Dating Thread 239 - spring fling

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I couldn’t think of a decent as it’s been so fractious ! Will post rules shortly

LuckyLy…It’s still awful manners to end a 2 year relationship in this absurd way like it doesn’t matter and over nothing… the guy is not ok
Im shocked but yes, I think he will contact along the line and if he does …it’s up to you to have a proper conversation with all on table

@LuckyLinda3 i am sorry about the way things seem
to have ended but i agree it could be a knee jerk
reaction. I dated a guy for over a year who could call a lot. If I was a bit grumpy on call 6 after I had said I was busy at work, he would say stuff like “as you’re busy, let’s cancel seeing each other over the weekend and perhaps I’ll call you next week.” He never reacted well when I couldn’t drop everything to suit him.

My old life has gone from worse to confidence destroying. 2 more irons deleted me - I think in both cases I did respond asap to a request to meet.
I have had 4 first dates - one wanted one thing, one thinks I might not be sporty enough but wants to meet, other 2 want to meet. But I had date 4 this week. Again looks like I’m about to be ghosted.
this would be the third time this year after 3 plus dates that someone has decided I’m not right… they do all the date organising and suggesting. (After Mr Golf who ghosted me after third date when in hindsight he didn’t fancy me after date 1.)

I know I’m no blonde supermodel with an instagram lifestyle but my profile is clear about personality and lifestyle being not the norm and lots of photos are there too.

Sorry I meant to say I didn’t respond to messages asap!

@Garysmum thanks for your reply. To be fair he is normally very good about me not being available so I do think this was more down to a bad week but is still no excuse for his actions.

It's not you, seriously bring the energy back to yourself, ask yourself are they good enough for me, take the power back. Dating is so difficult. Agree on what your limits are, stick to them and take a break if it's getting to you.

We are worth it x

@Garysmum I'm sorry you're feeling low.

I had 9 first dates in six months.

Two progressed

One didn't work - long story
Second - decided I was too fat.

I came off the apps for a little while. Rewrote my profile, took some new pictures and am currently talking to six men.

OLD is a huge trippy headfuck. How anyone gets a nice normal relationship out of it I have absolutely no idea.

I hope this shows you you are not alone and it all means shit until it doesn't 🤷‍♀️

@Garysmum , you would honestly feel a lot better if you didn't tolerate some of these irons. If someone told me I was too tall/too short/may not be sporty enough/didn't ski enough, so they weren't sure whether they wanted to meet- then I'd politely take myself out of the equation. If they're not being enthusiastic-ish about wanting to meet- I wouldn't bother. It just sets the tone even if things do progress

Garysmum

id always say the very minute it feels soul destroying - pause
freeze profiles
🛑

im a strong believer that I can’t chat and be flirty if I’m feeling crappy

to be honest I was successful last week as I restarted HRT and was feeling very frisky

pause eveything and have a break and plan some non OLD things to spark joy

and if the comms feel critical and don’t make you smile
stop talking to them
your not desperate

@Myfabby @Definitelycross Thank you both for your helpful words. I will definitely not bother even continuing chatting to any unsure irons - as there are still some to chat to.
The hardest part is the ones who keep organising dates and then ghost. I get that we all go on dates, like the person enough to have a great time but can't see it working. That's ok. A quick text to say thanks but it's not for me would suffice. Instead, it seems that the ones I have met, will text after the date to say thank you, continue sending pointless texts unprompted for a few days and then disappear in a puff of smoke.
I have paused everything with the aim of seeing where the current irons take me - 5 are angling for a meet. Assuming these all go the same way, I was going to have a little break and then re-do photos and profile.
Except my profile is unusual - it stands out - that's what everyone has said. I could change it a little but I think it says what it needs to.

Well you stick with your profile if it reflects the real you.

Honestly I wish we weren't bothered by these rude assholes. I had one who spent almost four hours (I'm worried I'll get a ticket now) talking mainly at me. He was funny but I didn't really fancy him but made myself think well maybe it's a slow burn. I heard thank you - we may do it again then nothing. My confidence was shot away then I realised I was at a getting desperate for someone to want me phase.

Now I'm not saying you're like that but why on earth was I bothered that this guy upped and went without a no thank you?

He was rude and I don't want rude. Longer term I'd really hate it. But for that while he made me feel less.

