Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

Hooray!

I paid for Match initially but went off it big time. I hated Bumble.

I'm on POF now. I went back the other day and have had a fair bit of interest although I've also had my fair share of no thank yous or no replies.

I actually think POF has more chancers/pretend profiles than Match or Bumble.

I'm currently talking to two guys from my area that actually seem to be sound. One of them wanted to meet next week for a drink but I said I'd prefer coffee first and he said absolutely. The other is funny as fuck but he's about two inches shorter than me. But he read my profile properly as I'd stuck an obscure question in there. I'm not going to be heightist 😂 and will meet him for a coffee.

13th or 14th time lucky 😳😂

I don't do Hinge or Tinder because my sons do and I feel too old.

I'm in a quite small city and I see the same faces every app I go on.

I'm feeling ok about it except the two that said I wasn't for them but in a way that's better rather than hoping. Rip that plaster off.

Good progress Deffy…best wishes for your next date

Ahhh, fingers crossed for you. Sounds very promising. I’ll take a look at POF. I paid for Match a while ago, and stupidly paid for a year, but I didn’t like it and deleted my account.

Actually, I’m quite excited about going to London next week (I’m from up north) as I’ll see lots of new faces 😁😁😁

@TeaandLemonDrizzle I'd like to pay for POF but it puts me off that you have to pay upfront.

Also does it give you much more?

NellyTheCake

ah Nelly that’s nice !

Just home from my date. We had fun. Have a lot in common, laughed lots and snogged more 😄 If he fancies doing it again I would 😁

I don’t think it’s worth paying. I paid for Tinder and I ended up just left swiping all of them. I think it’s just probably left in the hands of fate and destiny - right swipe any you think are nice and see if they right swipe you. Match!

Sounds good! Let us know if he wants to meet up again. Hope he was a good kisser 😉

Sorry - verrrrrrrry long post…
Have been lurking and and reading - hope this weekend will bring peeps a good haul of fun dates/snogs!
Meanwhile at Sox Towers things aren’t so great.
ExH has been pulling some stunts in the divorce proceedings which mean we shall now end up in court (eventually and at great expense) and Mr Serb (who I am going to now rename as Mr WozFunnest because the Mr Serb nomenclature was random anyway and I think he will soon be ‘was’ if he isn’t already) has gone into his cave - again….He has an insanely busy job (contractor with more than one contract running simultaneously with lots of travel to overseas countries and dealing with different time zones) and late teen kids and is very insecure in relationships which until now have been very short lived. We have been ‘together’ about 18 months and the pattern is that we get very close and then he panics and avoids contact and then misses me and rinse and repeat. We are compatible on so many levels and have great fun and shared interests hence why I haven’t broken things off with him. Coming out of a long marriage I was very naive and met him in RL so didn’t know all the rules of dating now - wish I had come on this thread when I first met him as would have managed the situation much better.
A few weeks ago we were at our closest then he had a business trip and have only seen him once since he returned and on Monday he is off on another tricky trip. So of course he also needs to spend time with his kids between trips and is managing his house renovation and a couple of side hustle small business ventures and charity work but I find it hard to be so close and then a hiatus.
He is another one who is not a texter and mostly texts are for practical arrangements so it really is like radio silence.
Last summer I talked to him about my frustration at all this and he said we should just be friends as he can’t give me more than we have and completely understands why I find it frustrating - other ‘girlfriends’ have got fed up with him after a few weeks. So the ‘friends’ thing lasted about a week because he kept coming round to do practical things in my house for me and we couldn’t resist falling back into a relationship. (Not just sex by the way - he really isn’t a booty caller)
This time I sense he is trying to break away - he is sending me texts asking how I am but not suggesting meeting and I have already told him I miss him and so no point me trying to pin down a date as he is distracted by the deal happening this week.

A wise friend in RL told me that this is a watershed and to view the outcome as positive either way.
Either:
a)he will succeed in breaking away from me (and revert to his comfort zone of casual friend zone he has had with previous short-lived girlfriends) or
b) he won’t be able to resist coming back and that is when I must have a full and frank face to face conversation with him about this pattern and suggest couples counselling for us both to resolve or otherwise I MUST just face up to it and MUST insist on a clean permanent break - no more yo-yo-ing and no ‘friends-zone’. Would be difficult as we have so many friends and hobbies in common so will run into each other at social events.
She said if a) then at least I have had a really good fun and enjoyable 18 months which has given me confidence and s new lease of life and that he has been a catalyst for good and a springboard for the next adventure…
Meanwhile I am joining the ‘6 singles’ dinner club I posted about earlier this week just as a way of meeting up with with people, not necessarily to meet a man, and trying to distract myself with friends and hobbies.
If we split I really don’t think I could cope with OLD.

