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Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

1000 replies

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/02/2023 13:40

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

OP posts:
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 11/03/2023 16:31

Nice one @PinkIdentity
I wouldn't have believed in love at first sight (which for me it wasn't quite but after two in person dates, many texts and several lonnnng video calls - so Love In First Week) if it hadn't been for the candour your shares about your experience of it 7 years ago with you know who and how all these years later you are still very much into each other. So I thank you wholeheartedly for being here and all you have shared and your kind understanding posts over the months.

Mila14 · 11/03/2023 16:39

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 11/03/2023 16:31

Nice one @PinkIdentity
I wouldn't have believed in love at first sight (which for me it wasn't quite but after two in person dates, many texts and several lonnnng video calls - so Love In First Week) if it hadn't been for the candour your shares about your experience of it 7 years ago with you know who and how all these years later you are still very much into each other. So I thank you wholeheartedly for being here and all you have shared and your kind understanding posts over the months.

😘❤️

PinkIdentity · 11/03/2023 16:41

I need to get rid of my other moniker … not sure how it works but if I comforted or helped anyone here… it was worth the aggro

NellyTheCake · 11/03/2023 17:11

POF question.
Can you tell if someone has blocked you?

I have a long standing penpal on there. We check in with each whenever we go back to OLD.

He started messaging me again a couple of days ago. All was ok until last night. I was out and he sent me about 10 messages which I didn't see til this morning.
He seemed really low. I have replied but none of my messages are showing in the message thread.
I can still see his profile. Nothing to indicate I'm blocked.

I'm just worried a bit about him.

Slothmomma · 11/03/2023 17:12

I personally think its nice that we have such a cross section of people on this thread who date such a cross section of other people and whose dating styles vary. Would make for a boring world if we were all the same!

In OLD news I have a date arranged with new iron for Monday evening. Hes travelling over to my town as I have kids so don't like venturing too far from home. We're going to eat and have a drink so hope we get on 😄 He seems normal, is a parent and is attractive (to me) but only thing I'm not sure about is he's a bit fitter/slimmer than my usual type which I'm not sure won't make me look like a heffer next to him (or whether he'll find me attractive in person of course). I will update following date and will name if we intend to see each other again 😁

Slothmomma · 11/03/2023 17:13

Sorry @NellyTheCake I don't do pof so have no idea whether you can tell if blocked etc but hope he's OK

PinkIdentity · 11/03/2023 17:27

Slothy… there’s all types of guys who like all sorts of ladies. Don’t worry about feeling bigger. He picked you so relax

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 11/03/2023 18:56

@Slothmomma my MrM is a wiry slender whippet of a man and I have a size 16 middle aged body. We both believe the other is unbelievably attractive. My XH didn't fancy me after I bore his three kids and gained a few stones of weight which sometimes got lost but ultimately stayed. His new woman is heroine chic.

We are all different in our preferences if new iron doesn't like to you as you are then it's a definite 'Next!'

Definitelycross · 11/03/2023 19:27

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss @Thisisworsethananticpated
Thank you so much. I've got a lot in my head just now. Truthfully I know what I've got going for me. But somehow I've let men make me feel less for a very long time - well the ones I've met or been out with. Right back to being a teenager.

Mr Friday, was wonderful on the phone and on messages. In real life - I felt like he was doing me a favour.

I know I'm not a catfish. I just think my taste and/or judgement are very skewed. Whatever it is is making me so unhappy it's unreal. So I know I'm the only one who can change that.

@Slothmomma I have this. A lot. When I met Mr11 he'd looked like he had a proper dad bod online - which I quite like. But irl was a skinny, shorter guy. But an earlier iron it happened the same and he fancied the pants off me 🤷‍♀️

Mila14 · 11/03/2023 19:48

Deffy…take your time out if you need but I think that if your pics are up to date and it is you as normal and you talk on the phone and perhaps video before date…you should be ok. It’s just that sometimes chemistry doesn’t happen IRL… we don’t know why that is…but it happens.
You do get a lot of dates anyway so don’t worry. You can check what type of guy you are dating and make adjustments to your choices too. Perhaps date out of your comfort zone? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️…change is sometimes the answer

PinkIdentity · 11/03/2023 19:50

God…I’m not able to change my moniker definitely…I will try my best 🙄

Definitelycross · 11/03/2023 20:07

Mila14 · 11/03/2023 19:48

Deffy…take your time out if you need but I think that if your pics are up to date and it is you as normal and you talk on the phone and perhaps video before date…you should be ok. It’s just that sometimes chemistry doesn’t happen IRL… we don’t know why that is…but it happens.
You do get a lot of dates anyway so don’t worry. You can check what type of guy you are dating and make adjustments to your choices too. Perhaps date out of your comfort zone? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️…change is sometimes the answer

Yes this last one wasn't my tick list.

