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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names

398 replies

Toryjane · 06/03/2023 15:41

My husband does our online banking ,he was away last week and we had an issue with our bank so I logged in. I have found lots of withdrawals ,I know nothing off & they mostly have single girls names beside them ! Does anyone have any idea what they are ,my mind is racing thinking my husband has been cheating .I can’t find anything online ,I’ve posted a few examples but there at least 10 other girls names showing similar withdrawals .he already says I’m paranoid but I have caught him on dating sites ,messaging escorts in the past .I thought this behaviour was behind until I found these .

Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
OP posts:
userxx · 06/03/2023 20:28

What a cheeky fucker he is, blatant!

SeatonCarew · 06/03/2023 20:29

Ramunea · 06/03/2023 19:13

Either a cam girl, a prostitute or a SUGAR BABY

Yes.

aviatorsrus · 06/03/2023 20:41

He is obviously using a working girl of some sort. He is emotionally involved through drink or drugs.
Whatever they are doing, he is consenting coz he thinks that's it for him.
OP I suggest that you really either put a STOP on his card if you can. He will come back or Just plain confronting him after having planned your exit route.
Either way 😥

GrinAndVomit · 06/03/2023 20:45

Definitely clear the account into your account and then tell your husband there has been suspicious payments.
I hope he’s honest with you.
Thats a lot of family money to blow on women he doesn’t even know.

WindowGazers · 06/03/2023 20:46

If it is a joint account you can freeze it without his permission. I'd be doing this.

AdultAdmin · 06/03/2023 21:00

I'd say this is either a pay pig or someone who's ordering bespoke videos.

Usually a payment has the name of the site its being paid to (Visa and Mastercard insist on this). It won't be an Amazon wish list payment - that would go direct to Amazon and they just post the item to the third party address. I also don't think a pimp would be involved here - most of the online sex workers get their money directly to themselves, and most online adult subscription sites won't allow prostitution or meet ups because it's against the rules for card providers. No one wants to lose their card facilities!

However many girls also have instagram and will take payments direct.
They do this because websites take a percentage, but via Instagram or one of the many, many other 'free' adult sites they get to keep all the money.

Is this a joint account? If it is just ring the bank and ask them who the payment has gone to. They should tell you, then at least you know where you stand.

Maid2work · 06/03/2023 21:12

PinkyFlamingo · 06/03/2023 20:26

These transactions were last May! Nearly £1000 in one day to Maria, I guess you fint really know how much he earns if you didnt notice all this money going. Is it still going on currently?

I'm afraid it has been going on much longer than last May. The first date I can see it June 2021 so nearly 2 years.

Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
MojoJoejoe · 06/03/2023 21:28

Babybab · 06/03/2023 19:33

The amounts look more like cam work than escort/prostitution. However it’s unusual to send money directly to the women, and to have the bank name as a business in their stage name. Usually the payment would go to the hosting service and they take the cut and distribute to the women. Several of the cam sites also take payment in cypto, which given he deals in that - you’d think he’d use.

Also for those saying Prostitutes may have a legitimate business account. It’s possible, if they’re thinking about buying a house etc but it’s highly unlikely you’d find that many women who all had their own legit businesses set up in that way. It is better for them, and the punter to take payment in cash. And business dealings with bacs would only ever really be via a wider parent company, that would show differently and not have lots of different names for each girl.

Something doesn’t add up. Sex sites are the obvious answer but it just doesn’t ring right. I’d call the bank if he doesn’t give you a clear answer.

you can ask them for their number on cam. Duh

username1722 · 06/03/2023 21:35

Given the backstory you have provided, it doesn't look great....

All you can do is confront him and determine whether or not you believe a single thing he says.

Nn9011 · 06/03/2023 21:38

Without being outing on what I do for work, I would suspect that these are either escorts or women he is meeting online and believing he's in a relationship with who are then asking him to send them money. If you look at your payees, you should be able to see the accounts they've gone into. Google the sort code and they'll probably be online accounts or places like wise who have low thresholds for setting up accounts.

