Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

That's interesting he's come back. This is why I block and delete, I hate being reminded of that state of mind. I put it all down to lockdown personally ... it was like dating was the only way to see people sometimes ... then crushes and sec drive gets involved and it becomes limerance. Which is a great word but one of the most hideous states of mind ever!

BelladiMamma

he never actually went away but he cooled off so i embarked upon a year long limerence and sex fest with my erstwhile ghosting ex

id never block him as I do have a fond recall in many ways

if I’m being honest it touches my little heart as clearly he got something from my WhatsApp love ❤️

but he’s also not getting laid AT ALL

I don’t seem to be able to like people without limerence

its work in progress …..

Ok I've gone back to Tuesday where posters started being mean to @Mila14

I don't understand why people think it's ok to tell someone they are being wearing or would have to mind their posts because some might not share the same lifestyles. If you are jealous of another posters circumstances do so privately instead of telling them they are being off by being open about the worlds they move in.

I, like @Mila14, was in high finance and banking for many years. Most of my best friends and associates are millionaire leaders in global corporates or government. The people we socialise with are often at the top of their game and have lifestyles associated with this including fitness, globe trotting, holidays etc.

Are we discriminated against participating in dialogue about our romantic lives with others? I assumed not but now can see that some people find it irritating.

Everyone's different but on this thread there is a collective commonality of seeking love (or fun & frolics) via OLD and often after marriage, kids whilst juggling jobs, elderly parents, parenting.

I've found it invaluable but if people addressed me the way they have @Mila14 I'd be bowing out too.

I agree @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that Mila shouldn't have left but I reiterate that once you start posting about such lifestyles, you risk the wrath of jealous lurkers who would say you are boasting/irritating purely because their lives arent similar. If someone keeps saying this ex is mad about me, that ex is mad about me, i only want rich men, obviously someone is going to say a: you're lying, b: you're a goldigger or c: make some sort of dig at you seeing your ex when your current partner was depressed.

The posters who were called out, specifically questioned what I said above.

Im very mindful of how i speak so I knew her posting would annoy some people. Similar for you, you are in the dizzy heights of a relationship but then you get all the haters saying you are being ridiculous going in too soon and having your children meet etc. It's jealousy but also I think we need to read the room with this thread.

@LostidentityM I didn't say @Mila14 shouldn't have left.

There is no concept of leaving as this is an open thread on a free forum where members can visit or not visit, post or not post, name change etc as they wish.

There is no 'room to read' re lifestyles it is a thread about romantic relationships and if you can't express openly your own personal preferences in relations to your love life then what is the point. I would describe people i mix with as super hot and into me if they were and would feel uncomfortable having to censor my inoffensive language in case it made others not in my personal feel jealous and would (perhaps naively) expect posters to maintain decorum and politeness when writing about my circs as they know them. It's the unwarranted bitchiness that can make you disinclined to visit or post on a thread. I think @Mila14 was decent in saying she was out instead of just never posting again.

I've been in her position with a problematic but committed long term relationship and a super hot high flying ex taking me out to dinner during that time and noting he wasn't for me. I actually posted about it on MN at the time as I felt i could do with anonymous advice and like @Mila14 got shot down and accused as being a fantasist.

I've found my forever man now thanks mainly to Tinder, perseverance, honing my must-haves and must-not haves but also because of the amazing support during the rollercoaster years on this thread.

I might bob in from time to time but as I'm no longer on the apps, setting up dates and working out whether irons are contenders or not I'll not be around much on here.

Good luck all!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss sorry to see you leave but glad you have found someone. I personally don't think anyone should stop posting because of others

I can categorically state it isn’t jealousy on my part. I feel no need to post about my “senior role” or my affiliation to “millionaires” (who even uses that term anymore? Nobody I know of any influence). It’s just embarrassing self-congratulatory nonsense and much as the breathy teen-talk of “world changing romance” after knowing someone for five minutes smacks of immaturity and insecurity.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense would feel the same, regardless of background or lifestyle. It’s got nothing to do with jealousy.

