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Original poster

Girlfriend swears that she didn't lie but something in me tells me there is more to it, how to proceed with this?

155 replies

uijkor · 17/02/2023 12:38

This is something I posted on some other forums but didn't get enough opinions.
I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years, live together for 2 years. She is sweet, caring and loving, has so many good traits and I would definitely want to marry her.
However, there is something that bothers me about one event. A few years ago she was at the bachelorette party and the next day she told me at first there was a stripper and after a few seconds she said that she is just joking that there was no stripper but that the maid of honor "acted" as a stripper for fun. I didn't think about it for years and then one day I was looking at some old photos with her and there was a selfie of MOH from that party with some guy. There was nothing on the photo except for his head, couldn't see anything else. The photo was posted in their facebook group for bachelorette party.
I asked a few more times because this was really weird, and she swears to life there was no stripper and she has no idea who is the guy on the photo. After all of this we struggled because of some other issues (she was somewhat secretive with her phone in general because she said she does not want me to try to read her messages from the time before our relationship). Her story about the party and all this is very convincing, she swears to hear life there was no stripper. I want to believe her, but something in me tells me something is off here. Why would MOH took a photo with some guy at bachelorette party and post it in FB group... my girlfriend said she has no idea who it is, that it might be someone's boyfriend. But then, why take a take a selfie with someone's boyfriend and post it in FB group...
I said that I want to believe her and that I would like to ask MOH who that guy is, but she is refusing to give me any contact to MOH or contact her by herself, because it is "stupid" that I don't believe her and that it will only embarrass both of us.
Did you guys ever had that feeling where the story is convincing but one thing feels off?
I really need advice how to proceed with this.

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 17/02/2023 12:46

You sound utterly ridiculous and controlling.
Get past this, never mention it again or leave her.

LoekMa · 17/02/2023 12:46

A few years ago

this has been bothering you for years? Wow.

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 12:49

no, not for years, until I saw that photo. I believed her story until I saw the photo recently

OP posts:
Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 12:50

I am not controlling, I believed her story until I recently saw this photo and started questioning everything she said

OP posts:
AreWeThereYet69 · 17/02/2023 12:50

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
And yes, you sound very controlling.
It's not important

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 12:53

So if she lied to my face and swore to her and my life, that's normal??
Would you be OK with your SO lying to you like that. If she lied about this, who knows, she can lie about anything...

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 17/02/2023 12:57

You're being utterly ridiculous. It was years ago, and at the end of the day so what if there was a stripper. If there was and she lied you need to ask yourself why would she lie? Because she knows you will totally over react? And she's right, if you ask the MOH you are going to make yourself look like a prat and her look like a prat for being with her.

If you carry on making an absolute mountain out of a tiny mole hill you are going to find yourself single. I would definitely be dumping you if I were her. Let it go.

SpringleDingle · 17/02/2023 13:00

The lie aside… would it matter to you if there was a stripper there? Would you have had an issue with that at the time? If not then there would have been no reason to lie!

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:02

I ask again, you would be OK if your SO lied to you for years and swore to your life that they didn't lie...but instead they have lied. What if your SO cheated on you for years like that and lied to you, but you did nothing because it is just tiny mole hill and you don't wanna look stupid...my God, I at least expected normal people to be here and not on FB or reddit.

OP posts:
Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:03

I wouldn't have any trouble if there was stripper, but I would have trouble if she lied about it. Lying is dealbreaker for me and not anything else.

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 17/02/2023 13:07

Oh dear you sound rather obsessed. Thing is your never going to know the truth, unless someone else who was at the party can tell you. Your girlfriends obviously aware somethings up hence why she retracted her story. Why would the maid of honour be doing a strip tease at a bachelorette party? Surely they'd prefer to see man getting naked hence the guy in the picture. It all seems like fun and games until insecurities and little lies come creeping in. All this swearing on your life shit means nothing!
Your probably going to have to either let this one go or move on. Hounding her for answers isn't going to happen. She's clearly not going to tell you...

GreyCarpet · 17/02/2023 13:08

I understand OP. Whether or not there was a stripper there is less important than whether she has lied to you.

I have a zero tolerance on lying. Once the trust is broken, no matter how insignificant the lie might have been, the trust is broken.

Only you know whether you can get past this but a lie like this? If it were a lie, I'd end it. I'm not so desperate for a relationship that I'll tolerate being lied to and never knowing what is really going on.

Because you're absolutely right, once someone has shown themselves to be a liar, then can lie about anything.

GreyCarpet · 17/02/2023 13:09

And, tbh, even if she weren't lying about there being a stripper (although her alternative version makes no sense) it's given you enough cause to doubt her.

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:11

Marineboy67 - I would be totally ok with stripper being there if she just told me. No problem. I believed her story until I saw the photo. Now, I wonder...if she lied about this, what other lies she also said. Do you understand me? It's not about that party it's about her willing to lie straight to my face. Lying - totally dealbreaker for me. The end.

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 17/02/2023 13:11

By your aggressive responses on here I really don't believe that you would have been ok with a stripper being there. How are you remembering a discussion you had years ago if it wasn't important to you. People lie for all sorts of reasons and I'm betting if your partner did lie it was because she didn't want a big argument with you. Honestly, just let it go. If your relationship with her is good just let it go.

