I don't think I will ever meet someone

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this, but it's something which has been on my mind for a while and I guess I need to talk about how I'm feeling more than anything.

I'm 47 and have an 8 year told who I love to pieces.

I was in a relationship for 15 years with someone until I was 33, made lots of dating mistakes after that as I didn't have a clue how to date. Met the father of my child who I fell head over love with but he had a ton of issues and left me when I was pregnant. Luckily I have a huge support network of family and friends, and I'm very resilient so I got through it.

I have a good job, a lovely house which I own and generally pretty lucky to be in the situation I'm in.

I have wonderful friends who are incredibly supportive and the majority of the time I don't ever feel lonely.

But this is the issue, I've been single for the whole time I've been a mother.

I am incredibly independent and i'm just so bored of internet dating. I make virtually no effort despite men trying to chat to me and wanting to meet up. It just seems like so much effort. Plus my parents are older so I can't expect them to babysit for me constantly and I wouldn't want that anyway. I'd hate for my daughter to constantly be shipped over night to other peoples houses so I could go on a date.

The majority of the time I love my life, not having to think about another person - I can do as I please. But there are times like tonight I just miss being in a relationship. But I just can't see how I can make it work with my situation.

I work full time and I'm a full time parent 🤷‍♀️ I look at my friends who are happily in relationships and I can't help but feel sad, that me and my daughter don't have that. I feel sometimes that I've let her down, that's she doesn't have a dad. But he is so full of issues we are much better on our own.

I think I've almost accepted that this is it for me, who would want a 47 year old when there are lots of young 30 year olds. I don't consider myself to be unattractive, I look after myself and look younger than my age but this is still the reality of my situation. There are much younger women out there.

Hi OP - you sound in the same position as me - good job and nice house but nobody to share either with. I’m happy with that most of the time but sometimes would be nice to be with someone! Not all blokes want a 30 year old either! I’m sure there is plenty of life In you and it depends who you are looking for also of course. Life and dating is certainly not over at 47!

I feel like it! Someone once said to me ages ago that by the time you reach 50 then it's all over 😆 he wasn't aiming it at me, but it stuck with me. I know you hear of people meeting later in life, but it's not so easy especially if you have children and the sole parent.

I absolutely love my DD, she is my priority and always will be. I think I have purpose l stayed single is so I wouldn't have to share my time with another person, I didn't want to miss out of on the valuable first years, and tbh I still don't want to miss out time with her. Dating requires effort which I don't put in!

This is why I'll be single forever and it's my own fault. Plus I find it hard meeting men online when I can't feel chemistry. I just find it all so boring.

I’m 51. It’s all over for me then 😄

As bless! I hope not, prove me wrong 😆

It’s hard when the kids are young. I didn’t date for 12yrs as my kids were young and I didn’t have a babysitter. Now they are teens / one off to Uni I’m dating - someone who is a full time dad so we can hardly see each other! Can’t make it up!

I'm 58 with a divorce behind me and a subsequent failed relationship after that. I'm not too bothered if I'm honest. I've got my kids and got my grand kids - if you want it it's out there. I don't so I sit back. You do - so go for it.

I’m trying! Go out a lot and on holidays a fair bit. Always seem to end up subsiding, which is fine sometimes but wears thin sometimes also. Aware e dry one in different situations though. Anyway, you’re still young so don’t write yourself off

Same here. I'm 41. I've tried online dating and I hate it. Got plenty of interests, but none of my friends share them. So do most things on my own.

At least some of you have kids. I don't.

Well it sounds like you need to give this a little more thought because you’ve talked about not being arsed to date (even though you do get attention) to then not feeling like you can date logistically to then saying you’re probably too old to meet anyone (but you do get approached).

What is actually holding you back? It sounds like you could meet someone, that you have a lot to give. Logistically it might be a little more difficult as DD is with you full time but it wouldn’t be impossible and it will certainly get easier as she enters her teen years.

I don’t think it’s too late, you sound like a catch. Do you actually want it though, because if you do then you have to take action. Even if that is only being able to go on the occasional date just to “get out there” for now.

