Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

@LuckyLinda3 , how are you dong since the weekend? Any word from your man? Plans to focus on yourself and prioritise your needs and well being are always good.

@Mila14 You are 1000% accurate.@Mollymolloy If he wanted to do he would.
Not to dredge up bad blood, but even on here an iron was managing to date - long walks, dinner, lots of DTD with two ladies ( and lord knows how many more). in the same period of time. He worked, had an active hobby, a youngish son and was able ton somehow proritize chatting, meeting up etc with two! Boris- ex PM at the time managed to have affairs so....

Hi @Stepcount. I'm doing ok thanks, havent heard anything from him and have just thrown myself into work. Sometimes I feel like reaching out but I stop myself because he ultimately ended things. I have no hard feelings and that is really helping. If he does make contact and wants to chat I will, otherwise my intention is to leave things. Hope all is well with you.

Hi all, I've been lurking for a while, and have found your posts so helpful.

I'm 7m post separation, and have been on Hinge and Bumble for a month. I'm very selective about profiles I like, so I've not had a huge number of matches. A few have unmatched me as soon as I have casually mentioned that I have kids. I've had a few nice chats, but none actually wanted to meet so unmatched those.

I have one iron at the moment. He's exactly my type physically, very quick-witted and funny. Great chat for the first week - things were getting quite flirty. I suggested meeting this Friday and he hasn't responded to messages for 4 days. Does that mean I've been ghosted?

@LuckyLinda3 I'm glad that you are doing well. You sound pretty philosophical about things. I can understand you wondering about whether you should reach out. Something ending rather abruptly after 2 years isn't simply going to exit your thoughts. I'm sure you will make the right decision going forward about any contact. Some on here can be quite hard line and in some cases it's absolutely needed but with your situation I would find it hard to process everything without some proper closure.
I'm fine thank you. I am in a 3+ years relationship with Mr V, it's not perfect but it's good and it's the most settled I have felt in a long time. We have some practical and financial obstacles to navigate but such is life.

@Stepcount

Glad to hear you and mr V are doing well. And navigating life. Obstacles will always be there, as long as you're happy x

Thanks all… I will leave it with MrJ. I got a txt this morning but, it felt like a ‘holding txt’.

I am going to take a break from OLD now… get my sanity back!!

@marplemead Ah it’s shit when that happens. I would be taking 4 days of radio silence as a sign he isn’t interested I’m afraid. Particularly if the chat was more frequent in the first week. He is probably in multiple chats and someone else has just jumped up the priority list a little. Shame as it sounds like you felt it had potential. I would unmatch and move on to someone who wants to fully engage and invest time in you

@Mapleunicorn Thank you! I think I invested too much in this one, because all the chats until now have been very uninspiring. I'll unmatch and move on!

I thought I wanted a long-term relationship. But I've realised I'm looking for something more casual/short-term, but monogamous. Is that a thing?

@marplemead i hope so because that’s exactly what I’m looking for too!

Its always difficult with something abrupt is right. There was so much right about us, he looked out for me and my children and we had a fantastic intimacy which went way beyond sex, things I know we will struggle to replace but that said his response was flaky in the end.
Delighted to hear things are going well for you and long may that continue.

@Mapleunicorn I'm not really sure how to go about it. What apps are you on? I've put that I'm looking for a relationship on my profiles, because I don't want to attract creeps. But I'm not sure if that is the right thing to do.

Agree…he has other front runners… you are bottom of list. I think we are all learning how things work. If it doesn’t start with massive interest and attention and willing to date you…it’s not got any legs

@marplemead im only on bumble. I chose ‘not sure yet’ as I thought casual dating just screams hook ups (at least it does to me anyway!) and I thought relationship might attract those wanting to find the one. My dating age range is 38 to 46 so there’s a lot of men in that range looking for someone to marry and have babies with - although they are probably all looking for women significantly younger than me to do that with!

I don’t reference it anywhere in my profile as such but I’m open with people if it comes up in chat. I do make clear in my bio i co-parent a primary school age child so I don’t know if men draw any conclusions either way from that

I only started OLD in jan but so far it seems to be working out

@marplemead …many guys on your age bracket have kids. I would just concentrate on guys with kids really. They are more likely to understand your commitment. You get kids are hard work but you are do parenting which is great so you have the kid 50%. Don’t worry and just enjoy dates that are what you like. It’s early days and I would not compromise at all.

LuckyLinda3

i ended things early Jan with my ex man friend

what really helped me was to go no contact
I’d say that was fucking easy as he eventually went off radar
but emotionally it was hard

deleted all contacts and blocked social media
and went into my sad cave

however there are lot of Matthew Hussey videos that I watched on a reel as I processed it

it also switches it to being a very proactive healing process

ill be honest I’m worried he’ll pop back and I hope you arnt waiting for this ?

I thought I wanted a long-term relationship. But I've realised I'm looking for something more casual/short-term, but monogamous. Is that a thing

loads of guys want this
LOADS
no shortage , I liked FEELD
a large % are either poly or ‘married’
but a lot want this

I admire you @Thisisworsethananticpated. Part of me thinks he may make contact again. The consensus seems to be give him a wide berth, he has had his chance. If I'm being honest I probably am not totally decided, he had a tough week, I went cold on text. I do 100% agree that his reaction was rude and immature. Aw the more I think of it I just don't know.

LuckyLinda3

its fine to have a shit week

it’s not fine to end things on and off which is what he does ?

and to be honest I did that with my ex (I ended it in the summer ) and he caved a lot

I know I did - and we made each other so insecure - then it went to shit totally 💯

just keep a close eye on how this all makes you feel

@Thisisworsethananticpated That's good to know, but not sure I'm ready for FEELD. But, at the same time, I don't really know how to find the men who want this.

I have date 3 with MrWallSex tonight. I’m feeling really apprehensive and I’ve no idea why.
I like him, he’s funny, I like getting messages from him, things have been a bit flirty over text, we talk on the phone etc.
why am I feeling so worried about it?!? Ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

Aww Dhama…just enjoy yourself…are you nervous about DTD? Or what? Why are you nervous??

@Mila14
Possibly, I mean it’s not on the cards tonight l, but I think it’s a definite thought in my head that at some point it will be that? I haven’t been with anyone new in 23 year, previous to my husband I had very unhappy/unhealthy sexual experiences and the thought of navigating that is huge. Also see ‘huge self esteem issues’ and I think I’m overwhelmed and overthinking it.

ugh

I just need to go out and enjoy myself. It’s totally in my head.

thank you lovely 😊

@Dhama my break was the same amount of years too and being intimate with someone other than exh was a big deal for me too. All I can say was I went on to have sex and intimacy I never experienced before. I'm 47 and far from perfect physically so I had self esteem issues too but with the right person all that was irrelevant. Go out, be your lovely self and enjoy.

@Thisisworsethananticpated are you saying you ended things a few times with your ex? Yes I can.understand the uncertainty that brings regardless of who does it. Right now I'm ok with things as they are. I'm busy at work and at home. Its early days and I miss him but we will see.