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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP googling how to fix my boobs

162 replies

Speechlass · 21/02/2023 19:14

Just looked on the history of our shared computer for something related to my work, and saw some websites my DP has searched/clicked on.

These include:
•How will my body change after breastfeeding
•Tips to reshape your breasts after breastfeeding
•And how to fix saggy breasts
•"How to make breasts go back to normal after weaning" (a direct search)

I've stated insecurities about this before whilst breastfeeding our three DC, but not recently. He has made insensitive comments before but generally, tries to compliment me and tell me I look great. Just a bit shocked to discover this.

Should I mention this? Genuinely not sure if I'm overreacting since I have mentioned being unhappy with my breasts before. But also feeling very WTF

OP posts:
Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 11:33

You need to be getting your affairs in order, sorry to say but it wouldn't suprise me if this is followed by cheating, he's obviously got issues that he needs to work on but nothing is going to get better unless he actually works on them.

Do you earn you own money, have enough to set yourself/kids up if you had to leave, family for support, childcare in place for the children etc etc, better to be prepared, even if its just incase.

WhisperGold · 22/02/2023 11:33

He has preference for big boobs, did a private Google search on fixing boobs after breastfeeding. After you pressed him he expressed that preference. He watches porn but agreed not to when you challenged him. Sounds like a monster. LTB!

QueefQueen80s · 22/02/2023 11:58

WhisperGold · 22/02/2023 11:33

He has preference for big boobs, did a private Google search on fixing boobs after breastfeeding. After you pressed him he expressed that preference. He watches porn but agreed not to when you challenged him. Sounds like a monster. LTB!

Spot the man/woman with low standards..

WhisperGold · 22/02/2023 12:05

I felt that some of the comments were OTT. Still do.

RedDogBlueDog · 22/02/2023 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 12:27

OP here’s what it boils down to. The man doesn’t respect you and puts his wants first. You have several children. He hasn’t spent his time googling weddings or making plans to give you and the children the security of marriage or Googling how to get a mortgage or even how to get a better job. He is googling how to get the mother of my children to look like a woman from porn. That’s his priority over you and the children. Please don’t waste your life on a man who offers you nothing but believes you need to be fixed.

bigbazooka · 22/02/2023 12:31

I can't believe some of the comments on here 😂😂
Thank God for the sane ones.
I very much doubt OP's husband is trying to "help" her in any way!

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 12:35

Some posters on here have standards in the gutter. No one, but surely no one is thick enough to believe this twat’s actions were entirely philanthropic?!

He’s a horrible twat who’s watched so much porn he actually expects women’s bodies to have bouncing pneumatic tits, and is now totally turned off by his wife’s human body because she had the audacity to birth and breastfeed his children…

Yeah, I personally do think she should leave the nasty, shallow bastard.

QueefQueen80s · 22/02/2023 12:58

WhisperGold · 22/02/2023 12:05

I felt that some of the comments were OTT. Still do.

OTT to you, having healthy boundaries to us.

Pinkbonbon · 22/02/2023 13:08

Just a thought but, he recently got caught watching porn because you saw it on his device right? So imo...he'd be extra aware and careful of what he had on devices that you could see after that surely?

So the search doesn't make sense.
Unless he intended it - to take a dig at you. Which I would be less inclined to suggest if it wasn't for the fact you mention he also has form for insensitive comments.

Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 13:17

WhisperGold · 22/02/2023 12:05

I felt that some of the comments were OTT. Still do.

Seriously? You would be ok with your partner looking up plastic surgery to make my wife more attractive to me? You’d be happy enough if your partner send you need a boob job love? If so honestly you need help. No loving man says things like that.

2bazookas · 22/02/2023 13:19

You need to do some searches of your own for him to find.

Viagra
Excercises to make your penis grow
How to make women orgasm

UWhatNow · 22/02/2023 13:29

Couples therapy isn’t going to fix his dumb selfish misogyny. Probably better to work on your own self esteem to work out why after all of this you still want to stay with him.

Speechlass · 22/02/2023 13:51

Spot the man/woman with low standards..

Ok @QueefQueen80s, I'm sure you'd just up and leave immediately without even attempting therapy - with a man you have children with and share a house with. Yep, course you would. And addressing it directly and not letting it slide is a glaring sign of low standards, obviously.

OP posts:
SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 22/02/2023 13:56

Op @QueefQueen80s comment was aimed at @WhisperGold not you.

