Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

@Mila14 I know right
If I hadn't had a couple of drinks with our meal I would have got straight in the car

So can't understand why it's me feeling guilty for dumping and blocking

I had to check. Linked in…google…they can check me out too. I’m all for disclosure. I would not meet a guy I have not checked and I still got lied to once ( Mr bloody Viagra)…I absolutely did not listen to my gut and could not see disparity between reality and what his linked in implied. Listen to your gut too.

Hell no. No regrets and good you blocked 🚫

@Definitelycross some guys just don't get how vulnerable we are. I've had everything happen to me in my time, not all during OLD but it makes you quite aware. And we should matter of fact and quite blunt about it. Now MrD tells his daughters how careful I was before meeting him and that he had never thought about it enough from a woman's POV.

I'd suggest:
Full name
ID check eg photos of drivers licence
Video call
Then do all the due diligence you need to - companies house, linked in etc.
once you're heading towards going steady do a Clare's Law check too

Always watch out for how they talk about their ex, any kids, female family members and colleagues. Dick pics are now illegal if not asked for so that's a major red flag we can all agree on! Ask before sending nudes. Tell them to eff off if they ask for nudes too early / before you've met etc

Check how they talk to other people eg bar staff etc when you're out. Are they on time? Do they offer to see you home (not always advisable), do they check you got back ok?

On a sex date, make sure you've checked in re sexual status and don't forget that some things like herpes don't show up on blood tests. What are your boundaries during sec? Do you need a safe word? Some people hate having their hair pulled so state that sort of thing upfront. Use a condom!

Sorry. TED talk over 🤓👩🏻‍🏫

I’m with Bella on this. I love my life, my health and my safety. I’m risk averse. If a guy does not get this I don’t date him

I've got no particular strategy for who asks first @NoDatingForOldMen but you've been around the block enough to know what you prefer.

In terms of what you don't want, I'm guessing that you'll be taking forward your learnings from MsHorse, MsNoShow and the one before that. You've struggled a bit with juggling your family commitments. Have they got any better?

Otherwise I definitely know about you that you don't tend to like women with horses, anxiety or DC at home.

Maybe draw up a list of some practical things you're looking for eg free on the same nights as you, sexually compatible, same values and maybe shared interests?

Also I have noticed some glass half empty tendencies in your recent posts. I hope that things are going ok for you in your personal life.

The trick with dating is to work on yourself if you've hit similar roadblocks. Make yourself the sort of person you'd want to be with and when the fun stops, stop. I wonder if you're seeing this recent date again for a way to fill time, as you don't seem that into her? Maybe question why you'd see someone again in a dating situation that is more likely to be a friend? Do you feel able to have that conversation with her beforehand so that no one is getting their time wasted?

Big fat agree. Men need to wake up to this. And educate their sons and daughters too!

I have to confess Mr Ex and I were really really crazy to start with. We gave each other a LOT OF INFO. I would not be so naive again neither would he.plenty of wackos out there. We were just stupidly in love from day one and completely ridiculous. That’s one of the reasons I can’t criticise ladies who fall in love with someone on a first date. It would be hypocritical on my side. Things can and do happen even when you don’t expect them

@NoDatingForOldMenI always wait for the man to suggest the first date. After that the more I see them, the braver I get. For example if a 3rd date is suggested by an iron but we haven't firmed up time/date, I might say if you still want to meet up this week is X day any good?
It is absolutely game playing and I don't generally do it but it's the one time I always wait.

@BelladiMamma superb advice. I have been able to check most of mine out via linked in, one turned out to be a friend of a friend and one of mine is a long standing friend (eek).

As regards DTD - I am at that point with at least 1 iron and it's protection or not. But then what point does anyone stop with it? Dating 3 months/6months etc after a full test? How do you ever know if you can't test for everything?
(In my only super LTR - tests were done).

@Garysmum condoms until you've both had a chat about exclusivity, safe sex with others and herpes status. Even some hiv statuses don't come up on blood tests because they have an undetectable viral load - in which case they're not transmittable.

Also. If you're still of that age, have a talk to yourself about what you'd do if you fell pregnant. That doesn't need to involve the iron at an early stage, or at all.

And that's another TED talk done for the day 😂🤓

It's wierd the whole 'who asks re first date' thing. To be honest I'd be asking for a video call then. meet within 7 days of chatting otherwise you could end up with a time waster.

As for marriage / civil partnership/ co habitation, if that's what you want then down to you to suggest it as well. Although not until you've moved past the BellaTM defcon level 5 financial and general good egg tests.