I'm very sorry

Bingoisthebestnotbluey · 06/03/2023 21:42

So sorry, op, it’s really hard to like men these days.
Are you ok?

cosmicbabe · 06/03/2023 21:43

Whatever it is for it looks like a total waste of money....

GarlicGrace · 06/03/2023 21:44

Thanks, Mumsnet, for introducing me to the world of paypigs! Always an education 😮As a result of my Google image search for "findom paypig", I've now seen screen after screen of statements just like the ones you posted, @Toryjane. Mostly from the women receiving payments, but you can easily see that they're getting constant streams of small payments from the same person.

The weirdnesses of men continue to surprise me, and I'm pretty jaded!

You don't really sound like his type, OP. Have you tried imperiously telling him he's a piece of snivelling shit (he is, imo) and ordering him to pay you £100,000 immediately? Then tell him it's a good effort but he isn't sorry enough so must pay again ... you get the picture.

Alternatively, follow the good advice here and transfer all the money to a solo account of your own, tackle him on his 'hobby' and start a divorce.
Good luck.

TheGander · 06/03/2023 22:12

Poor OP, this is so humiliating. I get that it’s not easy with 3 kids and him being main (only?) breadwinner, but do you want to stay with someone who is lying and being unfaithful and has some kind of addiction to sex workers ( if this is what it is, which most opinions point towards)? If you decide enough is enough the best option is probably to gather all your evidence, take screenshots etc then see a solicitor re divorce before letting in that you know.

Led9519 · 06/03/2023 22:25

Hope you’re ok OP. Obviously something up here. I’d transfer most of the money out to you own account then phone the bank, ask about the transactions and freeze the cards.

Jenasaurus · 06/03/2023 22:26

Have you got a birthday coming up or some event? Its just one of those names links to an entrepreneur who is a designer, it could be that he has spent a lot on their designs, just saying it may be innocent, I hope so

Maid2work · 06/03/2023 22:33

Jenasaurus · 06/03/2023 22:26

Have you got a birthday coming up or some event? Its just one of those names links to an entrepreneur who is a designer, it could be that he has spent a lot on their designs, just saying it may be innocent, I hope so

I would love this to be the case for OP but these payments have been going out for nearly 2 years!

justasking111 · 06/03/2023 22:35

My ocard was cloned once back in the days before online thing to do banking. £3.5k spent before I found out. The card was cloned getting petrol at a garage.

So whatever suspicions anyone has the first thing to do is report to the bank.

ThereIbledit · 06/03/2023 22:37

I'm sorry. This is very clearly Cam girls/Only Fans/premium porn services.

What explanation does he give? Apart from telling you it's none of your business (🙄)

GoAgainstNicki · 06/03/2023 22:55

No idea but Maria is getting the best deal.

🤣

2021mumma · 06/03/2023 23:10

Only fans?

a1poshpaws · 06/03/2023 23:11

@WFHbore2023

What's a pay pig?🤔

Fishingintheyemen · 06/03/2023 23:22

Don't think it's prostitues.. more likely to be a cam model or online model. Plenty of these girls do financial domination and ask for money via bank transfer, either for custom content ie pics or just demanding money and the paypig gets off on it, or could be he's convinced himself he's in love with her. Could be shes a online dominatrix, demanding cash. There's a whole area of that online world where homewrecking is a fetish, where the paypig is encouraged to send from a joint account, simply google findom and homewrecking, its grim but its quite popular sadly.. the whole 'hotter than your wife' tags they use, its awful but its pretty standard with online fetish domination, and my guess is it could be either of the above. It could also be that he gets off on risk and having a cam model or fetish model extort money from him, thats a whole other scenario too, guys giving the dominatrix his wifes name or incriminating photos to hold over him. Or could just be paying her to get off like a paypig. Its all pretty grim really!

Notimeforaname · 06/03/2023 23:46

What's a pay pig?
isnt it men who get off on women using them for money?

Hawkins003 · 06/03/2023 23:50

Is Chatterbate, for cam women a possibility ?