@VanillaSox for what it's worth, I think your friend is very wise. I think he's telling you who he is and if that's not enough, then yes, a frank discussion is needed. If any consolation, its not you, it just sounds like he hasn't the headspace for anyone at this point. This may change but at the moment he just doesn't feel the same/ready for more. His history shows that's just his way.

And yes, OLD is pretty brutal at times so best to go into it with a clear head when you feel ready.

Get in Slothy ! Fab date then…hopefully a repeat

VanillaSox

sorry to see your update but also not surprised either given how it’s all been

it really boils down to - is what he can offer enough ?

can you manage knowing he’s like this or are you in a perma anxious come sad state that offsets the happy times ?

as my therapist said to me
dammed if you stay
dammed if you leave

fwiw I’m still (not helpful !) really pining for Balkan
I even cried this morning and I don’t know why

so IF you split you really will need a plan and no contact

anyway hugs it sounds hard and sad

Slothmomma

oooohhh ! What made this One so nice ?
i know we never want to tempt fate and over talk

but you’ve had some lacklustre ones recently

@VanillaSox how are you feeling about it? Your post sounds quite measured. I think sometimes things are enough until they’re not and you see or sense a shift in the dynamic which makes you question whether it’s right (and enough) for you. Maybe on both a practical and emotional level he’s not going to be able to give you the kind of connection you would like. What would help you at the moment- are you in the headspace for a make or break chat ?

@LuckyLinda3 how’s things going? Did you decide to respond to your fella’s message after the ’split’ ? Hope you’re doing well whatever the outcome. 🤞🏼

Vanilla…you are in one of these times where you have too much going on. We discussed before ( I’m Mila) about awful divorces. I am very sorry you are now escalating in agro with xh but you need to try to control stress in other areas.
I wonder if the stress of the situation with divorce is spilling over Mr Serb. He has never been too demonstrative for what you have said. He’s the quiet, cave man but he does love you. Maybe you are needing him a lot more now because of the awfulness you are going through with xh. I think as we get older we become more self centred in many ways…guys more so.
My advise is concentrate on dealing with divorce issue and wait to take decisions re Serb. You have too much going on now that is key to your future if you go to court…
what is this this “ 6 singles” …never heard of it before !

Worsy…I’m sorry you are still pining for B but these things take time lovely. I have been there and I know how it feels. You feel wrong about being intimate with other bloke because you still crave him… Do nice things for you and treat yourself to something nice, exercise more and just grieve without feeling bad for it.

I can’t really talk about no contact because I caved in and kept contacting Mr Ex…I bought the book of no contact and just gave it away unread. I am a shot example at no contact and can’t advise on that.

Perhaps he’s waiting for you to contact him…I don’t know…

I'm soooo happy to hear this ❤️❤️❤️

@VanillaSox I hear you being pulled every which way.

My personal dating history is a positive shit show so I don't think I'm in the position to give good advice but I'll just say here's a hug and I hope you get through both this and the divorce (also going through that) as unscathed as possible 🤗

Well I seem to have written somewhere in my bio - I'm up for sex please contact me - as that's the main message from most of last nights conversations 😂

I'm not by the way. Not that there's anything wrong with it. But I had a really funny conversation with a guy who kept asking if I was horny and when did I last have sex. I told him I only believe in it for procreation and so I've only had it three times, in the dark, pulling my nightie up.

One day I hope to meet someone somewhat normal 😂😂

Deffy…such idiots to discard on first conversation…Do not worry, there are decent men there somewhere too. It’s really a numbers and luck issue

Mila14
Your name change is very erratic 😂

no as i broke my no Contact rule and texted him (albeit a bit angrily) a few weeks ago

read and no reply 😬
NICE

it’s fine , I made the right call

but dating again makes me realise we did have amazing chemistry
but chemistry alone can’t sustain a relationship

I’m going to have to tough it out
i know that ill stop pining for him when I meet someone else
which I’m not rushing into

Definitelycross

you were hit by a Friday night horn fest

you can almost tell the day of the week by old messages

Monday to weds - minimal terse but can be pleasant
Thursday to Saturday - horny and hopeful
Sunday - sad and wistful

VanillaSox

agree also to make NO decisions when stressed

i think we all know it’s best to wait , pause and let the wave pass

focus on what’s jn hand and hit that woman cave too maybe x ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated lacklustre hits the nail on the head 😄

I don't know what made this one different save that it was fun, I was having fun, chatting, flirting, kissing ...

I don't think it's the same chemistry as Mr city but that's a no go however there was definitely something that makes me want to meet again. Hes very confident which I like, really into music like me and physically my type. We've been messaging this morning and he's said he wants to meet again but nothing set in stone so we will see. Also got a check in type message today from Mondays date who I thought had disappeared forever 🙃