Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

I’m musing on chemistry today

finding someone with the same chemistry as I had with previous has NOT been as easy as i naively thought

by that I mean fancying them and wanting to rip their clothes off

I think I met him very fast and assumed this was normal !
its clearly not

😭😭😭

I hear you Worsy when you have intense chemistry and intimacy with someone … it’s hard to replicate with someone else, specially because you did not want to stop seeing him and had feelings

I dated a lot 8 months after breaking up with Mr Ex and got nowhere near finding chemistry like with him. Or liking them as persons as I liked him
He’s quite low and depressed but the intimacy and sex is flawless . Spent all week with him and talked a lot but I am exhausted of carrying the relationship through and he’s fed up of not being “ right” continuously for me but at moments
I don’t think I will ever fall in love like I have with him… this is something that does not change

This is great position to be in… it’s a lot harder when you are in love or very smitten and you break up. I don’t think I have ever felt like you…I went straight from the XH to my Mr Ex with no real in between stage. Kids and practicalities took over for the rest of my extra time. I only broke up for like 8 months and did OLD and it wasn’t even a proper break up as we continued seeing each other.
I never had a chance to go into dating feeling totally happy and hopeful.
It’s a brilliant place you are in and I am sure you will meet someone nice. Welcome !

@PinkIdentity I'm sorry to hear you are exhausted and can fully understand. It's so difficult and especially when the chemistry is so strong. Will you just leave things as they are for now?

PinkIdentity

realistically , it takes time

so with you , you never stopped ! I remember you had a gazillion dates but he was always always there as back up and he never went away

with me it’s been less than 3 months and I’ve only really met 4 guys

I don’t think I’ll never meet anyone else , I probably will at some stage - maybe

but I might have to wait a while and get a few bruises along the way

I think as I met him very quickly OLD I wrongly thought it would be easy to find another !!

dont know what the solution is to be honest

maybe you need couples therapy to fix this once and for all ?
maybe watch (it’s on iplayer ) she’s totally Awesome the therapist ? Look at the couples and how she helps them ?
might be a good investment as it’s been 7 fuxking years for you

@Stepcount hello and thank you for your kindness in thinking of me. We met, talked at length and have seen each other couple of times since. We both agree that we have a really good thing and he wants to continue 100% but at the minute he is waiting on the results of an interview which will change his work pattern completely. It means that if successful he would be in a set pattern although it would also mean working every other weekend. He is reluctant to be vulnerable and I've said that we need to communicate and be there for each other so for now we are just taking it as it comes.
An ex messaged me while we were broken up and asked me out and it made me think how important current iron is to me.
Hope all is well with you and thanks again.

LuckyLinda3

thats a good update
hope you feel calm and happier x

First of all, I’m glad you 2 have talked and are on a better position now. Looks like you are growing stronger

About MrEx…He’s really taking it serious with therapy and open to medical help. I think I review situation every week we are together. We talk frankly and he does realise he’s always in drama stage.
Worsy…I binge watched couples thereapy on telly 😂😂😂… I’d go gladly but right now he needs to sort his issues himself. We don’t really have problems as a couple to be honest…only he has the lot of them unfortunately. I deal with my stuff myself though and don’t bring it with me the times we are together.
I wanted to do everything with him before…now…I have to admit I don’t…and that is sad

spent all week with him and talked a lot but I am exhausted of carrying the relationship through and he’s fed up of not being “ right” continuously for me but at moments

totally get that couples therapy wouldn’t work right now
but this sentence above so remained me of it !!

i find half enlightening and half depressing

You had a lucky chance meeting B so quickly 😳😍…Of course you will meet someone lovely… but I don’t think it will go the FWB way… I believe something more solid and more emotionally strong will happen next to you.
In the meantime…get ready to kiss some frogs 🐸😂😂. The key is to try and if you don’t feel the fella is ok …move on immediately… no hassle

PinkIdentity

ahhh that made me a bit teary
it pains me to say this but I really do need a man to look after me as much as I look after them

I really hope your right xx

I’m right…don’t worry. Your chip changed time ago when you could not have enough with just bonking Mr B and wanted a lot more. You are ready for something more lovely 🥰
You are very sensitive right now but full of healthy ideas for your love life

@Thisisworsethananticpated 🤗
@PinkIdentity 🤗

I'm sorry it's so shitty. It hurts a lot. I don't know why but it feels so much more as we get older. I think I'm always looking for 'the one' and get disappointed when it is so obviously not iyswim?