LostidentityM

I’ve noticed (in life not just this thread ) that rich people don’t realise they are rich

ive seen it far too many times

• why don’t you go here ?
• why don’t you do this ?
• shall we do Xxxx ?
• have you been here ?

whereas poor people KNOW they are poor

Oh my this is getting really silly now!! @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Mila wasn't shot down. The 2 posters who contradicted her were @BelladiMamma and @blueribbon6 if you go back and read what was actually written. She didn’t like their viewpoints and left. My only comment was that anyone flying in to see her would likely be after more than some conversation ...that’s stating the blinding obvious and common sense not having a go at her. The fact she felt the need to keep reminding everyone of her ex and exex being high fliers etc says it all. I’m not jealous either I work in finance and have no need to say who I mix with etc ...horses for courses ! Common sense seems to be failing here.

I think these posts highlight that in threads as much as dating life, when common sense has gone out of the window the advice ends up being pointless. And I always appreciate someone reminding me when I've crashed through the common sense barrier. I have definitely been prone to limerance and misunderstandings, in OLD, the thread and IRL.

Whatever happens to the thread now I hope that it can remain a good place for that!

Also, if anyone is in need of a different perspective, there are some good groups on Facebook ie are we dating the same guy. It's always worth getting a different view.

I struggle with mumsnet in general because of the pile on effect. It just speaks to mean, horrible catty girls behaviour. I didn't find@Mila14 braggy one bit, She liked what she likes. She sounded like a hard working woman with kids, survived a divorce, is petite, likes pilates etc. Why should she minimize that she dates succesful men to make everyone feel better? Who should she date? If the second ex flying in was a truck driver, would it have been more acceptable? Some people state they like european men, curvier women, tradesmen. Some people date only bald men, some only blonde women.
Take exception with the fact she might be " cheating' on Mr Ex if you will, her background or his is irrelevant!

I have had difference of opinions with one of the regular posters back then- when I was actively dating and someone offered to fly me to Prague on the first date. The focus wasn't on whether it was too quick or too fast, but if I was making this person up AND/OR that I was materialistic and high maintenance. Another that I foolishly Dm'd my pictures to to said I needed to not show my watch in one of the photos as it made me seem posh and grabby! I am a Barrister, I specialize in high value contentious litigation. My children are privately educated- one at boarding school. I have an aupair and a gardener. I drive a Range Rover. I ski. I go on holiday often. I generally socialize in that circle of HNI at work/ school mums. And? It hasn't made me lucky in love. I was widowed at 44. Am I supposed to be disingenuous or discard my whole life because there is a cost of living crisis blah blah? And yes I am real. I have posts on the private schools admissions thread and (thinking about it now went into far too much detail about my house extension )on the extensions and woes thread. @Stepcount very kindly reviewed my photos too and sent me some very encouraging words then as I struggled with early widowhood.

@BelladiMamma your comments were particularly catty. You regaled this thread of your homes, some designer bag that I actually thought was pretty mediocre etc then, then you are asking someone to ' read the room' because of heating bills

I don't always agree with Mila's advice re falling in love so quickly etc, but from what I see it is given with good intention.

And FWIW, I believe those two posters claiming the same boyfriend was true. Again people were so horrible to the poor lady who discovered it. She made it all up supposedly. Just awful behaviour from middle aged women who should know better!

I've never understood why people can't have a difference of opinion and express them without resorting to personal attacks and stored up venom.

Nice post @Myfabby thank you for it.

Myfabby

cmon

you cant in one breath call people catty…

and then in the next one call someone’s handbag mediocre

😂

Not a nice post @ibelieveinmirrorballs

I use the word millionaires because I am not one but my best mates are. I can't afford to go on holiday and watch my budgets carefully to stay within my salary

I'm not insecure or immature and yet knew within a week that my new man and I were cut from the same cloth.

Nothing I've ever posted on here has never been self-congratulatory and don't feel in the least but embarrassed by it.

