DP googling how to fix my boobs

[Speechlass]

Just looked on the history of our shared computer for something related to my work, and saw some websites my DP has searched/clicked on.

These include:
•How will my body change after breastfeeding
•Tips to reshape your breasts after breastfeeding
•And how to fix saggy breasts
•"How to make breasts go back to normal after weaning" (a direct search)

I've stated insecurities about this before whilst breastfeeding our three DC, but not recently. He has made insensitive comments before but generally, tries to compliment me and tell me I look great. Just a bit shocked to discover this.

Should I mention this? Genuinely not sure if I'm overreacting since I have mentioned being unhappy with my breasts before. But also feeling very WTF

And I know to stfu

To expand on that .... Male porn actors generally have way above average sized dicks. When you watch quite a bit of porn you actually find regular men's dicks look small to you.

I am well aware why that is happening (in my mind) and that male porn actors are chosen for dicks at the largest end of the spectrum (among other things like overall looks, ability to perform on camera etc). Female porn actors are also chosen for looks, often have breast implants, and if they have kids they are unlikely to breast feed. If they do, and it affects the aesthetic look much, they are likely to get any surgery available to correct them. Because they are porn actors. They live on their appearance and ability to perform sex acts on camera in the wait that olympic cyclists live on their leg muscles and fitness and stamina. Conditioned/shaped by a purpose/employment.

I do not project porn standards into ordinary, non porn actor people because they are not. Simple.
Yet your husband "can't" grasp that.

*in the way that olympic cyclists live on their leg muscles and fitness and stamina. Conditioned/shaped by a purpose/employment

Sorry OP, he's not gonna stop

Maybe. I think it's more realistic to 'try' than make exaggerated promises that fail like previously. He said he's keeping a log and blocked the sites. I haven't checked it, I can only hope it has stopped.

Thank you for your response @TicketBoo23, if ever it is part of a relationship, it has to be as you describe.

But tbh the ethical issues too...

Anyway, thanks for the posts all.

He is keeping a log of the porn he watches? I’m sorry but this guy is laughing in your face. You have three young children. Are you telling me he has nothing more productive to do that keep a wanking journal and google how to fix my partner’s tits??? He sounds supremely immature. What are you getting out of this relationship?

So disrespectful and immature.

I suggest you start googling ''divorce lawyers''.

Yes that was aimed at WhisperGold 😆 saying it's all no big deal. I'm with you OP.

Yes when we're married or in a relationship.. We all have to try our best to fix when there is still so much good, we can all give second chances.
But if a behaviour is continual, and leads us to feeling shit about ourselves.. that doesn't go away.. then yes of course you can leave! I left. I'm alone with my kids half the time and have no shit male behaviour to put up with.

@Speechlass just a thought, but if he's trying to quit porn, you could look at installing OpenDNS and ensuring that you're the only one with admin access. That can block all porn sites and it logs where people go and attempt to go.

I'm not saying this to keep an eye on him, but to help him, as porn can be addictive and he might appreciate the help. X

I would not have married or had a child with any man that watches porn, and especially not one that is so thick and stupid that he doesn’t have the sense to know they are actors paid because they have such youthful or enhanced bodies and his wife is a real human being.

If my dh developed a fixation with porn after marriage I would leave without question, yes. Why? Because it would be very damaging to me as a person being objectified and compared. It would be very damaging to our relationship as he is likely to lose interest in ‘real’ intimacy and develop erectile dysfunction which is extremely common. I would see him as a terrible role model and father with so little respect for women and girls. Does he know many of the women he watches are trafficked and abused? Both his general and emotional intelligence levels must be pitiful.

So yes I would absolutely divorce him without question. The next thing will be cam girls op and it’s a sliding scale from there.

I would detest a man like your dh, and could not bring myself to even look at him, much less live with him. He would repulse me. I wish you luck, and I hope you rediscover your self worth in counselling and your confidence.

Dear me! The bar is low low low.

Sadly yes. Bottoming out.

@Blessedwithsunshine Love your firm boundaries and self respect, I wish more women were like this. Then men might learn.

What fresh hell is this? Mummy is in charge of the key to the big porn tits and you can't see them because you've been a bad boy? Not a marriage dynamic I'd be interested in being in.

She didn't cause the issue, she doesn't have to jump through hoops to fix it. It's squarely at DP's door.

Absolutely no way that OP should have to be taking these jailkeeper measures, and if this is an addicition of any kind then this wouldn't stop it. Addiciton is sneaky and very determined, and being partnered with one is the most frustrating and exhausting thing.

I have nothing to usefull to add, but I just wanted to say how happy I’m reading that there are women who don’t accept porn in their relationship and stand behind that boundary.

So often, not all, but for most part everywhere, MN including, women are just told to shut up and not be ’prudes’ and learn to be okey with porn.
And then fear mongering of not ever finding a man who doesn’t watch it. Or lie about it.

So, this is a refreshing turn, I have to say!

@QueefQueen80s thank you, awkward misunderstanding earlier😅

Thanks for the suggestion x

He’s not being helpful. He’s made precious insensitive comments about your boobs so he clearly has an issue with them. He sounds like a twat. Sorry OP.

Previous rather

@Blessedwithsunshine thanks for the
post. I don't think it's that easy to leave without going into all the financial and practical details, nevermind emotional, but your post is very true.

Very aware of the issues you've described and more- and some things have definitely improved. The Google search last fortnight has rehashed these issues and work is still needed. I think it should at least be attempted. It may even give me the tools needed to spectate if that's the right path.

He's a wanker

Not sure if anybody's still around but thought I'd provide an update in case anyone is interested.

DP is staying away at his brother's.

Last night there was a heated phone call with lots of denial. I was even called 'paranoid and possessive' for bringing this up.

This morning, we had a conversation over text and was very surprised to have a very honest apology. He has admitted it's wrong to have blamed me and called me 'insecure' for taking issue, apologised for criticising my appearance, lying and betraying my trust, trying to fix me and wanking to women who are the total opposite of me.

He has brought up couples therapy (already scheduled) and suggested individual to get over this - seemingly irreconcilable - problem.

By no mean is this resolved, it will take a lot of time and work to put this to bed.

(For the very last time, promise!) thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to my thread and support me. I have read all the replies and I really am grateful.

God your standards OP are so low. A text convo and a text apology. Not good enough. His brother has told him to get on the phone to you and apologise. Anyone can get on a phone and type anything, it’s never been easier to lie through your teeth, he doesn’t even have to put effort in to making you believe him. Sorry still think you are flogging a dead horse, but maybe therapy will help you come to terms with that. Therapy can’t change someone’s personality. Why is he staying at his brother’s? His choice?

God your standards OP are so low.

You need to go to tact school.

Like op needs that when she's in an LTR with this bloke, with 3 small kids involved.

While the subject of pork is very contentious it's also worth saying that the majority of men, and some women, do use it. And their partners tolerate it or torn a blind eye.

The being caught googling how to "fix" her boobs is something else. Maybe it's been more likely to happen because he watches porn,maybe it would have happened anyway.

He's immature, superficial, unrealistic, and seems to think his partner should be a sex doll as well as a mother, person, partner etc.

He didn't intend to get caught of course.

His knee jerk reaction to getting caught and called out on it was the DARVO accusatory bullshit. Doesn't reflect well on him either.

The apology is either genuine... Who knows ... Or motivated by getting back into the house and reconciling.

Op is is an unenviable position (and not as straight forward as "he cheated" , "he's regularly verbally abusive" etc. There are plenty of women who take a while to leave cheaters, for example or never do.

She doesn't need comments like yours.

Porn, not pork lol