Update

Guy on POF wanted friends with benefits, not all the relationship malarkey- his words.
Turned out he's married and that's why.

BUT met Mr 13 today. Didn't look like his photo but actually I preferred how he looked.

I think he was nervous as he talked a lot. And I listened to you all and didn't take the lead and try to make him comfortable instead.

Big statement now - I have dated total and absolute shites so far.

This guy was how someone should be on a date. No mention of sex. A lot of laughter. Could take some teasing. Wouldn't let me pay for anything and walked me to my car.

He's a total sweetheart. We are going out out on Friday, dinner and drinks. He lives in the same city as me too. He's messaged me to say how much he fancied me too. I'm not at rip your clothes off stage but I felt warm and happy. People in the cafe were smiling over as we were laughing so much.

So, maybe 13 is lucky after all.

But hey you lot know the drill - it isn't real until it's real. Especially for me and my run of utter bastards. I wouldn't go buying a hat yet but it's more promising and normal than the others.

Definitelycross

awewwwwwwe !!!
that’s nice
you really needed a decent date and some hope back xxx

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Chemistry is extremely important. It’s very rare to come across someone that you just connect with so well and fancy like crazy! I think this is where I went wrong with stbx - the sexual chemistry definitely wasn’t there and we were nothing more than friends in the end. I don’t think I will ever find that chemistry at my age. Hope I do though!

So, I joined POF on Friday evening and I’ve deleted my account already. It’s just awful. I got 811 likes so far. I don’t like any of them. None.

I despair 😩.

Interested to know the criteria you're looking for, if 811 don't fit the bill.

Either, you have very particular, niche, spec, or the standard of men is spectacularly poor!

@Thisisworsethananticpated yeah I am. I think when he finds out about the interview we will have a discussion again about moving forward.

@PinkIdentity thanks, I'm not sure about stronger but hopefully we will build on what we have.
Sorry to hear that you seem down, really hope you can get what you need from MrEx

Great update @Definitelycross, 🤞🤞for you

Did you search with your criteria?

I'm 56 and live in quite a small pond so to speak. I found POF the best app.

Are you reading all of their bios or just going on photos?

None out of that many does sound terrible. Didn't you pay too?

I was meticulous on my search and went through each profile properly. Some of them really aren't great at photos or strap lines.
For instance I had a guy who looked miserable as sin and his strap line was 'optimistic' and others with 'happy go lucky' 😳

I steered clear of the ones that say - this app is a bag of shite as they want you to put the work in to persuade them.

But zero that means none at all even slightly interest you? That just seems so disappointing 🤗

Thank you. But you know my track record 🤦‍♀️

My age group so roughly 48-54. Salary same as mine and above. Average/fit. Can’t remember the others but the only ones that did seem ok lived miles away.

Yes, searched on criteria but there weren’t that many that came up as I put a lower distance. Looked at photos as I really do need to be physically attracted to someone as well as attracted in the other areas. No, didn’t pay.

TeaandLemonDrizzle

to be fair we have had a few threadies who have that miraculous combo of liking them and sexual chemistry
so keep the faith !!!!

but I also have a long list of friends and posters with the chemistry but they are emotionally unavailable …
or depressed or have issues
or hate their ex
or can’t do monogamy
or deeply avoidant

I got like that with tinder it totally depressed me
it’s because you are new and you pop up first ?
Just take a break and pop back in when you feel ready

and maybe focus more on who you like rather than who likes you ?