OhNoNotThatAgain · 17/02/2023 13:19

there was a selfie of MOH from that party with some guy. There was nothing on the photo except for his head

Then how can you possibly come to any conclusion whatsoever from such a random photo that was taken years ago?

If this tiny thing, which you have blown up out of all proportion, is going to destroy any faith you have in your girlfriend, and you won't be able to trust her to tell you the truth ever again, then you need to end the relationship now.

Marineboy67 · 17/02/2023 13:20

uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:11

Marineboy67 - I would be totally ok with stripper being there if she just told me. No problem. I believed her story until I saw the photo. Now, I wonder...if she lied about this, what other lies she also said. Do you understand me? It's not about that party it's about her willing to lie straight to my face. Lying - totally dealbreaker for me. The end.

Well in that case you've answered your own question. No point in continually punishing yourself about what could've happened. The trusts already gone for you. It's tainted and tarnished....especially if its still bothering you now.
It doesn't matter if it was yesterday or years ago, the upset and hurt for you is still raw judging by your response. You'll always be wondering and not knowing! You need to go your separate ways to be happy again.

blacksax · 17/02/2023 13:33

uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:11

Marineboy67 - I would be totally ok with stripper being there if she just told me. No problem. I believed her story until I saw the photo. Now, I wonder...if she lied about this, what other lies she also said. Do you understand me? It's not about that party it's about her willing to lie straight to my face. Lying - totally dealbreaker for me. The end.

And how have you worked out from a picture that he must have been a stripper and not some random guy on a night out at the same venue, or someone who worked there, or someone else's boyfriend who gatecrashed the party as a joke?

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:35

I am not aggressive in the slightest, it's just that I hate when people are hypocritical. Everyone would hate if SO lied to them like this (potentially), but here they are saying I should let it go. When I saw the picture it reminded me of the story she told me a few years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:37

I cant come to any conclusion from the photo, but the photo was taken at the party and posted in a facebook group for the party...Now, think about it, why would MOH take a selfie with any MAN at a BACHELORETTE party??? Of course, it might not be a stripper, but my girlfriend deleted all messages some time after this...

OP posts:
Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:38

blacksack - they weren't in a club, they were at private party in a house, so only invited guests could be there...

OP posts:
Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:41

OhNoNotThatAgain · 17/02/2023 13:19

there was a selfie of MOH from that party with some guy. There was nothing on the photo except for his head

Then how can you possibly come to any conclusion whatsoever from such a random photo that was taken years ago?

If this tiny thing, which you have blown up out of all proportion, is going to destroy any faith you have in your girlfriend, and you won't be able to trust her to tell you the truth ever again, then you need to end the relationship now.

party was in the house, not saying it is stripper on the photo but my GF deleted all messages including that one soon after I saw it. It might be someone else, it really might, but she is not willing to prove me that she didn't lie and told me I have to trust her...but there is possible deleted evidence that she is lying... do you understand me?

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 17/02/2023 13:51

Nobody agrees with you. Not here and (from what you’ve said) not on FB or Reddit. If you’re not going to listen to anyone who says anything other than what you want to hear, why do you keep posting and asking for opinions?

Bachelorette parties have barmen, catering staff, non-stripper entertainment. I had a magician at mine! The fact that you cannot conceive of a man at a bachelorette party being anything other than a stripper is a you problem. For all you know, that was an Uber driver or a pizza delivery guy! There are literally infinite options.

I think you should break up with this poor woman so she can find someone who isn’t a paranoid obsessive.

Eleganz · 17/02/2023 13:57

So what if OP wouldn't have been happy with a stripper? Why is that not okay? Are we saying that such boundaries are only acceptable for women?

We routinely have threads on here where women state that they would end their relationships if they found out their partners had been to a strip club on a stag do and advising other women in the same situation to do so. I don't hear them being described as 'controlling' and obsessing over "a little thing". Many women seem to agree with them.

Trust is gone OP and it doesn't sound like it is coming back. Your gf seemed to suggest there had been a stripper, back tracked and now is being evasive. Suggest you think hard about whether your relationship has any future and please ignore the posters on here trying to make out that this is a result of you being "controlling" and "aggressive".

Original poster
uijkor · 17/02/2023 13:57

AlmostaMamma · 17/02/2023 13:51

Nobody agrees with you. Not here and (from what you’ve said) not on FB or Reddit. If you’re not going to listen to anyone who says anything other than what you want to hear, why do you keep posting and asking for opinions?

Bachelorette parties have barmen, catering staff, non-stripper entertainment. I had a magician at mine! The fact that you cannot conceive of a man at a bachelorette party being anything other than a stripper is a you problem. For all you know, that was an Uber driver or a pizza delivery guy! There are literally infinite options.

I think you should break up with this poor woman so she can find someone who isn’t a paranoid obsessive.

Think of this, during a few hours of party, these women must have taken 100s of photos and only about 20 of them were in that FB group. Now, of all these photos, why post a selfie with some guy, what is the importance of this, why is he important? OK, might not be a stripper, but nobody here is at least trying to understand that there is a chance my gf actually lied...
I hope she didn't lie, but she deleted all messages...why? She acted suspicious and possibly lied, but everyone is telling me to fuck of...nice job guys. Only GreyCarpet actually talked and adressed my problem.

OP posts: