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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP googling how to fix my boobs

162 replies

Speechlass · 21/02/2023 19:14

Just looked on the history of our shared computer for something related to my work, and saw some websites my DP has searched/clicked on.

These include:
•How will my body change after breastfeeding
•Tips to reshape your breasts after breastfeeding
•And how to fix saggy breasts
•"How to make breasts go back to normal after weaning" (a direct search)

I've stated insecurities about this before whilst breastfeeding our three DC, but not recently. He has made insensitive comments before but generally, tries to compliment me and tell me I look great. Just a bit shocked to discover this.

Should I mention this? Genuinely not sure if I'm overreacting since I have mentioned being unhappy with my breasts before. But also feeling very WTF

OP posts:
Original poster
Speechlass · 21/02/2023 21:38

We've just discussed and at first is was 'curiosity', then when pressed it was 'I found you a bit more attractive before birth/breastfeeding'.

With the porn background, it does make it more complicated and I'm annoyed this has basically resurfaced again

It's too late for penis searches now, cats out of the bag.

OP posts:
Eastereggsboxedupready · 21/02/2023 21:41

Order a penis pump via his Amazon account.

Scottishskifun · 21/02/2023 21:42

Speechlass · 21/02/2023 21:38

We've just discussed and at first is was 'curiosity', then when pressed it was 'I found you a bit more attractive before birth/breastfeeding'.

With the porn background, it does make it more complicated and I'm annoyed this has basically resurfaced again

It's too late for penis searches now, cats out of the bag.

Has he thought about going to counselling to sort this stuff out?

Sorry he sounds like a tosspot

thepatronsaintofbubblewrap · 21/02/2023 21:43

Fix your boobs? Tell him to fix his attitude.

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:45

JustDrama · 21/02/2023 20:33

Start you own google searches.

How to make a small penis bigger.

😂

Dodgeitornot · 21/02/2023 21:45

What an asshole. Has he thought about how off-putting it is that he needs to watch porn? Or that quite possibly gravity and age has effected his bits? Im so sorry op. It makes me feel sick, the thought he did this with this intention.

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:46

I found you a bit more attractive before birth/breastfeeding'.

Yeah I had a feeling the sweet "he's trying to help you" responses would turn out to be naive.

Unfortunately many men think of themselves almost exclusively.

Btjdkfnn · 21/02/2023 21:48

Sounds like he's failing to grow up. You birthed and fed his kids. There's evidence of that. He should feel proud and happy you did that. Instead he wants you to look like a porny sex toy. Maybe do some divorce searches on the shared computer. For real.

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:48

Good to see that he appreciates you breast feeding three of his kids after carrying them and birthing them ... Abd is realistic and tolerant and kind about the changes that might make, temporary or permanent, in someone's body.

Original poster
Speechlass · 21/02/2023 21:51

Has he thought about going to counselling to sort this stuff out?

Yes, we do want to have counselling together because it does feel like a hurdle that keeps cropping up.

I did continue to press because I wasn't happy with curiosity. Seems he would prefer me to have plumper boobs and maybe be heavier. I'm not exactly angry because it can't be helped but I don’t understand why you'd get with someone who never looked that way in the first place, and likely never will.

Thanks again for the responses everyone. Will consider the penis pump, did give me a laugh

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:51

Is he ok with you pushing to fix his gut/hairline/erection issues etc etc when they come ... Just in case he's among the majority of men who have issues with those. What if either of you suffer sickness etc?
.
Are you supposed to be realistic, supportive avd kind towards him ... While he's not to you?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/02/2023 21:52

I remember my mum getting a muffin from the kitchen and sitting down as a family to watch Friends on a Friday night many moons ago.

My dad leaned over to her and said "I liked you better when you were thin" and she absolutely fucking threw that muffin at the wall and ran downstairs to her bedroom crying. I was 14 and made him go an apologise.

Men really are fucking thoughtless.

What a knob your husband is OP.
I bet he is no spring chicken now and that he has changed since you met. It's really not nice for you :(

SkiingIsHeaven · 21/02/2023 21:56

Google what do I do if my partner isn't well endowed.

QueefQueen80s · 21/02/2023 21:56

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/02/2023 21:52

I remember my mum getting a muffin from the kitchen and sitting down as a family to watch Friends on a Friday night many moons ago.