Stating I have a senior role is not emotive it's just fact and indicates I work long hours with hell of a lot of decision making responsibilities as many of us in middle aged do. I'm also proud that I do it well as well as parenting to a high standard and finding time for romance

I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about me. If my relationship with my new fella doesn't last until one of us dies I will stand corrected but would bet huge sums it will. Not because I'm a breathy teen but because I have my head screwed on as does he and know that we are quirky oddballs who are are completely similar in so many ways.

Try to not be horrible to anonymous people on here. Some may not be able to take it and could cause mental distress to them.

Hi

I'm leaving too.

Not because of this thread but because IRL I hate what I am. Measuring my worth against opinions of men that I wouldn't consider twice normally.

I've lost myself. I need to step away totally and reappraise my self, values, standards. In fact everything.

thanks for the support xx

@Definitelycross I did this in 2020 and it really worked to focus on myself who I am and what I want from life. I've written it before but I finished renovating the family marital home, sold up and relocated, started a long overdue fitness routine and got proper fit, started a Masters in my professional field, got my first dog and started playing piano again after 20 years.

I didn't do any of this to make me better at dating but because I was where you are now. It really made me ambivalent about romance. Thought it must be nice to have a sexy male best mate to hang out with, travel with and laugh with but not enough to rejoin OLD when one day two years later I found myself furiously swiping on hearing my crap XH is marrying his equally crap girlfriend (the OW as she was when we were married)

My experience this time has been totally different. Only meeting and having liaisons with 'high value' men (Matthew Hussey) phrase and caring less when they didn't work out due to incompatibility.

It's a strong move to recognise where you aren't being your most fantastic self. Good luck with the non-dating life.

Mediocre- ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad

Nothing catty at all. She described the bag, told us how much it was ( I think), her iron at the time didn't offer to carry it or recognize the brand-- I can't recall which. She then posted a photo of the bag and I found it very ordinary and really couldn't understand the fuss.

But that was not the point of my post. Someone else has posted pictures of their expensive bike. And someone else has told how they keep horses which presumably isn't cheap.

Many other OP's note what their irons do. Balkan is a truck driver. The male poster works in IT- he has said how much he earns approx and how he outearns everyone he dates. Someone here has a PhD in tech. We've talked about some of the common pitfalls observed in dating doctors. Isn't that exactly ( the revelation that the iron was some exec in meat/dairy) how the poor lady found out she was being played. I can go on and on..

But we seem to take an issue with someone dating bankers..

Definitelycross

look after yourself sweetheart

I’ve been saying for a very long time I think you need this …
there is NOTHING wrong with you , but dating is not sparking joy because of where you are at - and hasn’t for a a while

revisit it one day
what about Mr Friday ?

Myfabby

balkan was my erstwhile iron and he wasn’t a truck driver ! 😊

but we can safely say he didn’t have much in common with bankers

other than caving and anxiety 😁

@myfabby I've come to view cattiness and bitchiness as a form of female misogyny which is far from helpful when being sisterly is so much better.

I see it in the workplace and online.

@Myfabby I genuinely think you've mixed me up with someone else. I work part time, and live in one house, very little money for extras such as designer bags. I've also hardly posted in over a year since meeting MrD in late 2021.

But hey Ho. It's the internet!

I think that the poster mixed me up with someone else so I shan't take offence but ... appreciate the response

Thank you so much MyFabby (you nailed it ) Worsy and Oncey ( you know I’m thrilled with your current situation and believe you totally) and Deffy and Slothy.
i think I was naive opening up so much but there was 0 malice.
I will not be posting anything personal but will follow from time to time
Ive learnt people can be bitter and bitchy too. I believe in stupid first sight love like Oncey and that doesn’t make me stupid. There is a cultural difference because I am not British but what I post, I post from my heart and it’s my sincere opinion
I will not comment at all on those who dislike me openly. I think I understand and I will be careful but I still love hearing about other women in personal quest for love or friendship or sex and love the candid way in which many posters express themselves
Enjoy weekend

Agree… sadly