This level includes financial planning basics, can he cook or iron for himself, does he put the loo seat down, generally look After himself. Not a big drinker / drug taker etc. Does he understand the concept of equal labour in the house and 'she comes first' and also if faced with a poorly hedgehog 🦔 can he keep it alive til you get it to the hedgehog rescue place.

🤓🤓🤓😂😂😂

The thing is. I think We've all been round the block enough to know when we are probably being a bit irrational if you have major feels for someone after one date, and this thread is a safe space to explore why that is and how to protect ourselves when we're in the grip of limerance. Lord knows my thread posts from 2020 were utterly nuts at times. It would take me several days of flakiness and ghosting to just move on from harbouring hope about someone that most of the time I hadn't even met yet!

😂😂😂@BelladiMamma that's tickled me.

Now I have only had one guy offer all of that information. Other one I'm friends with on FB and we have a mutual friend who turns out to be one of my cousin's best friends.

A lot of guys get arsey when you even ask their surname 🤷‍♀️

But if I get the feeling someone isn't being totally truthful I tend to avoid like the plague. Like Mr8, which is hard because we clicked so well physically.

At last nights date I bumped into a male friend of mine in the bar. That was great 👍

But I always share the blokes details and my location with my son. But not all the details that you've said.

But also only two progressed beyond Date 1. And one of those I had all the details for.

We are incredibly vulnerable OLD but I think we don't know who anyone really is. I was with my STBXH overall 33 years. He would have come up squeaky clean on any check but he was a pathological liar, a thief and an abuser.

I will be checking Claire's Law with Mr Friday as I feel like that might progress.

Blimey, not sure why I’m taking to a therapist, you have pretty much summed it up.

#3 was confident, outgoing, self-sure, solvent and had good availability to match mine, but did not set on fire in the pants department, I think I would love to know or even work with her, the sort of person I could easily spend time with ( and she knows the owner of the place on Friday) , so would she make a good friend, absolutely yes.

I think I have real tendency to see ignore the obvious issues ( like the no show anxiety), and just pretend that it will all be okay and I will cope, I should have drawn a line under that months before hand really.

Personal life is “changing”, I have taken some exams in my hobby world this year that could potentially be leading to career change or at least a side hustle 😬

ami passing time, maybe 🤔, am I looking for “ the one”, no, I don’t believe in that ( apologies to those who do )

so the £6m man question, what do I want, a self confident, solvent 50 something who gets Month Python gags ( this could be me really )., no kids at home, & definitely no horses., maybe she is not out there in my area, or maybe she doesn’t even exist ? ( just like an exParrott)

It’s like the Spanish Inquisition on here ( nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition etc )

NoDatingForOldMen
**

I wrote a post & it got eaten!

I usually ask a man out first. Because I don't like long drawn out texting. I'd rather meet if I think we'd get on

👍🏼

If they get arsey about being asked for a surname then I'd cancel. There are plenty of other men willing to share those details and do a video call.

To be fair, I'd only get ID if it was likely to be a sex date

Yes I don't meet non surname. And I d never DTD yet

@NoDatingForOldMen my therapist is very expensive so I'm effecting a trickle down effect and sharing the wisdom 😂😊

Sounds like you know what you're looking for and the personal life is on the up! So long as whoever you're dating knows you're not looking for 'the one' then it's all good.

Personally I'd let the lady this Friday know that you're seeing this more as a friendship, you never know you might be pleasantly surprised and find out that she is too.

I'll freely admit I'm hyper vigilant around new males but sadly life experience has taught me this.

Having said that. I was only in OLD for the sex so I'd then be even more careful about ID etc as at some point you'd end up on your own, sooner rather than later and then my defcon super secure checks are far more preferable than realising you're shagging someone who's surname you don't even know.

Having said that, some people are into stranger sex but if I got into that I'd rather do it at a sex party or swingers club as they have their own checks and there are bouncers around to help out

I just saw this video by Matthew Hussey which I love.

Is there any Matthew Hussey love on here? Any more recommendations for me?

www.instagram.com/reel/CpdPPBruyWx/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

@ForestLilac
is he the guy who sometimes tells people things they don’t necessarily want to hear..

This level includes financial planning basics, can he cook or iron for himself, does he put the loo seat down, generally look After himself. Not a big drinker / drug taker etc. Does he understand the concept of equal labour in the house and 'she comes first' and also if faced with a poorly hedgehog 🦔 can he keep it alive til you get it to the hedgehog rescue place.

I have my own version of this, but it’s kinda different 😂😂

ForestLilac

i like him a lot , he got me through my break up

when I finish my sordid foray on FEELD I’m going to try properly and watch his videos