My dad leaned over to her and said "I liked you better when you were thin" and she absolutely fucking threw that muffin at the wall and ran downstairs to her bedroom crying. I was 14 and made him go an apologise.

Men really are fucking thoughtless.

What a knob your husband is OP.
I bet he is no spring chicken now and that he has changed since you met. It's really not nice for you :(

Your poor mum. My dad called my mum "fat ugly and useless" and it never left her.

SkiingIsHeaven · 21/02/2023 21:56

But leave it open on the page

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:57

Seems he would prefer me to have plumper boobs and maybe be heavier.... but I don’t understand why you'd get with someone who never looked that way in the first place, and likely never will.

Cause he couldn't get exactly what he wanted lookswise along with someone who was prepared to get involved with him at the right time, whom he got on with, whom he presumably thought would be a decent partner etc.

Partner choices are often compromise - when you choose to compromise like that (let's face it many people would end up alone if they didn't), you accept that and stfu about it. He is too stupid to do that.

Also interesting so much focus appears to be in you not meeting his ideal physique... When presumably he probably isn't your absolute physical ideal (or a conventional physical ideal either) .... Because, as I said, you are a reasonable, sensible person who knows not to focus on it and knows what is important.

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:58

Men really are fucking thoughtless.

I'm a total misandrist, but even I wouldn't say "men". Shit men are fucking thoughtless. Decent men know when to be realistic/when to keep their mouths shut/what is important.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/02/2023 22:00

QueefQueen80s · 21/02/2023 21:56

Your poor mum. My dad called my mum "fat ugly and useless" and it never left her.

Show quote history

Bloody hell, that is awful. I'm not surprised. That's such a horrible thing to say :(

UWhatNow · 21/02/2023 22:06

TicketBoo23 · 21/02/2023 21:46

I found you a bit more attractive before birth/breastfeeding'.

Yeah I had a feeling the sweet "he's trying to help you" responses would turn out to be naive.

Unfortunately many men think of themselves almost exclusively.

Absolutely. I thought the same. It’s a rare male who is Googling those things out of pure altruism. I wonder what planet some posters live on.

I’d personally be googling good divorce lawyers. Who’d want to be married to a selfish piece of slime who equates you to a broken sex doll once you’ve birthed and breast fed his offspring? Ugh.

GoldDuster · 21/02/2023 22:08

If nothing else, he's not the sharpest is he? Where does he see the revelation that he finds the mother of his children less attractive going?

Do not let him chip away at your self-esteem.

BasiliskStare · 21/02/2023 22:10

@TicketBoo23 you made me laugh there - in my younger days I was ( even if I say it myself not bad looking ( not beautiful but OK ) post menopause and childbirth 30 years on - body has changed . DH is OK with it as am I . So I agree with you - not all men need a love island type wife. If a man criticises your body - well that needs a discussion. I am not misandrist . DH & I after 30 years are quite happy with each other. & the years which have passed - well it's somewhat nice

TwoMonthsOff · 21/02/2023 22:11

Why don’t you google ‘how to fix my douche bag partner’

TwoMonthsOff · 21/02/2023 22:12

UWhatNow · 21/02/2023 22:06

Absolutely. I thought the same. It’s a rare male who is Googling those things out of pure altruism. I wonder what planet some posters live on.

I’d personally be googling good divorce lawyers. Who’d want to be married to a selfish piece of slime who equates you to a broken sex doll once you’ve birthed and breast fed his offspring? Ugh.

Show quote history

Exactly , how disgusting

Itgoesalittlesomethinglikethis · 21/02/2023 22:16

He's not done himself any favours. How old is he? He's acting like a teen. I've seen women in my family (and friends) get boob jobs simply because they need to look like those porn stars to be accepted by a man. One of them, her DH is a cheater and you wonder did she get a boob job to try make him behave/pick me dance? It is sad. Be proud of BF and putting your DCs first and giving them a wonderful start. He is too immature to appreciate this. I couldn't be with someone who thought my body was in need of improvement.

Dryshampoofordays · 21/02/2023 22:20

Op I would be so hurt as well. You and your body are actually amazing to carry, birth and feed your babies. To not feel more attracted to you after doing something so incredible shows how shallow and thick he is. What an immature, selfish and misogynistic prick.

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