Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

@NellyTheCake I was feeling just like you. I gave myself a break, albeit only about 10 days or so 😳

For background. I am 56, 5'8", size 16.

Last time around I left feeling like I was Undateable. I had nine first dates. Looking back - at least three of those were waving massive red flags, but I pursued them and went on dates with them that left my self esteem in tatters.

My new profile is up to date photos, and I added the full length one last night. But I cut right back on my description of me if you see what I mean? I said I was a string, independent woman who didn't want rescuing but rather someone to enjoy good times with.

I don't know if it was that or my change in attitude being a lot quicker to not match or stop contacting those that weren't doing it for me totally. Sadly I have let one or two slip through the net and I really need to actually say to them rather than just ghost them.

I think what I'm trying to say is

It's not you. It really, really is not you.

It's timing mainly.

I'm not stupid and like I said earlier i, no doubt will return with - oh no what was I thinking??
But I know this time I am definitely not going to settle and make some guy feel like they're doing me a favour. I'd rather be single surrounded by cats

I've been where you are. If you go back you'll see.

We've all been where you are. That's why this thread exists and there's so many of us (no offence to anyone- but it's true and I love you all 🤗).

Everyone is muddling through life. None of us have got their shit totally together. Even people who appear to.

There's nothing wrong with you. Remember that.

Love you too 🤗

You're out there, finding out what you want and most of all - not settling.

We could set up a commune couldn't we?

Oh the joys of being single at this time of life.

Oh and I'm strong not a string 😂

It really isn’t you @NellyTheCake!! It is a nightmare out there. I have had exactly the same experience and I am 51.

As @Definitelycross says in her great response, give it another go, when you are ready.

I am taking a break at the moment as I am so disillusioned with it all. But, will look to do a reboot and will have another go.

Thisisworsethananticpated
Yes, I met the fwb a few days. We chatted non stop for about 4hours. It felt like we had a great connection. Agreed to meet again this weekend. Then late last night he said he changed his mind.

Definitelycross
Thank you.
I know you're right but I just feel I'm being rejected by everyone atm.
And I know I'm guilty of latching onto the tiniest bit of attention even if I know it's going nowhere.

I think I have decent photos. I'm not very photogenic and I'm not someone who spends ages doing hair and make-up. I prefer a natural look. But I've made an effort.

I changed my profile to be short. 'I'm like this but not like this' type of thing.

I'm having a break but I've no idea how to improve things if I decide to try again.

Oh lovely you're looking at this in the wrong way, with the best will in the world.

It's not you. You have to stay true to yourself and you don't need to change for anyone. The other reading being it's not sustainable.

I'm horrendously bad for latching on to the smallest bit of attention too. It's a bit soul destroying really, so I get you there.

But it's not you. Just like it's not me or @Mollymolloy or @NoDatingForOldMen or anyone else on here. It's bloody, shitty, fucking timing.

If you're not one for wearing makeup then don't. How long will you be able to sustain that? You are worth far more than some randomer on the internet who may not turn out to be what they appear anyway.

You sound just like I felt. I wish I could meet you for coffee and give you a big hug.

The other reason not reading 🤦‍♀️

NellyTheCake

eveyones a confused mess , the men too !!

I had a great date with one this weekend but I’m this close to cancelling as I know what he wants FWB will eventually make me anxious 😬
but I fancy him well enough

we have to keep the self esteem HIGH

you could always say ‘no problems , assume you’ve had a better offer ‘ and see if he’s honest ?

@NellyTheCake Did he say why?
What happened on the first meet? Did you kids or get handsy? Have you sexted? What dite did you meet him on?

@NellyTheCake Do not send @Thisisworsethananticpated message, it smacks of passive aggressiveness and insecurity. Just thank him for letting him know.

@NellyTheCake Sorry I'm having to do short messages as it keeps crashing.

I've had FWB and FBs in the past and currently,you would not believe how hard it is to find an FB never mind someone who made it to be FWB.

I have very strict criteria on what makes an FWB and see it as a long term thing,people don't get the title of FWB for months, everyone starts as FB.