I've come back with a much more straight talking profile and I'm not on there all the time.

We have to stay true to ourselves. I know that I'd be happier single than with a twat that knocked my confidence.

Stay true to yourself. You'll show that side of yourself at some point so why not from the start 🤷‍♀️

I agree with MyFabby…the guy has to be looking forward to meeting and like you and fancy you from the word go. Otherwise , it’s a a waste of time. Don’t compromise…they should not compromise either. This works both ways really

Well I'm back in the saddle so to speak

Two first coffee dates on Thursday hopefully 🤞

Mr10 and Mr11. Not at the same time. Nor anywhere near each other 😂

My continued persistence is amazing me 😳😂

Yay…this is a number game Deffy… you are also picky…no worries …

Ok.. advice from Mothership please..

New iron, MrJ.. we started chatting last week and had a phone call on Sunday which went well. We have moved onto WhatsApp… but, no plans to meet up 🤷‍♀️…

He has suggested meeting later this week and come up with a pub but, no time/date…

His txts have started to get flirty but, I feel that it is a bit odd as we have never met…

I am not looking for a pen pal. How long shall I let this caper carry on for…???

@Mollymolloy is not just a simple case of saying’ yes, that pub sounds good, have you got a day in mind? It’d be good to sort out the plan.’ Or if you only have certain availability then say ‘ great, I can do Thursday or Friday? ‘
I think sometimes people want to extend the chat a little to test the water a bit more before committing the time etc for the date to actually happen. Have you had a phone call? Depending on the feel it might make it easier to move it onto the date - or sometimes put you off!

*sorry @Mollymolloy I see you have had a call. Time to get a plan. I don’t think it’s pushy to want to organise your time. If he dithers then that tells you something though.

Thanks @Stepcount , he did say that he couldn’t do anything until the end of the week. I have suggested Friday or Saturday. I will see how it goes…

He seemed genuine but, may not be single, perhaps…?

I am becoming increasingly disillusioned. I am not a kink girl - some restraint at the most. But physical all the same. I’m very slim, pretty, nice skin. I think the term hot vanilla is a good description. Words, romance, sensual. And yet it gets so far and they all tell me they want someone more physically ‘curious’. Do I put up a profile saying just this or stay with my more interests bound description as it’s taking its toll. I am now not arranging any more dates until I am quite clear they are not totally kink focused. I am looking for a real balance. Not extreme. I can’t cope. Fed up with it these days. I am even put off by the word ‘fun’ now. It’s no longer fun. It’s bloody depressing. I am not an object.

.. also for those wondering about flakey arrangers. That is a no go from the start. I use Bumble as I can mostly filter what I’d like there but I do think that if I’ve made the initial effort, engage in two conversations on the phone for the man then not to be bothered to think of where to go on Friday it’s ridiculous. He’s been politely cancelled btw..

anyspacesavailable76

try FEELD
I liked it as everyone’s so honest and it’s friendly
amongst the many kinks you might find a like minded soul

no need for the word fun 🤩 there

but you can be honest abiut what you want and have an honest conversation if it’s not a fit

maybe not the app if you want romance n dining

Mollymolloy

if you like him I’d send a very direct
free this day at xx
or this day at xx

and if he ignores or doesn’t respond and send more inane banter
disengage

One thing I like about my new iron (not naming ) is he’s very matter of fact (like me !)

I said meet here at xx time ?
he said yes
we met

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you.. I’ve had a look in the past. Was a bit intimidated but did have some romantics on there too. Got a date for Friday eve so will let you know what I ‘sense’ from him!

If he has firmed up a plan and wants to wait last minute…he has other people on the go and he will not flinch not meeting if the other plan gets there. If he really wanted to meet you, he would be getting date and checking time and place with you. Sorry

@Mollymolloy If it’s making you puzzled then that’s the best sign of all. No good trying to second guess him. He could be waiting to hear of another option! So ask him maybe? I had one just like this for this week. He said yes let’s meet and we can then figure it out.. seriously? not my way of doing things. Not even a suggestion of where up meet or what do you fancy doing? Nothing.

Morning all, just reading some of the updates and it's crazy to hear how some people on old behave. Such a waste of the energy of genuine people. I'm really not looking forward to putting myself back out there and definitely think I'll be spending spring time investing in myself.