I know I'm exactly the same in real life if snytya bit more animated.

But yes I've had 12 dates in just over 6 months. So something must be wrong somewhere along the line 🤷‍♀️

Definitelycross · 11/03/2023 20:08

If anything 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Slothmomma · 11/03/2023 21:16

@Definitelycross my date Monday will be no.6 since beginning of year 🙈 I honestly have no idea how many first dates I've actually done over the past 3 years - you are not alone

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/03/2023 21:19

Definitelycross

nothing is ‘wrong’ with you
but you’ve had a bad run and you have paused
so bruised gets more bruised
your dating bruised - so any minor rejection hurts 100 times more

ive had 3 recently (and I’ve only just split !) 4 if you count video date
limited joy sparking if I’m being honest

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/03/2023 21:22

NellyTheCake

I hope he’s just caving and he’s just feeling low

if you have a friendly connection why not ask for his number when he comes back online ?

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/03/2023 21:32

Slothmomma

enjoy 😁

i have a date Monday too
unless he flakes

OP posts:
NellyTheCake · 11/03/2023 21:39

Thisisworsethananticpated
None of my messages to him seem to be going through on POF.
It says they're sent but they're not showing up in the chat. So I think he's blocked me.

We met a couple of times about 6 years ago and decided we weren't looking for the same thing but that we'd keep in touch.

In his last message he asked for my number and if we could meet because he wanted someone to talk to. But I've no way of contacting him now.

That was his choice to block me so I'll just have to leave him to it.

NoDatingForOldMen · 11/03/2023 22:41

Well Today has been a fucking weird one thats for sure, this thread seemed to descended in to play ground antics, Linker-Gate is unbelievable, watching MOTD with no music or commentary is weird, England were slaughtered by France in the Rugby just seen parts of my home county fall into the sea on National Television and my Ex Girlfriend rung me up.

can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings, maybe some real excitement for once 🤔

NellyTheCake · 11/03/2023 23:27

The problem appears to be my POF account - just to add to all of today's weirdness.

But I have managed to get in touch with my penpal on there, through someone else's account. We've swapped numbers and had a long chat.

He's ok now.

Just need to get my POF profile working again!

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 12/03/2023 08:29

@Slothmomma and @Definitelycross are you doing phone calls before all of these first dates?

I insist on them to screen out the incompatibles (and for me personally that was those who didn't make me laugh or ask a single question about me).

In my first phase of dating I'd do the phone call, think 'That was pleasant but meh' and then still sodding well meet them for a date anyway. Mainly because they looked hot and I fancied sex or gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Phase two saw me much more stringent after initial phone chat and declining date 1 if the initial chat hadn't ticked all the important boxes (and again FOR ME that was things like had kids and had not moved away from them, had lived other places than where they were born, liked the same cultural things as me and made me laugh, asked about me etc etc etc)

The proceeding to Date 1 with those who truly made the cut (and I've been shouted down on here before for being so methodical but I do hold an actual list of must-haves and must-not haves including 'Must find me desirable and interesting and funny') meant that the of the 6 dates I had between this time last year 4 proceeded into enjoyable romantic experiences and one of them being my fantastic new love MrM.

Hope this helps in some way. Just trying to work out why you are getting the quantity but not the quality. I feel sure you are not setting the bar at the right height or screening out the ones that are obviously not a great match for you?

@NoDatingForOldMen was that NoShow who rang or another Ex? What is she after do you think?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/03/2023 08:34

NellyTheCake

ah ! that’s good 😊

FEELD is so brutal as when people disconnect you get a notification

now I would never have met this fellow
just was curious about the sex parties he goes to 👿

but there is something about ‘Donghard has disconnected from you ‘ that feels so brutal !!!

its kind of warped me FEELD - I see innocuous 50 years wondering about and I glare at them wondering if they are also fake poly who want to be ‘dom’ and are ‘bored after years of vanilla’

OP posts:
Slothmomma · 12/03/2023 08:47

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I haven't done a call with this one but do sometimes with irons (I did with last one) but I don't find it massively helpful as I just feel awkward on calls so give them the same benefit of doubt as what I'd hope they'd give me so still end up meeting anyway regardless of call

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 12/03/2023 08:50

Fair enough @Slothmomma

I make hundreds of phone calls per week to people I don't know for work so suspect I can get more out of that medium with a potential datee than others might.

My 20 yr old DD can't even phone her own GP so I'm fully aware it's not for all.

In that case you might just need to accept that despite a plentiful number of matches and meets the proportion of non-good matches will be high.

Slothmomma · 12/03/2023 08:57

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I do 😄

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