Speechlass · 22/02/2023 13:57

Pinkbonbon · 22/02/2023 13:08

Just a thought but, he recently got caught watching porn because you saw it on his device right? So imo...he'd be extra aware and careful of what he had on devices that you could see after that surely?

So the search doesn't make sense.
Unless he intended it - to take a dig at you. Which I would be less inclined to suggest if it wasn't for the fact you mention he also has form for insensitive comments.

He was last caught watching stuff a few months ago, and AFAIK is trying to stop watching.

I think it's just plain stupidity to not erase the history but don't think it was intentional. He was very embarrassed about it last night. Such a bizarre and unpleasant search to stumble on unexpectedly.

OP posts:
Speechlass · 22/02/2023 13:58

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 22/02/2023 13:56

Op @QueefQueen80s comment was aimed at @WhisperGold not you.

Thanks for clarifying that, my apologies if I got it wrong.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 14:51

Speechlass · 22/02/2023 13:57

He was last caught watching stuff a few months ago, and AFAIK is trying to stop watching.

I think it's just plain stupidity to not erase the history but don't think it was intentional. He was very embarrassed about it last night. Such a bizarre and unpleasant search to stumble on unexpectedly.

It’s more than unpleasant. It’s hurtful and disrespectful. What are his plans for the future OP? Apart from getting your boobs done? I don’t know why you think you don’t deserve better. You do.

Blessedwithsunshine · 22/02/2023 14:52

He is ‘trying’ to stop watching porn? How is this acceptable to you?

Blessedwithsunshine · 22/02/2023 14:53

Trying sounds like he can’t stop.

Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 14:55

Blessedwithsunshine · 22/02/2023 14:53

Trying sounds like he can’t stop.

Yes I did think that. Just stop doing it. It’s even worse that he is letting you know he is still doing it when you asked him not to. Do you just let him ignore you on everything OP?

illtakeit · 22/02/2023 15:04

Speechlass · 22/02/2023 13:57

He was last caught watching stuff a few months ago, and AFAIK is trying to stop watching.

I think it's just plain stupidity to not erase the history but don't think it was intentional. He was very embarrassed about it last night. Such a bizarre and unpleasant search to stumble on unexpectedly.

Sorry OP, he's not gonna stop

TicketBoo23 · 22/02/2023 16:22

Porn is a very contentious subject; I'll be upfront and say I watch it (which is why I was able to list 7 male porn actors off the top of my head) and my partner watches it.

He watches it in moderate and discretely. I do the same.

We tried watching it together once or twice but that didn't really flow and definitely would not now.

So.... While there are many many ethical issues with porn, both personal and in the industry, let's say I'm ok with it ......

I absolutely do not think it is ok that he is searching a out how to "fix" your post breast feeding boobs.
It is immature, superficial, selfish, dumb, objectifying etc. You are not a porn actress.

He married you as you are - if you weren't his type that's his fucking problem. He shouldn't have or he should display some common sense realism, tolerance and kindness now he has and you've born three of his kids.

I am, in some ways, my partner's type. In others I am not. He, very indirectly, let it slip that he'd prefer bigger breasts. I didn't really give a fuck. I'm compromising on things looks wise to be with him too. That's the way of goes, many ppl end up compromising on looks etc if the overall picture is what they want and they like the person, they both want to.conmit etc.

My partner would never ever, in spite of watching a bit of porn, make any comments etc that would suggest he's unhappy with anything about my looks. He knows to stfu. Abd I know to stfu. Not would ge be looking into changing anything. That's what people with common sense and tolerance do.

I was once told an much older ex bf preferred big boobs, and he hinted at paying for a boob job. This man had ED. I shagged my ex bf, who I still house shared with, told him and ended the relationship. Hopefully he learned something. Maybe he didnt. He was an objectifying, chauvanist, love integrity, emotionally unintelligent dick anyway; and this is about your h's character too.

TicketBoo23 · 22/02/2023 16:23

*low integrity

TicketBoo23 · 22/02/2023 16:25

He appears to see you as an object/doll to fix or tweak.

He cannot be realistic, accepting, stoical and kind about the changes to a woman's body when she bears avd feeds your children.

This might not even be permanent a, as I said, in my experience post breast feeding boobs fill out again over a couple of years or so. But you've seen what he's like in the meantime.