Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

Thank you so much for your understanding too, I’m the same age and the thought that you can go on to have better sex fill me with hope 😂

How are you feeling now? Has there been any contact at all from him?

LuckyLinda3
he caved
I ended it twice

but what I’m saying is that it breaks things when it happens so much

everyones too hurt and damaged

Absolutely @Dhama there is life beyond our broken marriages and it was only when I allowed myself to drop my guard that I really enjoyed it. You deserve to enjoy life too.

No contact at all from him but as his last text was a break up one I dont know if I will. Enjoy tonight.

Yeah I have to agree there.

@Dhama I was in 30 year relationship (25 married) unbelievable now, and was very nervous about having sex with anyone else and indeed didn’t even want to until I met Me Serb and just flipped - like being 17 again. It helped that he was nervous and wanted to take it slow, by the time we DTD I was beyond desperate /simply couldn’t have imagined I’d feel that way. Now is the best I’be ever had and same for him. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Dhama

of all the pitfalls , sex does seem to be the area where everyone’s cooking on gas !!!

this might be TMI but some self Love , imagination and wanking might help..,,,

Dhama…same for me. I went straight from my awful damage to Mr Ex …and OMG…I’ve never had better sex ever. So like everyone else says…just relax and enjoy Mr Wallsex ( why this name??). Things at your pace lovely. No pressure

Thank you everyone! You are all so lovely 😊

I had a really chilled evening with him and we ended up making out like flipping teenagers and it was really, really lovely and now I’m no longer apprehensive just frustrated 😂😂

Self love will definitely be a thing @Thisisworsethananticpated 😂😂

I called him that as I think he’s probably strong enough to manage it off the back of a joke with my friends 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Fantastic update @Dhama !

Hi all, hope it’s ok to post here..I don’t want to out myself on the main thread but really need to vent.
I just wrote a novel and deleted it. I’ve been dating someone (who I’ve known yrs and naively thought may be the one)
He has on a couple of occasions ‘joked’ about me messaging / finding other men. I just wondered how you guys would take/deal with this if it was said to you please?

@Bimc44 I think a bit of context would help- how does the relationship feel in general? How long have you been dating? What kind of person is he ?

Bimc44
Have you only recently started dating?
He sounds like he's not sure about your relationship

I think you can ask once just to establish if you are exclusive. But asking multiple times isn't right.

Have you had the exclusivity talk? I think you need to have that talk and explain how you see your relationship.

I've given up trying to find someone who is after a relationship. I'm not getting any interest on any of the sites.

So, instead, I've found myself a fwb. He's funny, sexy and actually keen to spend time with me outside the bedroom. 😁

It'll probably fizzle out in a few weeks but it's good for now.

@LuckyLinda3 just read the thread..I’m so sorry to hear your updates. I’m going through a similar situation & can totally relate to how hard it all feels

@Stepcount long story short
known him 20+yrs. Been dating 6m. The most empathetic, loving man I think I’ve dated. Constant compliments and reassurance he was extremely happy we’d got together. Honestly no red flags, no concerns..yet 1 minor chat about something he didn’t like has resulted in him walking away?!
His response of ‘I can’t do anything right’ worried me when it wasn’t really appropriate for what we were discussing?
followed by the sulking (which I ignored) and then jokes’ of me messaging other men seem to have ruined this because he can’t understand why I wouldn’t find it funny?!

@NellyTheCake

@Bimc44 some similarities there definitely. My iron doesn't like any confrontation and goes quiet, I'm more a talk it out type and I dont like the cave behaviour much. I personally wouldn't like the suggestion of other men though. Has he actually ended things or walked away during a discussion?

@LuckyLinda3 totally agree and don’t understand the mentality of acting like a toddler especially over minor things?! I asked him how it would make him feel if I’d said it, to which he said ‘untrusted’ ‘it’s a stupid thing to say’ and rather than apologise and say he wouldn’t do again he said ‘we’re both stubborn’ ..sadly I won’t back down over being accused of something I haven’t done, so I went quiet..a week went by which tells me all I need to know..he never meant half of what he said, which is very sad.

@Bimc44 I'm so sorry. It's not easy. I had trust issues early days but it was entirely my issue and not anything he said/done. He was cheated on by his ex wife so I think he knows how that feels. In that way we had no issues. Last week he had a lot of stress with his 19yr old son, away 15wks training, wasnt allowed to pass out due to some misbehaviour which he wouldnt disclose. Embarrassment of telling people who were invited that it was cancelled etc. Was very quiet/dry by text, no plans or mention of plans and then when I said Saturday didnt suit that was it, cant do it anymore, all the best, bye.
Maybe I wasnt patient/sympathetic enough but I felt out of the loop so I left him to it. Nothing since.
How do you feel about your situation now? If he re-emerges will you hear him out or is that it? Hope you're ok.

@LuckyLinda3 sorry to hear what happened with you. Reading back it sounds like you were very accommodating to his needs & hoped he’d be the same in return. Sadly for those of us who don’t have the ‘go quiet/sulky’ tendencies in us wencan’t understand why it’s a thing. As time goes by and I get older, I find it an almost incomprehensible thing to deal with, with someone you’re supposed to love. It sound like to
me he couldn’t cope with the embarrassment and shut down hoping you’d pander to him in ways. Because you possibly came across to him as not being interested (which infact you were just giving him space) he hasn’t liked that.

mine being the same. I can see that he was very much ‘him’ I was supportive and feel he wasn’t as equal back. Aside
from that though I stuck at it and was happy. But one conversation that he felt ‘he couldn’t do right’ was my 1st red flag. It was over reactive. Sulking proceeds (of which I won’t entertain) seeming to him I’m not interested/don’t care and it’s a vicious spiral. What shocks me is this guys feelings towards me and our history. Everyone I’ve told is baffled..I wonder what he’s told family & friends because of it’s the same as what I’ve put here they will all think he’s mad..we live and learn eah.

@Bimc44 I might have taken this wrongly here but wasn't he just kidding around rather than a red flag. I guess the issue here is both of you have reacted in a way as to break contact with each other but to me, he sounded like he was joking and then because you weren't happy, he got frustrated and thought he couldn't say anything. Ultimately only you know really.

Yes i do agree @Bimc44 I think he did think my giving him space was disinterest on my part.

@LostidentityM I’m not sure about others.. but I don’t appreciate comments of being asked if I’ve messaged other men when early on in a happy relationship?! i wouldn’t dream of saying it to him so I’m not sure why it was supposed to be taken as a joke..what’s funny about it?!
The first time he did it I disregarded it and ignored..I saw it as a bit of insecurity on his part so just a left it. However after telling him some awful news I didn’t not expect a response of ‘so what have you done all week, been messaging other men?’
maybe it’s me.,maybe I haven’t got a sense of humour (I have!)
Sadly for him an ex of mine used to ‘joke’ like this and it got nasty so yes my guard was up..but if it’s meant to be and all..

Lesson learned today

if someone appears boring on text and phone call
they will also be so on a coffee date

jesus F Christ !! By 30 mins I was outta there 😂

however the bike ride there and back burned calories so nothing lost

Bimc44

id have the exclusivity chat
and firmly

next time he says anything eyeball him and say ‘but we agreed on xx we were exclusive no? So what’s changed since that conversation ?’

NellyTheCake

yay ! That’s a decent update