Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

De rail the train I meant to say !

Well I'm quite picky myself 😳 honestly

Coincidentally last night I had a WhatsApp from the guy I'm really very much looking forward to meeting. Unusually, for me, we've spoken on the phone etc

Last night he called me out that I was speaking to others. I said I was, no point in denying it. We then had a great talk about it all. He wasn't all possessive about it - we talked like grown ups.

Due to commitments on both sides we can't meet up till Friday.

Well, I just felt different afterwards.

I didn't go back and reply to messages. I woke up to quite a lot this morning - I think that's due to Friday night drinks not suddenly realising I'm the one 😳😂 but talking about it last night made me think hard.

No real point to this except to say Mr Friday now has a name and not just a number. 😳 make of that what you wish but yes I quite like him 😳 ffs how old am I?

Can I agree too?

I didn't want to look like sour grapes as you were meeting him the same time as my massive car-crash of an encounter with Mr8. AND I am genuinely very pleased at how happy you sound and to read a good news post on here.

I think I've seen it around on one of these threads - limerence. Be careful.

God, I so hate typing this but I worry for you. I think it was you both being sad you don't have decades together.

But hey, maybe people do feel like that this early, and just don't voice it 🤷‍♀️ I could be totally out of the loop.

But as I say, I couldn't say it as I thought it would look like I was jealous.

Definitelycross

i struggle to multi chat as like Mapleunicorn I find it hard , so I’m going slow and thinking

but I think for you it might be prudent given that fella (8?) hurt you so much (and he never should have had that chance )

right now I have a sex date this weekend (yikes ! But that’s FEELD for ya !

i err between

• why would i go casual when casual broke my heart
• but could i make casual work for me if I was way smarter and set clean boundaries from day 1
• How could I have a relationship anyway ? When I only have one evening a week and A job and hobbies and two kids who really do need me

im feeling much better broken heart wise
the horrible thing with breakups is the fact that someone totally disappears . So they go from being (unfortunately ) the Center of your thoughts to GONE

but FEELD chats have broken my limerence a bit and made me realise I can fancy other men so

I’m pretty sure most people would agree with you and others @Tuilpmouse and it’s not jealousy or “raining on someone’s parade” to think so either.

One of the benefits of this thread has always been the wise counsel of those who’ve been round the block enough to know that it’s incredibly naive to think you know someone after a month, and observing the cycles of ebb and flow on this thread demonstrates precisely that with the biggest implosions following the most intense beginnings.

Of course, this could be the Mills and Boon “oh they just don’t understand!” exception. But regardless, to say you’re sad you’ve only got a few decades left together after a month of knowing someone is not even something I think a Mills and Boon author would think stood up.

Hi lovely people

I don't really have a lot of report other than MrD and I are still on, we have left the door open to being open but it's way more complicated when you have kids, little free time, illness, life challenges etc.

I was wondering if @NoDatingForOldMen you had really explored and sat with what's been going wrong for you in your various relationships over the last few years. You're a thread old timer like me and I can see some repeating patterns. Do you think you've got any insight into what's going on? Do you want a relationship?

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm a bit like you and sway between wanting a relationship and then thinking do I actually have time around 3 kids, work, my course, hobbies and friends 🤔 Yet here I am swiping away again thinking "you don't know if you don't try" 🤷‍♀️

I admire you. I've yet to DTD with anyone online.

I so hope it goes well.

Mr Friday is very, very funny but on paper he's not my type at all. But chatting to him it's just so comfortable and like he 'gets' me. But I'm listening to the rules - nothing is real until it's real.

Oh yes and I meant to say apart from Mr11 tomorrow night I'm not talking to anyone else actively as I like Mr Friday.

So I've answered my own question.

Mr Friday isn't tall or bearded, but funny as, but is also serious when necessary. I actually fancy him which if I'd seen him on OLD I wouldn't have clicked on. So, personality and confidence has totally won me over.

BelladiMamma

hey pleased it’s good with D
last time you posted you had split
pleased you pieces it together

Slothmomma

one day I need to meet a male version of me
A single dad (maybe not 100% custody )

I’ve met enough dads - but no one yet who’s a fit

but I’m patient (ish)

keep the faith baby 💪

Definitelycross

ive always DTD fast
maybe too fast sometimes 😂

maybe I’m wrong on this but I’d say I’d want to know if we are a sexual fit before any boundary conversation

i can also see that when I was hooked on oxytocin and sex I - didn’t actually have that conversation

NoDatingForOldMen

bella raises a good question Actually

and your solvent enough to get a decent therapist 😊

Hi, can I join ?
Just ended it with someone I really liked so I'm going to leave it a few week before getting back on the apps

Feeling really quite sad about it so giving myself a bit of time before starting again

qqq82
sorry to hear that
me too (split ) just after Xmas
why did you split ?

To be honest I'm still pretty confused about the whole thing
I was seeing him 4 months but only actually saw him 10 times
He seemed v keen at first but then I felt like he lost interest but he refused to admit it
He made it clear from the start he wasn't looking for casual and even told me if I was then he wouldn't see me again
It was a chore to get him to commit to a date . A bit flakey. Often changed the days numerous times so I was leaving time open for him only to end up not seeing him and it being too late for me to organise anything else
The last straw for me was last weekend where we had agreed on Sunday but Saturday night I sent a jokey message about what we'd get up to the next day and he said 'ooh I don't think I can do tomorrow somethings come up at work '
Fair enough , things come up , but it was clear he wasn't going to tell me and I would have sat there like mug waiting for him all Sunday .

He was so good looking, had everything going for him , but he'd been single 4 years and said he had previously been dumped a few times due to his issues regarding communication and organisation

qqq82

you did good to nip that in the bud
he wouldn’t have changed ! As evidenced by why his exes split with him ..,,

still -it’s still sad 😞

Yup
I can't understand why he would actively look for a relationship knowing this but refusing to work on it

It unfortunately ended with us both blocking each other
I felt so bad about it I even sent him a card to say sorry 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ cringe

Yes somehow we did piece things together and we're better for it now. Still not perfect, but we talk about things. Also helps that we fancy the pants off each other, that's basically the glue that forces us to keep making an effort with each other 😁

@qqq82 I know it feels hard now, my only advice is to feel the feelings, try not to get pulled into feelings of limerance for him or thinking 'if only'. Take a look at this advice and see if you can follow it, I'm sure it's what you'd tell a friend ... I think we should get it tattooed whilst dating ... or in any walk of life...!

Damn the attachment didn't work 🤪 ... it's a piece a graffiti which says 'Normalise not trying harder when someone makes you feel unwanted'.

Best leave before I break the internet 🤪

can't understand why he would actively look for a relationship knowing this but refusing to work on it

youve basically summed up online dating post divorce there - literally

and he probably really liked having sex with you 😊

This is a massive glue in my opinion… I bet you are having fantastic sex too

Agree about the divorce and the sex…