Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did I do something wrong?

100 replies

Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 22:35

We have a corner sofa, tonight my partner was sitting in the corner of it for about 30 mins. He got up from that certain spot and went and got a packet of crisps, ate them in the kitchen, then went outside and had a smoke and sat out there for about 30 mins on his phone. I ordered us food that HE ASKED for, I was just peckish and would have settled for abit of toast but he wanted it so I bought it to him for a treat, the food came while he was outside I brought it in, opened up the pizza etc, got out forks etc and made my way over to the sofa and sat in the corner of the sofa (where he was previously sitting at least half an hour prior) he came in and he went absolutely mad because I was sitting there and said that I'm doing it to be a dickhead towards him and and started calling me names and really shouting at me, he then said I'm a wanker because I didn't get up and move to a different part whenever he pointed it out to me. He then told me to stick my takeaway up my arse and said fuck you and took himself off to bed. I'm still processing here what happened as I sit alone downstairs eating on my own. If I'm wrong I'll completely hold my hands up, what's your opinion?

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 05/03/2023 22:36

He sounds like an abusive arsehole.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 05/03/2023 22:37

I don't think you are in the wrong in the slightest. Is he always like that? I take it you guys don't have 'his' and 'her' seats on the sofa where you always sit?

Joopy · 05/03/2023 22:38

You did nothing wrong, does he often act like this?

BounceyB · 05/03/2023 22:38

No, you're not wrong. He was a real dickhead for shouting. Is it something he has form for doing?

FrazzledHippy · 05/03/2023 22:38

Wtf have I just read? OP you are not in the wrong. You sat on the sofa... We've two sofas in our lounge, one of them is where me and my DD sit 90% of the time. If DH was sat in "my" place, I'd ask him politely to move if I was really bothered about sitting there.

Your DP is batshit and you're probably better off without this kind of lunatic in your life.

OliveToboogie · 05/03/2023 22:39

Appalling behaviour on his part. I would finish it. He has zero respect for you and sounds a horrible abusive knob.

Original poster
Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 22:39

FishChipsMushyPeas · 05/03/2023 22:37

I don't think you are in the wrong in the slightest. Is he always like that? I take it you guys don't have 'his' and 'her' seats on the sofa where you always sit?

Hi, no we have don't have his or her sides we chop and change all the time. this is why I was so confused because I just set myself down randomly.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 05/03/2023 22:40

This is completely bizarre.

Ofcourseshecan · 05/03/2023 22:42

Yanbu and he is bvvu. I wonder what he was doing on the phone - something that enraged him? Whatever, it’s no excuse for treating you like that.

Dotcheck · 05/03/2023 22:43

In my house, we all have our spot, so it would be like 😲if someone else sat there.
However, we would make a joke and move on.
He was being incredibly abusive.

Original poster
Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 22:43

Joopy · 05/03/2023 22:38

You did nothing wrong, does he often act like this?

Recently, yes. To me it's very petty to argue over a spot on the sofa, i would never dream of asking him to move. i asked him what the problem was and why is it such a big deal he said me being a dock head is the problem. Honestly I didn't go out of my way to upset anyone I literally just sat down without thinking and was ready to chill and watch a movie together.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 05/03/2023 22:43

Does he take drugs?

minou123 · 05/03/2023 22:45

His reaction to you sitting in the corner should have been either:

a) shrug his shoulders, sit somewhere else, eat the food
b) ask nicely if he could have the corner back as he likes sitting there

As his reaction does not fall into either a or b, he therefore loses any respect, politeness or civility from you.

No-one, absolutely no-one should be speaking to yiu like this.

Original poster
Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 22:45

Coyoacan · 05/03/2023 22:43

Does he take drugs?

He would "smoke". I personally am not a drug user.

OP posts:
Return2thebasic · 05/03/2023 22:46

Obviously something else is going on. More than about the spot on sofa...

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 22:47

sounds like his other woman just dumped him

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 22:48

Unless he comes up with a sincerer heartfelt apology and a reason, then he would be out the door for this

and after the sincere apology and the reason, if he ever did this again, he would be out of the door.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 22:49

enjoy your take away OP

PigeonPlayingChicken · 05/03/2023 22:49

What was he smoking?

Original poster
Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 22:52

Return2thebasic · 05/03/2023 22:46

Obviously something else is going on. More than about the spot on sofa...

I'm thinking this. Like we've had a normal day, no arguments, got along fine, I thought it was nice he was going to spend some time to relax with me after the DC went to bed but then he came in like that. I'm finding it really hard to make sense of it.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 05/03/2023 22:53

Wtf have i just read?! Why are you dating someone that uses language like that towards you? Calling you names is not something you just brush under the carpet.

Let alone the fact that he's clearly a lunatic.

He abusive. Get rid. Like, yesterday.

Pinkbonbon · 05/03/2023 22:56

Oh gosh, you have kids too?
He needs to go asap op.

What was your childhood/past relationships like that you think its the norm to be with anyone who talks to you the way he does?

Get him gone before your kids repeat the same cycle of thinking dating abusive men is normal.

Valkyrie87 · 05/03/2023 23:01

i can’t believe it hon, what a jerk, it does leave you in disbelief doesn’t it, tbh I initially came on here for the first time to talk about similar behaviour with my other half….having seriously doubts

Original poster
Mommycool24 · 05/03/2023 23:07

Valkyrie87 · 05/03/2023 23:01

i can’t believe it hon, what a jerk, it does leave you in disbelief doesn’t it, tbh I initially came on here for the first time to talk about similar behaviour with my other half….having seriously doubts

Yes I'm literally sitting here scratching my head wondering what the heck went on just there now. I'm on the same boat as you, it's not the first time and I'm sure it's not the last he'll behave like that. I'm have huge doubts myself, I know what I have to do but I don't know why I'm not doing it. I'm in a strange place...

OP posts:
Valkyrie87 · 05/03/2023 23:11

Aw hon I’m exactly the same, how many kids have you got together, I have a 9 week old baby and we’ve “scuffled” twice now, 4 weeks after baby was born it happened first time, grabbing my phone cos he was screaming in my face cos I said I have to call the police, my hair got caught and pulled at my extensions out so I have a small bald patch on side of head now and my hand got scratched by accident during the scuffle and it bled, had another incident tonight, it’s embarrassing how small and trivial it was and how he behaved