If you don’t change anything, then nothing will change. You have to be the catalyst - if you really want to, that’s the crux!

Me too lol!

I was 46-47 when I met my partner.

My kids were a bit older, it does get easier when they can stay home on their own for an evening.

If you want to meet people face to face my best advice is to meet lots of other parents, either in an activity your DD does or one aimed at similarly aged adults (that's family friendly so you can bring DD). Sport, hobby, school board, scouting, etc. etc, the more people you come into contact with the better. While connecting with other women can also be very rewarding, look for something that is likely to draw in fathers.

Was reading an article the other day that skiing holidays are a great way to meet people, you have time to get to know people over a few days in a non pressure sort of way. I think this could be true of other sports or hobbies too.

Op, I do feel the same. I'm 42 and it's slim pickings. And the men who are divorced are divorced for a reason!

Thanks, talking about this is really helping 😊

I think it's a few main reasons, and it all down to me 😂

1. I always question why someone is single, like someone mentioned early - if they are divorced then they are divorced for a reason! But then I guess people could ask why I'm single too. But my reasons are because I have actively chosen to remain single to being up my child.

1. The logistics of dating/investing in a relationship which may not go anywhere puts me off.

1. I'm busy and enjoy my life 90% of the time, it's the 10% normally in the weekends where I think I'd like to be with someone.

I realise this sounds all conflicting and like I don't know what I want. I do want a relationship, but I just see hard work which I don't have time to do if that makes sense.

The last guy I chatted too wanted to talk to me all the time which I found annoying. I don't have time for it, in the end her just moved on which was fine. I need someone who is equally busy and understands my life.

but I just see hard work which I don't have time to do if that makes sense

No - it doesn't make sense. If you want something - you go for it. If you don't want it - you don't bother.

Why all the angst?

Because I think it will go wrong I think 😬

hi OP, I'm in the same situation as a LP. I have no family support locally either and single since I had my now 10y/o DD. No break from childcare so dating is impossible anyway! I did give it a go with online dating, which was shite. I am refocussing on my own life, hobbies, self improvement, creative business etc.

I realise that this time in my life it is not suited to a relationship - due to having a young child etc. But hopefully once my DD is a few years older (maybe 3 - 5 years) I will have a little bit more time and may find a relationship easier to cultivate. Hell, I don't even have a social life really let alone a relationship!

I also believe if one is meant to happen, it will happen naturally and will work out despite my situation. In the meantime I am happy to work on myself and my interests and look after my DD.

Maybe you need to make peace with being single at least in the medium term until your DC are a bit older?

Also, the kind of men that only want younger women, you don't want to be with one of them anyway! The right partner won't care about age, but will want to be with you because of who you are, not because you're 10 years younger or whatever.

There is a True Soulmate for everyone.

You just have to start working on your confidence, positive thinking, high self-esteem, and self-belief, and sooner or later you will meet your match.

Forget about your age, start feeling 10 years younger, and start dating.

1. Friends might help with babysitting.

2. A short date for 2-3-4 hours - a childminder can help too.

To start feeling 10 years younger:

Get into good physical shape, your best body, the best version of yourself.

Work on your PIES

Physical
Intellectual
Emotional
Spiritual Development

Be happy with yourself, and the way you look and feel and you will meet, and attract your Mr. Right for sure.

I'm a solo parent by choice (I had my son using a sperm donor) in my late 30s. I wanted a child more than a relationship so I focused my energies on that.

It's tough when you don't have free childcare but then even if I had it (on the weekends), would I want to be spending my weekends going on dates? This is what I used to do before having a child and it made me really miserable. It's ok to feel whatever you feel in that moment, day etc. and sometimes we just need to prioritise some things in our life more than others for some time. I think it's difficult to be emotionally available for dating when you're 100% responsible for a child. And then there's the question of what would be the purpose of this "relationship"? In my case, I don't want to be blending families, getting married or intertwining finances.... which is all I'd wanted before having my child....I think as other ops have echoed, once your daughter is more independent and doesn't require as much active parenting, there could be more headspace for dating.

She shares her home with a child, it's not the same situation as you (unless you also have children)?

Have you considered the donor route?