SortingItOut

thanks for the VERY direct feedback that my advice was shit! Always good to have people with higher wisdom and experience levels to keep me grounded hey !

Ohhh…Worsy…Hinge means you want more than FWB…I think you are a closet relationshiper. A lot of the bad issue with B were because there was no support there for you emotionally when you needed it.
Have a fantastic sexy time this weekend and Mothership looking forward to hearing about your Hinge shenanigans.
The best thing of all…you are a LOT better now and things are ticking up

Best wishes for your son Deffy…have fun in your date and remember this is a numbers game for almost everyone.

Absolute classic… MrJ.. we chatted on Bumble for a few days, had a lovely telephone call on Sunday, moved over to What’s app.

There was much talk of meeting up but, no actual time/date. He was chatty on Monday… I was ‘on hold’ Tuesday.. Wednesday chatty/flirty again. Then, he mentioned a date on Friday night!! We hadn’t made plans to meet on Friday night… or anytime!! Whoops..!

I stopped txting. He txted a ‘morning’ txt this morning… I have responded how surprised I am to hear from him and why…

OLD… you could not make it up!!! 😂

Mila14

yeah , not even closet

when I have an FWB all I will think is ‘well you had a wife and you had exes and you treated them nice

why not me ? Why just sex and your problems ?

of course ! because you think I’m a worthless slut !

now I know logically they treated their exes bad hence the DVCE (think B ex wife was really depressed and can’t say I blame her )

but that’s where my mind goes and can’t have that in 2023

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think if you know that your feelings become involved with FWB situations then it’s probably best to not go there. The people that successfully handle it are those who are doing it on their terms, able to a greater or lesser degree to engage in the physical and separate too many other emotions. Sometimes the advice to go out and have sex as much as you want as quickly as you want is great and feels empowering. But it only continues to feel great if other conflicting emotions don’t surface or the people you engage with treat you and the situation with respect.

Stepcount

thanks , and yeah
quite why I joined FEELD I don’t know 🤷‍♀️
I was ovulating and wanted immediate male sexual attention , and to be fair - FEELD gives you that

I think that’s just par for the course really,
I was chatting to lady #2 last week, all very nice, meeting lined up for this Saturday, but she has disappeared 👻, her loss not mine, she has probably found someone more to her liking 🤷🏼

Thanks @NoDatingForOldMen .. he has now come back saying that he was convinced that we had a date. I have deleted my Bumble account so, can’t look back. Pretty sure that nothing was agreed though. He was very vague.

Not sure what to believe now…

@Mollymolloy personally if they haven't firmed dates up, then you're most likely lower down in priorities. I'll bet it got to today and the other date didn't come through so he quickly said you had a date in the diary!

@Thisisworsethananticpated Feeld is very much about immediate attention but not really for relationships unless you get lucky and find someone who wants exactly what you want.

You are probably right @LostidentityM …OLD is pretty bloody awful!!

This guy was really quick to say that he was about to walk away from OLD as it had been such a nightmare. Then, he is just as bad… WTF???

Mollymolloy

i don’t necessarily think that all these men are necessarily getting better offers !

I don’t think anyone goes online and gets
plethora of handsome available people asap
men or women !

but he’s anxiously messing you around for sure
neither he’s not sure if he fancies you or he’s anxious or he’s still entangled with another and is using you for an ego boost (very common )

he think you have a date ? Where and when ?

lets see what he says to that !!!

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. I know you're all right, it's not me. Just feels like it atm.

I'm 5'7, size 12/14 and quite sporty. Over the years I've been told I'm too tall, too skinny, too fat and too active. I play down the sport bit in my profile because of comments like 'I'll never keep up with you'. Now I just get asked if I wear stockings 🙄

I've looked at female profiles on pof and I Iook ok in comparison. I don't stand out in any way, just average. And I don't have lots of photos of me on holiday or drinking with friends like many profiles have.

I'll have a break, re-think what to do and maybe try again in a few weeks.

Just read a few updates there and they are a stark reminder of the lows of OLD. Please dont take it personally as we are all fabulous in our own wee unique ways.

On another note I just received a "🖐 hi, how are you doing" message. I havent replied as yet