t get it …are you really that stupid or are you deliberately being obtuse ?

So op; I think this fixation/obsession reflects his character and that is the issue.

He may want you to lose a bit of weight and keep it off for a no of reasons (attraction, status, health etc) but the way he's pursued it is controlling and increasingly abusive.

That's a reflection of his character.

I'm sorry to say ppl don't often change their character.

It's also somewhat unreasonable to expect a woman who's gone up one size or so, while growing, birthing, looking after and recovering from (including suffering from pnd) two of your children, who are still very young.

It might be more reasonable to expect someone to focus on exercise and lose a bit of weight when the parenting burden - which tends to fall in women - is not so high.

So he's unreasonable, and his approach to getting something he wants/getting you to do what he wants is bullying, controling and pretty abusive.

I don't know how you shag him with the way he goes on tbh.

Exactly and ‘get treats delivered’ ridiculous advice!!!!!! Let’s make her even fatter?!?! How about we encourage healthy sustainable eating and movement and get this women a healthy size and strong in the mind and to a point where she doesn’t want him there then as she’s so damn strong?!!! Eating sweets and butter won’t do that.

No I get it as I’ve lived it hence giving advise as been there and left there and never going back there. She doesn’t need sympathy she needs action

jeez, it wasn't advice just stating the obvious and how i would feel.

Human nature is like that. No one likes to be told how, when and what to do when not asked.

Op is doing what she can at the mo. and there is no perfect diet in the world.

Exactly but she has choices and many have been there and are living proof she can lose it, let’s get behind her transformation to shed that excess weight and that man

Sounds absolutely vile. If my husband even dared he’d be cooking his own meals - in his own house away from me!

Eating butter and barely moving is not doing everything she can

Haven't RTFT but exercise doesn't lead to weight loss anyway for about 80% of the population (think I read somewhere that 20% do have a gene that means it can work). For most people, your metabolism just slows down when you're not exercising and you end up burning off the same amount. They did a study of a tribe in Africa who are extremely active and found they didn't actually burn off any more calories than sedentary westerners. Also they've done studies where they've got overweight people to run marathons having not done much exercise up to that point. They didn't lose any weight. Read Gary Taubes or a book called Burn by Herman Pontzer. But agree you probably need to fix or end your relationship if your man is on at you about this.

Look I did it and look and feel so much better for it. Lost 6 stone and changed my life. Happy to help but you have to get real with yourself x

That’s an intelligent and unhelpful comment from I’m guessing someone who hasn’t lost 6 stone like I have.

Please go away!

He is not the boss of you. He has no right to dictate what you do. He has no right to place these demands on you and then argue/sulk/strop when you haven't done as you are told. His behaviour is making your life a misery and destroying your self esteem.

In your shoes I'd be telling him to fuck off.

Then you go give her sone advice to lose the weight and dump her useless guy ….

But if she follows your advice, and it works, her abusive husband will no longer be abusive (unless he focuses on something else) and she may not get rid of him. She has two young kids, very difficult for anyone to leave esp if he acts nice because he got his way.

Why lose weight then ditch husband. Why not the reverse.

Yep…she is on a mission tonight😳

Why are putting up with this shit op? Seriously. He doesn’t care about you.

Because the reverse would mean she stays fat unhealthy and married to an idiot. She can cope alone without him and be the best version of herself. How amazing would that be!